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Missed miscarriage at 12 weeks

(80 Posts)
coxy3005 Sun 31-May-09 15:20:23

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever time doing this, I've been reading everyones stories over the last couple of weeks and have really gained some comfort and now feel about ready to share my story. I was coming up for my 12week dating scan, I reached 11 weeks and after the midwife booking in appt got really excited and we started to tell family and friend, we said that we would wait as we previously had m/c at 8 weeks 7 months previously but felt that we were now reaching the 'safe' time so started to tell people. The day before my scan I started some brownish spotting, I knew that something was wrong and was so scared it was happening again! The next morning we had the dating scan and worst fears confirmed, no heartbeat and only measured about 9 weeks 2 days. I decided to go for natural and not d&c as I had natural before and it wasn't too bad apart from the emotional side it was really just like having a really bad period. This time was totally different, pain like really bad contractions lots of clots and bright red blood. One night the bleeding was so bad I had to go to a&e as it was coming out like someone had turned a tap on and it wouldn't stop!! Was so scary. Everything turned out ok and was sent home after a few hours of observation to carry on with natural m/c. I had my follow up scan which was exactly 2 weeks after the first scan and it looks like everything has come away. To top it all off it was my birthday yesterday and none of my so called friends contacted me, I don't think I'm coping very well, my DH has been my rock but I don't have anyone to talk to about it that understands my freinds don't know what to say to me so therefore don't say anything which wouldn't normally bother me but at the moment feel a bit of an emotional reck!!

Anyway, hope my story may in someway help someone else.

Coxy x

pinky78 Sun 31-May-09 16:14:11

hi coxy so sorry 2 hear of ur loss but uve come 2 the right place for support sometimes its good 2 hear that ur not the only one that it happens 2 ive had 23 mcs and this forum as really hepled as most of my friends and family think ive had 6 (got bored of the sorry faces)and i think they got bored of me sayin im pregnant then mc anyway all i can say hun is dont give up im still trying currently 5wks and petrified usually lose at 8 wks so go 3 wks 2 go b4 start feeling any easier take care hun and goodluck in futurexxx

coxy3005 Mon 01-Jun-09 01:41:49

Hi pinky78

Thanks for your message. I can't believe you've gone thru this 23 times how do you cope! I think your so brave but then again we don't have much choice do we! I know what you mean about the sad face I'm due go back to work in a couple of days and am dreading it!! Hasn't your doctor arranged for investigations we were told if it happens 3 times we will be investigated! Try not worry too much over next couple of weeks I'm sending you happy thoughts! Hope it works out I'll be around if you need a chat xxx

HappyBump Mon 01-Jun-09 10:55:44

Hi Coxy3005,

I recently (at the end of March) had a MMC discovered at the 13 week dating scan, like you we were devastated. We had already started telling people too, the hardest thing was dealing with everyone else's reactions. I went on to mc naturally and followed a fairly similar pattern to you, although I didn't end up in hospital. Weirdly I found miscarrying naturally in the end strangely comforting as at last my body was doing something right?

I found it very difficult to have anyone to confide in about the mc most people (not all) who I spoke to heard the news and just said something stupid. I did find this board wonderful and I found a strange comfort in reading about shared emotions/experiences.

On a positive note, I am pregnant again. Very early stages, around 5 weeks. So fingers crossed it works out this time.

Pinky78 - good luck, you deserve this and so much more.

Joolsiam Mon 01-Jun-09 11:11:43

Hi Coxy - our stories are similar - I had some brown spotting at around the same time and then MC'ed very suddenly with scary blood loss around 2 hours before my 12 week scan in November. There were a few people to untell, and I had to tell my MIL that I was PG and MC'ing all in the same sentence as I needed a lift to A&E It was my birthday 2 days later aswell.

I just wanted to say that it does get better. My cycle returned to normal by late January. It probably took until then for my hormones to even out - be warned that the PMT associated with the first AF post MC was absolutely hideous. It does all pass though, and although it is still very painful looking back, I have now (just) passed my EDD that I was dreading and think I can start to move further on now.

I did conceive again more or less the first month of trying, but suffered another early MC. I was absolutely terrified of suffering the same sort of blood loss / emotional trauma but that one was fine - like a heavy period.

