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struggling to be positive after three unexplained miscarriages...

(19 Posts)
kissmummy Tue 24-Mar-09 15:47:55

i'm a regular on this board, not posted for a while. it's six weeks since my third miscarriage...it's been a difficult time but i've been feeling a lot better recently.
but now i feel i'm slipping back down into the gloom again....my period still has not come(i'm def not pregnant again) which is a surprise- with my last two miscarriages my period came back after a month.I've got all my blood test results back from the GP and they're clear, so no answers there, though of course it's a good thing they can't find anything wrong.
I've just read (skimmed) Lesley Regan's book on miscarriage and if anything that left me feeling worse as most of it didn't seem to apply to me. (i already have a DS, 20 months; and don't seem to have a problem getting pregnant, touch wood.)
My GP recommended progesterone tablets next time i get preg but regan's book makes it clear this is a total waste of time and if anything is worse than nothing as it will delay but not prevent a miscarriage shock
And finally my referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic got lost by the NHS or in the post so a month went by when i wasn't even on the waiting list; and i have to wait another month now for the appointment.
it all feels really crap. It seems there's no explanation for all my miscarriages; and i just can't imagine myself having a successful pregnancy. the whole saga seems to go on and on. and then i worry that this negativity might actually affect my chances in itself.sad
does anyone else feel like this?

KristinaM Tue 24-Mar-09 15:52:58

sorry i have no advice, just bumping for you

only thing i can add is that i think that feeling negative/down is normal in your circumstances and I'm not sure there is any evidence that it affects your chances of staying pg. if it was just a simple matter of being cheerful then there woudl be no need for assisted conception treatment and only happy women woudl have babies. so please dont beat yourself up about how you feel

Daynee Tue 24-Mar-09 16:20:18

Hi kissmummy - I believe we've spoken before (too many posts, can't remember the details...). I just wanted you to know you are certainly not alone and that you will most likely have another child if you're still fairly young. Please enjoy the ds you have now. I don't have dc and like you have had 3 mc's but unlike you, not sure if I can actually do it and I would be in heaven if I had an adorable 20 month old at home.
As far as Regan, well, she is just another doctor with an educated opinion that happens to have written a book but in no way does that mean she knows the answers because no doctor or scientist knows these answers. I've read studies (from refereed medical journals) that have shown increased rates of success in women with unexplained recurrent mc and who took the progesterone. So, I say - try it because it can't hurt. Sure, it could delay a mc but it could very well prevent one if you have low progesterone...

Anyway, I'm done rambling. I wish you the best of luck. I know I'll need it myself. It's weird how you're okay for a week, then the next week all you want to do is dig a hole and stay there. Some days are really hard for me to get through. Everyone keeps saying it will happen when it's supposed to happen. AARRRGGG. Whatever. sad

kissmummy Tue 24-Mar-09 16:50:07

daynee, thanks, yes, we've spoken before..i am so sorry for you. i am sooo aware of how lucky i am to have a child at all -i cant imagine how much worse it would feel without him. so my heart really goes out to you. some people on these boards have two or three children and it's hard not to feel envious. i try to remind myself how lucky i am. i really hope it turns out well for you. i seem to remember you don't live in England, is that right? or am i confusing you with someone else?
i know exactly what you mean about things seeming okay one week; then not the next. you just have to take it one day at a time, really, don't you...which is easier said than done..

deanychip Tue 24-Mar-09 16:57:15

in the same boat myself.

its been a year since my last mc.

All expalined to me as "just unlucky".
we dont have a reoccuring miscarriage place here.

I found out on mothers day that i am pregnant, about 5 weeks.

I cannot allow myself to get excited, every time i go to the loo, i jsut expect to see blood.
i have put it to the back of my head.

