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Relationship difficulties after miscarriage

(9 Posts)
RubyF Sun 29-Mar-09 20:38:58

Is there anyone else out there who has experienced difficulties with their partner since miscarrying. I had a miscarriage in December and had bleeding for a further 10 weeks. Now everything is back to normal I hope- I had my period last week. But everyday I am bickerinbg and arguing with my husband and saying some really nasty things.

He has been supportive- as much as anyone can be and we have spoken about trying again but I feel that I am taking out my frustrations out on him. I can't seem to help it and feel so upset afterwards. If we carry on like this I don't think I 'll have a marriage for much longer.

Can anyone offer any advice please or has anyone been in a similar position?

flockwallpaper Sun 29-Mar-09 21:02:22

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. What you are describing sounds quite similar to how I was.

I found that having another person other than DH to openly talk to about it helped me as it deflected some of my angry feelings away from him. I had long phone chats with a friend who was having fertility treatment, and we helped support one another. I don't think it would have been essential for it to be someone I know, just someone sympathetic to my situation.

I think the miscarriage association are good for offering support over the phone or face to face. Otherwise, I would suggest contacting the NCT, as they have what is called an experiences register of women who have experienced various things, including miscarriage, that are prepared to talk to such as yourself. You don't have to be a member to use the service.

The other thing to remember (and to remind your DH), is that anger is part of the grieving process, so it should eventually pass. Also, don't be too harsh on yourself, it is a horrible thing, try to line up some little treats for yourself, or the both of you. Hopefully some others will come along soon with more suggestions.

littlebellsmum Sun 29-Mar-09 21:13:16

HI Ruby
Sorry to hear your story - come and join us on the Emmsys Angels thread. I'm not sure if anyone is going through the same with dh but please come and see. I'm not clever enough to link it but will try harder if you can't find it

beanie35 Mon 30-Mar-09 13:00:42

You are not alone. I've had exactly the same experience following my 2 mcs, our problems have been going on for nearly a year. It can put a huge strain on even the strongest relationships. Think the suggestion of talking to someone other than dp about how you feel can help, or do as I do and post on here. Thinking of you.

kissmummy Mon 30-Mar-09 21:07:35

hi there, i can relate to this a bit. we had a really tough first nine months after my DS was born, and then only a few months when things were back to happy normal before i had my first miscarriage, followed by two others since. i have definitely taken my dark mood out on my husband on numerous occasions. in fact the whole misery of three consecutive miscarriages - temporarily i hope - changed me into not such a nice person to be around. and there's definitely not been much lovey dovey bedroom action for a very, very long time because of it all, and that can really upset a man.

RubyF Mon 30-Mar-09 23:03:06

Thanks for your replies. I think you forget that anger can be part of the grieving process but being reminded was a good thing.

I actually spoke to someone of my own age today who had miscarried last year, someone who it never crossed my mind would have experienced one. That was really helpful and she is such a positive person. Hopefully I will be too soon.

Wishing everyone well.

Daynee Tue 31-Mar-09 17:35:54

Call me crazy or lucky but my hubby and I have been fine, even after my 3 mc's. I'm not saying this to rub it in but rather to suggest more communication, which is what I emphasize big time in our relationship. He's not a talker (about feelings) but I am and after each mc, he was like, "This sucks and I'm sorry." The next day he was back to making jokes and being silly, like he always is, farting and slapping my butt - but you know what? That actually helped me because all the things I enjoy about him is what he continued to do. We cook together, dance around the kitchen, and just act plain retarded. And then when I feel like talking, I basically force him to talk, usually when we go out for a few drinks together - it's a great time to really let it out. A few times I got angry because he was like, "I don't know what to say anymore." That was frustrating and that's what moms and girlfriends are for I guess because I think men's minds just shut down after a few sentences and to them, any further discussion is like beating a dead horse.

BUT ANYWAY, let me stop my rambling and just suggest that you be honest, sit down, have drinks, have fun. My hubby and I are best friends and if you remember why you got married, I hope that you realize it was because you two were also best friends and still should be. Gool luck!

Wilde20 Thu 23-Feb-17 17:17:21

I know this post is a little old, but it is still relevant to many.

We have been experiencing something similar. We had two miscarriages last year. One at 5 weeks and the second at our 3 months scan. Since the last miscarriage in the summer, I have noticed my husband has been more angry and stressed in general. It has been difficult at times to say the least and it has got me quite low at times.

He has flipped out and yelled at me on a few occasions about issues which I think normally he wouldn't have done. I have retaliated in the past that ended us pushing each other, it was a very low point. I feel like we have become more distant and my trust in him is wavering. He has also said things to me that have upset me quite deeply. I am not sure if this is down to him not sharing his emotions after we lost the second baby, but I have a feeling that this is the case. He has said to me that the loss effected him more than he thought it would do and that he is unsure about whether he wants to try again for another one. Sometimes I feel that my son and my job are the things that keep me going.

It is a tough road, but I am hopeful things will improve, because I know we love each other, but before we think about trying for another baby, I know we must repair our relationship first.

Livalitte Wed 13-Sep-17 20:48:41

I saw this post come up on on Google and I'm going through the same thing now.
Me and my OH had planned to wait to get married etc before having a baby. We both have children from a previous relationship and just bought a house etc. But accidents happen and I found myself pregnant just over 2 weeks ago. I had a bleed last Thursday and had to wait until monday for scan, very early miscarriage was reported and I was sent home. I have been completely devastated since, my OH didn't really open up about anything and I've been putting off talking to him about our plans now. I desperately want to try again to try and heal this horrible wound. Eventhough I know another baby won't replace the lost one it would make this feeling more bearable.
OH is point blank refusing to the point where he is calling me manipulative because I told him i wanted to try sooner rather than later because of this loss.
We too got into a massive argument where he brought up how we weren't financially in the position which is a load of shit because we both have good jobs, he just set up road block after road block. He said some pretty unforgivable things and I dont know how get past it with him.
I'm expected to just move on and wait for him to be ready again whilst he doesn't even consider my feelings or pain.
Sorry for the long post I'm just lost at the moment.

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