Just coming up to optimum conception time, so am poised to go for 4th time lucky !!

temm09 Mon 01-Jun-09 16:29:43

Hi Coxy

I'm sorry to hijack your thread... reading it has bought me to tears (again) and I need to share too. I had a miscarriage on Wednesday (I was 10 weeks) and Thursday was my birthday - what is it with birthdays and MCs?! I started very light spotting the previous Thursday, but DP and I read enough to assure ourselves it was normal. It got a little heavier on Tuesday so I went to the GP who pressed on my tummy and neither he nor I were too worried but he booked me in for an early scan on Thursday as my first scan was only going to be at 13 weeks. I was optimistic about a good birthday present. But on Weds afternoon, whilst waiting at Heathrow for my brother and his girlfriend to arrive from South Africa (here to visit for my birthday) the mild cramps started. By 5pm I was in agony and I knew it was all over and we all went off to A&E where the bleeding really started. The MMC was confirmed after two internal examinations in A&E (one involving forceps to remove the 'product' - it was so sore and bought on the tears). I spent the night in hospital on my own. I was woken up at 6am to have my blood pressure taken and when I asked was told I could have no visitors until 3pm, not even DP unless I really needed something. What I really needed was sympathy and attention and love (and maybe a 'happy birthday'). After nearly 4 hours of lying in bed in tears, with no TV or books or anything to take my mind off the bleakness of the sitation I was transferred to the gynae ward and taken for a scan. The staff there were kind but didn't seem to realise I already knew (and had seen and felt) that everything had come out of me so we had to go through the whole 'I'm so sorry but...' routine again. However, once I knew I didn't have to have a D&C I felt loads better as I knew I could go home. I hadn't been able to eat or drink a drop, so a cup of water and a marmalade sandwich lifted me too. I was wondering where my partner was and since my mobile had died in the early hours of the morning the kind head nurse allowed me to use her phone in her office. My partner had been told a few hours earlier on the phone that I was being transferred and not to come to hospital until 3pm. She obviously thought the worst and was distraught.

The whole experience was awful, ghastly and I felt so good to be home. The pains have eased up - now like bad period pain rather than the deabilitating pains I had on Weds. I'm still bleeding a bit and was told that could last 1-2 weeks. I was feeling emotionally strong and positive and absolutely certain that I'll be pregnant again in no time and will go on to have a healthy pregnancy. But today the emotions have hit me and I can't stop crying. It's strange - I had been surprised that I didn't FEEL pregnant, but I guess that's nature's way because after the MC I didn't feel a sense of loss, unlike my partner. But today I am feeling sad that I'm not pregnant anymore and my boobs aren't sore and I'm not hungry. And I'm sad we've got to go through the whole lot again. And even though I know so many women go through this, I can't help but wonder whether there is something wrong with me and I will never be able to carry to term. I know I just need to get through this awful part and we can try again as soon as I'm ready, and I know it's important to stay positive so I just hope I can stop crying soon and pick myself up and carry on.

It is good to share stories and encouraging to know we're not alone. Pinky, that is amazing that you have gone through this 23 times. I truly hope that you have success this time around.

We had told quite a few people and I am glad we did and have the support of those people. At least we had the chance to share the happy news, which was exciting. I guess next time it will be less happy and more nervous, I'm sure people won't know what to say. We aren't telling those who didn't know so that next time we'll get the chance to do the whole happy surprise thing.

Coxy, thanks for your story and again, sorry for hijacking. Reading your story has helped me to share and I suppose that is all part of getting over it. Happy birthday for Saturday - I'm sorry it was a bleak one but hey, there's always next year for us Geminis, and hopefully we'll be with child for the next one!

xx

coxy3005 Wed 03-Jun-09 01:14:00

Hi ladies just a quick note to thank you all very much for your stories and support it really has helped!! It's amazing how similar they are in lots of ways.
Temm don't worry about hijacking I'm so pleased I inspired you to share don't worry you will stop crying and am sure next years birthdays will be the ones for us!!

Pinky and happybump hope things work out with your current pregnancies, Joolsiam hope your 4th is lucky and that none of you have to go thru this again!