I have never got over the disapointment and trauma of those miscarriages, so i kinda know what you are saying.
I do have a son who is nearly 6, so like you i am lucky to have him.
Its just so fucking unfair isnt it.

mermaidspurse Tue 24-Mar-09 17:04:14

kissmummy and daynee we've all talked, pulled each other up, sent hugs and its that stuck in a loop feeling again - I am back at square one, miss a turn and go down a snake just for good measure, so am a bit down today too and know where you are both coming from.
kissmummy I guess what we want are answers with those test results and no wonder you feel so yuk if your poor body is not getting back to normal either - just try and go gently on yourself. Remember you have done it once, you can again.x
daynee yep I reckon I am game for trying anything now, acupuncture next and that is drastic for me, ouch.

OracleInaCoracle Tue 24-Mar-09 17:09:08

sweetheart, negativity will not affect your chances. it is a shitty fact that most rmc will be unexplained. however, there are steps that some docs will take to try to help. which bloods have you had done? which hospital have you been referred to? what stage have your mc's been at?

i know how frustrating it is. unfortunately ttc has altered now, but there is hope, you are grieving and just cant see it at the mo.

mermaidspurse Tue 24-Mar-09 17:38:40

deanychip I want to say well done and congrats to you and so know how you feel after 4mc myself. From everything that I have read it seems that we all have to (ha ha bloody ha) relax and be as unstressed as possible.
dont get fobbed off by the upbeat Dr who tells you it will all be ok untill 12 weeks. I think its really, really important to get these early scans for our own sanity.

Those lucky enough to have our dc already do cherish them but we also cherish those yet to come.
I will so keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you and send you sticky thoughts too. smile

Northernlurker Tue 24-Mar-09 17:47:03

Kissmummy - I'm very sorry for you loss sad

Regarding feeling negative - that is 100% understandable and reasonable to feel that way. Would help maybe for you to try acupuncture or reflexology though? Both treatments are I believe suggested as additional treatments when ttc and you never know it might help - won't hurt any way and the very act of doing something now could help your state of mind? Sounds like you feel in limbo at the moment and that's a hard place to be.

info on reflexology here

and acupuncture too

ladyhelen2 Tue 24-Mar-09 17:55:48

Kissmummy, I remember your original posts and am sorry you are feeling so down. I did too 3 mc down. However, I echo Northern Lurkers advise about reflexology. I ended up seeing two reflexologists (rather silly really - I didn't want to "dump" one so I ended up with two!) but as it turned out, I think they both really helped. One was treating the TTC aspect - she was the first one I saw. The other I started to go to after mc 2, and she worked on the mc side of things. Anyway, after mc3, I am convinced that the reflexology got my cycle back quickly and then a session around OV time, got me pg. If you are open to it, I would go for it, and its lovely to have your feet massaged and can't do any harm. Best of luck.

samoy Tue 24-Mar-09 19:29:15

Hello again kissmummy we ve spoken before. I understand you feelin like you ll never have another successful pregnancy again- i do too. My little boy is 3 and im desperate for him to have a sibling but it just seems so out of reach right now. Maybe your af is round the corner, this could explain why you feel as if you are sinking again at the moment. I think its almost impossible to be truly positive with future pregnancies after what we ve been through, its bloody awful how scared you feel. Im glad for you that your results came back normal but also sympathise with your frustration at having no answers-its limbo land. After 3 miscarriages in a row my consultant said i have a 20% chance of havin another miscarriage because i already have a child and that really goes in your favour. So im hanging onto the 80% chance i have of havin a successful pregnancy next time-please god!
Im hoping to go on a waiting list for recurrent clinic, but am going to continue with trying again and hopefully wont need the appointment. good luck to you x

kissmummy Tue 24-Mar-09 20:42:14

thanks everyone for all the supportive messages. i'm a bit encouraged by that statistic, samoy - 80pc is a wonderful chance. we should all hold on to that.
deanychip that is wonderful news but i soooo understand how you feel. for me, those early weeks of being pregnant after my first miscarriage, and wondering whether it would work out or not, were actually as hard, if not harder, than the weeks after it all went wrong. i found the uncertainty, fear, and hope an almost unbearable combination. so i am sending you lots of empathy and strength.
northernlurker i absolutely agree that i really want to do something, so i will definitely look into reflexology. i also wondered about whether miscarriage counselling might be helpful.i'm planning to have a look into that just as something positive to have in my diary while i wait for my period....

kay1980 Tue 31-Mar-09 18:55:32

Hi kissmummy think I have spoken to you before on another link. I have also had 3 miscarriages and have a DD. I was just wondering if you have ever tried the aspirin? I went to see a specialist last week and they have told me to try it next time I get pregnant.