Xxxx

temm09 Sat 06-Jun-09 23:10:06

Hi Coxy
Thank you for posting on my thread - I have replied to you there, but thought I ought to reply on your thread too. I'm sorry that you have been feeling low again. Your last message sounded upbeat and positive, and I suppose we are quick to think 'ah good she's feeling better' when in actual fact we all still need lots of kind words and virtual hugs and all those things. So if you feel a bit lost and abandoned again, post straight away or even CAT me. We need to stick together!
Take care xx

coxy3005 Tue 09-Jun-09 00:32:25

Hi temm, thanks for your message I don't know what I would have done had I not found this site!! Thankyou for being so kind I can't believe the emotional rollercoaster I'm on at the mo! It was my first day back at work today after nearly 3weeks in all and in that time not one person contacted me and I thought I had some good friends there no one asked me how I am, I'm sure they are trying to be nice and not upset me but it just comes across as if they don't care I hate being so super sensitive!!! Seems like I'm just moaning to you all the time! How are you hope your having more up days then down. Oh by the way I would cat you if I knew what it meant . Xxx

temm09 Tue 09-Jun-09 22:54:00

Hi Coxy, welcome back to work! I hope day 2 was slightly better than day 1, and perhaps some of your 'friends' managed to find the right words to say today. I'm sure it's more a case of not knowing what to say rather than not actually being aware of what you have been through - although really, how hard is it to just be nice?! I really hope someone reaches out to you and shows some sympathy.

I'm feeling back to normal - quite amazing how my body has gone back to normal - DP and I are realising just how 'altered' I was in my short pregnancy. My boobs are back down and no longer sore, appetite has gone right down, I'm not so tired and I'm not feeling too sad anymore... it's almost like it never happened and I imagined the whole thing. Oh, except I've got the last bits of bleeding and spotting as a friendly reminder hmm I have to wait for another scan post my AF to see whether I have fybroids, which may or may not be a problem (but can be removed). I really would love to just start TTC straight away - especially since I feel back to 'normal' and strong. But seems that's not to be just yet.

CAT is a way to email a mumsnetter directly, but maybe it's CAM? or something else... just when I thought I was mastering the acronyms!!!

xx

temm09 Mon 15-Jun-09 17:34:17

Hi Coxy been wondering how you are doing and how it's going back at work. I'm doing well - focusing on work and not dwelling too much on what happened. I really hope your work friends are being a bit more friendly now!
xx

coxy3005 Tue 16-Jun-09 14:01:02

Hi Temm, its so sweet of you to check up on me thankyou

I'm doing ok not dwelling too much but its funny how it hits you when you think your alright. I have had huge amount of support from people at work that I would never have expected it from which is great but the people that I did call my friends are still unsupportive infact I heard on the grapevine that someone I thought I was close to told people I was milking it when I had been signed off by the doctor!!!!

I've come to the conclusion that these people aren't worth worrying about and to move on with my life. I have put things into perspective now and have decided to look for another job, haven't been happy here for a long time the reason I stayed so long (4 years) was because I thought I had good friends, and also the fact that pretty much the entire company knows what happened to me which I can only imagine has come from my so called friend again! I would definitely like to start ttc again but I think I will wait a while and put my energies into other things and wait until I'm in a completely happy place that way if I'm totally content I'm hoping third time lucky. I'm looking for a job with no stress and no bitchiness (do you think such a job exists?)

I'm really pleased your doing ok.

Its right 'time is a healer'

Coxy xxx

zolivina Wed 17-Jun-09 14:20:33

Dear Coxy
i think cyber frineds are as vital as 'real?' freinds, my best friend and i both got pregnant at the same time and even though we live on the same street we would email our pregnancy journey most evry night, when we both lost our babies at the same time, it was the most awful coincidence,wwe had to say goodbye to our dreams. Your message was exactly how it happened for me, started bleeding the night before the 12 week scan and i went home to deliver the 8 week baby..it was a shcking experience, i didnt realise just what was involved but ultimaltly i follwed the natures path, my mate chose the D&C and we both have the same grief, so whatever and however it is a loss and it is so imporatant to share that loss and if it through a forum and cyber friends then please dont underestimate its power because peoples love and thoughts can definatly travel through cyber space, with that in mind , i wish you many more dreams and a happy healthy future, you deserve it and many thanks for sharing your story which has helped me with my loss too. There does come a time, however long it takes after the tears and the shock and the spaced out feelings where you begin to breathe again and think about new , fresh dreams, mine has just started, hope yours has too, lots of love x nic

coxy3005 Thu 18-Jun-09 14:01:54

Dear nic,

Thanks for your message, your definitely right about cyber friends you have all been a godsend

I am starting to look to the future again now and glad you are too

Thanks again coxy x

temm09 Mon 22-Jun-09 10:36:28

Nic you are so right, cyber friends are as important and so helpful, especially in this world where there never seems to be enough time.

Coxy I think that's a great idea to look for a new job... a fresh start, and you can get away from those disappointing friends who will probably always remind you of the hard time you have been through. Good luck finding a job with no stress and no bitchiness!!!

I am feeling a bit low today - mostly because my brother and his girlfriend have gone back home. They arrived the day I miscarried, so now it's kind of back to normal, except I'm not pregnant. So it's a bit hard not to feel sorry for myself. The rollercoaster continues... hope it goes back up soon!

coxy3005 Tue 30-Jun-09 13:25:58

So sorry I didn't see your post sooner, been trying to not use mn so much. Are you feeling any brighter after a week of going back to 'normal'?

Your quite right the people at work (I can't even be bothered to call them friends anymore!) do remind me of what I went through and they go on an on about their own lives and problems and I just want to shout "I don't care, did you care about me when I needed you NO" but I don't (does feeling like this make me a bad person?)

I'm due to go to see Take That on friday (sad I know!) with these very same people, it was booked months and months ago. Really looking forward to it but not looking forward to being with them, I can't believe how different I feel towards them

My AF returned on sunday which was a good because it meant its all really over but it was also sad as it just bought all the feelings flooding back!

Bloody rollercoasters, I used to like them when I was a kid!

Really hope your starting to go up again, sorry for babbling on about myself!
x

ChoChoSan Tue 30-Jun-09 14:38:51

Hi Coxy,

I'm just popping in to say hi, and thanks for all of your e-support last week.

I am glad that you are at a point of looking toward the future now, thankfully I am beginning to feel more normal again, and hoping to get back to ttc asap.

I am just waiting to hear if I can have a scan to check that I am all clear as it's now 2 weeks since I started to m/c/ naturally.

Have a great time om Friday, and please throw a pair of knickers at Jason Orange for megrin!

coxy3005 Thu 02-Jul-09 21:46:00

Ha ha Will do right after i've chucked mine at mark owen! grin

temm09 Mon 06-Jul-09 12:54:53

Hi Coxy

Thanks for your msg - I too have been avoiding MN, but feeling a bit tearful today and here I am again! A guy in my office just showed me their baby scan, 9.5 weeks which is more or less when I had my MC. Fighting back the tears now Funny how you think you're doing so well then it all comes back again.

Great to hear your AF is back - horrible things AFs, but at least your body is returning to normal. My bleeding started again and is still going on, but doesn't seem to be a period. I got a referral to see a private gynae which was very reassuring but seems this is all normal and we just have to wait for the body to do it's thing. Trying so very hard to be patient but gosh it's hard!

Hope you enjoyed Take That and maybe just maybe you all had so much fun together it will make things better for a bit. Hope the hunt for a new job is going well though.

Good luck for the rollercoaster ride, but with your AF arriving maybe you can hop off the rollercoaster now?!

xx

coxy3005 Wed 15-Jul-09 14:13:01

Hi Temm,

Sorry I missed your post (again!) are you feeling any better now? Its amazing the things that can set you off again! Its also so frustrating that the whole process takes so long to sort itself out. I read on your other post about your visit to the private gynae (not sure of spelling!) Very positive that your ovaries are not polysistic though very frustrating that you are still retaining, hopefully your scan will be the end of it!
Please let me know as I will be thinking about you.