Duggie Tue 31-Mar-09 19:10:51

hi
i am so sorry for what you are going thro. but i just wanted to give you a little bit of hope. I have a 7 yr old son and had no problems with the pregnancy/fertility. Sadly, I too then had 3 miscarriages. My partner and I had loads of tests and all came back as normal. My consultant referred me to recurrant miscarriage clinic and in the meantime told us to just keep trying. She prescribed me low dose aspirin and said that as soon as i became p/g she would scan us weekly as apparently the support of a weekly scan can significantly improve the outcome of pregnancies. Anyway, we got pg again and had weekly scans and i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last month. There were times when i thought i could not get out of bed or go to work because i was so fed up, but, i am so happy that i got thro the dark days as i now have a beautiful DD. I hope everything works out for you. Keep on at the hospital and push for every test possible even if just to set ur mind at rest that everything is ok x

kissmummy Sun 05-Apr-09 21:41:52

thanks so much for this lovely message duggie - it's wonderful to hear a positive story. i am taking aspirin every day and folic acid. in fact i tested negative for antiphospholid (hughes) syndrome but they said no harm in taking the aspirin anyway. i was surprised not to have antiphospholid as i have a lot of the markers for it (headaches in childhood etc) but i suppose it's better not to have it than to have it iyswim.
i think we've decided not to try this month - my period was very odd and i don't want to mess up the fourth attempt by being too impatient. so we'll leave it another few weeks and then try again, even though its frustrating to wait.
my first appointment with the recurrent miscarriage clinic is in about three weeks time.

samoy Mon 06-Apr-09 19:50:05

hi kissmummy can i ask what clinic you are being referred to and how you went about it? My gp looked into referring me to lesley regan but because he could nt use the 'choose and book system'
said it was nt possible!

kissmummy Thu 09-Apr-09 22:19:44

hi samoy, sorry for loooong delay spotting your post. i haven't been on this board for a while, which is a good sign for me as it means i'm a bit less obsessed by the whole situation than i have been...i'm being referred to a 'recurrent miscarriage clinic' at the Chelsea and Westminster. I don't know the name of the consultant who runs it. what i do know is that it only opens once every two weeks hmm on a Friday. how can this be enough?
my referral letter got lost in the post [hmmm] so that wasted about a month, and i finally have an appointment for the end of April. That will be three months after my third miscarriage. i'm not mega impressed but nor am i too agitated as i'm not holding out much hope they'll actually be able to do anything.

deepat Fri 10-Apr-09 09:02:46

Hi i've had two miscarriages in six months boths at 3 1/2 weeks, pregnancy test coming back negative but blood test showing i'm pregnant,and the doctors say they can't explain it. when do they refer you to the hospital for checks, i've got two children thats why it makes it harder to accept because i know i can carry a baby anyone with any suggestions or advice thanks

Fiona1000 Tue 10-Nov-09 13:59:57

HI Kissymummy, I just picked up your message and saw no more posts since April, so am hoping things are progressing well? I have just had my 4th miscarriage - 3 in a row after 1 DS who is now 4. I have been referred to Mr Shehata who specialises in Miscarriages and has a very good success rate. I went to see him in September, but didn't realise I was already pregnant, but after just losing baby number 4 at 8 weeks-, am going back to see him in December. I am hoping that after 3 Misc's in a row, we have to be lucky the next time. I am 44, so age is not on my side, but we are still hopeful. fyi, they told me at the clinic men can take magnesium and zinc suppliments to help aid the quality of the sperm and alsoL-carnatine and L-arginine help the sperm. I have had all bloods done and nothing is coming up as wrong. Just got the full Thrombo screen to have tomorrow and if that comes back fine, then it is just natures way of filtering out the sick ones and we will keep fingers crossed that the next one will be absolutely perfect.

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