Take that was brilliant and it did make things better for a bit but I'm afraid I'm one of those people that don't forget! The hunt for a new job hasn't started yet as I need to wait until next week to see if AF arrives as we 'did the deed' around about the time I would have been ovulating (didn't know that till afterwards and I checked my dates) so I might be pg and so the rollercoaster can start again.

I just need to sort work out because I am super stressed and everything is deadlines, deadlines, deadlines and before when I was pg I thought it would be frowned upon if I made a big deal about stress, but this time I don't give a sh*t about work.

big hugs

coxy xx

temm09 Thu 16-Jul-09 14:31:39

Hi Coxy

Ooh fingers crossed for you! I can't wait to start ttc again and swap this crappy rollercoaster for a new one! I'm seeing the gynae again on Monday and just hoping I'll be given the all clear. I guess at least if I'm not, I know something can be done very easily for fyrboids/polyps so it's not a disaster... just more waiting!

I think your new attitude to work sounds about right after everything that's happened! Definitely time to put yourself first!

Will let you know how it goes at the gynae.

Fingers crossed for you...

xx

zayja Tue 04-Aug-09 05:07:09

Hi All,
Just wanted to pop in to say hi and share my experience, as it is so similar to yours. When I had a mmc in late April I found this thread and it really comforted me to read your stories. I didn't feel like writing at the time, but now that I'm ttc again I'm back and I hope you all don't mind if I join.
My DH and I are ttc our first and had a mmc the first go-round. We went in for our 12w checkup and found the baby had no heartbeat. It was devastating b/c we had already seen the baby and heartbeat at 7w and the doctor told us at this point there's a 95% chance of sucessfully carrying the baby full term. Armed with this good statistical news, we decided to tell friends and family. It shouldn't have felt embarrasing to tell everybody we miscarried, but it did. Most family and friends were good about it, but some were downright awful! One person said that it obviously meant I was "pushing it" by trying to do too much - work full time, go to school and so on. I wanted to ask which he suggested I drop. Should I quit my job? Will you support me then!? (Sorry, I digress)
I opted for medical management because it looked like the baby had stopped growing 2wks prior and there were no signs my body was going to recognize it. Also, I just wanted to get it over with physically and emotionally while I had time off work. I'm fairly happy with that choice except my cycle has been off a bit since with lots of spotting etc. since, so I sometimes wonder if my body completely got rid of everything.
Anyway, ttc again but not even sure if I've ovulated yet - darn OPK's are so hard to read!
Thanks for sharing your stories and letting me share too.

Zayja

temm09 Wed 12-Aug-09 11:30:51

Hi Zayja

Sorry to hear about your MC. I'm glad that you found comfort on these pages, and that you were able to share your story. How sad that you had already had one good scan. I hope that the next TTC goes well. We are trying too, but I have AF again, so obviously last month was no good - so the rollercoaster continues! Roll on next ovulation day! I'm thinking of forking out for the ClearBlue fertility monitor - even though we got pregnant quite quickly and easily before, I want to maximise all our chances... getting a bit desperate!

Hopefully you'll get that BFP soon!

xx

TAcrazy Thu 13-Aug-09 11:38:40

I also found out I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. I had had a bit of red bleeding but mostly brown bleeding since a few days before my missed period but it is so confusing as I know lots of people have this and they are fine.

I had a scan at the EPAU last week and there was nothing there - no feotus - they measured the sac as being 7+3. I am so desparately sad about it. This was my first pregnancy and we had been ttc for over a year. I am of course hopeful that I will get pregnant again but I will be so terrified of the same thing happening.

I feel for everyone here as it is so upsetting when the worst case scenario happens and is so unfair when it is something you really want.

Much love to you all.

Laura

BayeauxT Thu 13-Aug-09 12:26:41

Hi Laura
I had the same thing (exactly a week ago in fact...) - went for 12 week scan and nothing there but a fetal pole and sac measuring 9w6d... I have a DD already and I feel so lucky that it was so straightforward with her. Feel sad I can't promise her a little brother or sister yet. My sister had the same thing happen with her first pregnancy - but I take comfort from the fact that she fell pregnant right away and now has a beautiful little girl. It doesn't make TTC any less terrifying though does it - I just cannot imagine going through that again.

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