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Please help - missed miscarriage at 8 weeks

(42 Posts)
babyinacorner Fri 20-Feb-09 12:51:20

Hi - Would have been 8+1 today but a visit today to the EPAC showed that there was no heartbeat and the foetus had died at 7 weeks approx (there was a heartbeat at 6+1)

I would appreciate anybody's advice on what to do next - the hospital advised me of the three options (surgical,medical or natural) I have had no bleeding so far.

Part of me really wants to take the medical option so I don't have to go through the pain of the inevitable miscarriage but on the other hand I feel that I should go with nature and at least I will have a chance to see everything and say goodbye. I'm so confused. Will the miscarriage be horrendous? Does anyone with any experience have any advice?

Thanks

babyinacorner Fri 20-Feb-09 13:23:55

.

mrsdisorganised Fri 20-Feb-09 13:26:16

sad

Don't really have any advice, had a mmc at about 7 weeks but it was natural, took a while for my body to sort itself out. Hopefully there is someone here who can help. ((((hugs))))

babyinacorner Fri 20-Feb-09 13:42:41

Thanks -if you feels you can answer this - is the pain as bad as going into labour or like period pains?

babyinacorner Fri 20-Feb-09 13:43:31

feel not feels

RupertTheBear Fri 20-Feb-09 13:45:22

I had a mmc at 11 weeks but the baby had died at 8. The pain was like labour - but over a lot quicker. You can also take strong painkillers.
You don't have to see everything - I chose not to.
If I was to choose again I may well go for a ERPC.

babyinacorner Fri 20-Feb-09 13:46:45

Thank you RupertTheBear

MadamDeathstare Fri 20-Feb-09 13:50:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsdisorganised Fri 20-Feb-09 13:53:45

It felt like very bad period pains, but I thinks it's the emotional stress I found hardest. I hope you're ok, and get through whichever way you decide, it's horrible for you. x

EldonAve Fri 20-Feb-09 14:00:26

sorry for your loss

I had a MMC around 9 weeks. Pain was similar to labour but only for a short time. There was a hell of a lot of blood.

Having read on MN about the medical mgmt it seems pretty awful - it is just inducing your body to mc

neolara Fri 20-Feb-09 14:15:59

Firstly I'm sorry for the loss of your baby. It's a horrible, horrible thing to experience.

I've had four miscarriages and have experienced natural mc, medically managed mc and also ERPC. It is very difficult for others to say what your mc will be like, because everyone seems to have very different experiences. For example,
I didn't have pain with any of my mc (at 4 1/2 weeks, 7 weeks, 8 weeks and 12 weeks), but I know others have very different experiences.

Also, it may be helpful to know that there is no guarantee that you will mc naturally in the next week or so. It is not uncommon for missed mc to be diagnosed at the dating scan when the baby has stopped growing 6 weeks earlier. You may decide that you only want to wait one or two weeks to mc naturally before wanting more medical intervention.

If you do start to mc in the next few days, my expereince of an 8 weeks mc was that physically it was actually ok. As I said before, it wasn't painful and the blood loss was similar to a period. However, I would not recommend waiting to mc naturally until say 12 weeks. I had a medically manged mc at 12 weeks and the blood loss was frankly pretty horrific. It was ok because it happened in hosptial and I felt safe and cared for, but I think it would be a pretty alarming to experience this at home. I was also advised to wait 3 months after the medical management before TTC - although the Miscarriage Association did not agree with this need to wait.

If you go for the surgical option, it will be over very quickly but of course you will have to have a general anaesthetic. I was very aprehensive about this, but again, the reality was actually OK. You will also need someone to look after you for 24 hours after the op as you will probably be very woosy and might have some co-ordination problems.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

2manychips Fri 20-Feb-09 14:35:52

Hi, I truly feel for you. I had the same decision last week. My 12wk scan revealed my baby had died around 9wks. With the help of the girls on here I opted for ERPC, which was done on tues. It was very fast and simple. I have experienced slight cramps and bleeding since.(I know this can vary)
Emotionally for me, I think it has helped me cope as I have no longer the image of the baby still inside me,but I think this is a very individual thing.

HeadFairy Fri 20-Feb-09 14:44:24

Babyinacorner, so sorry to hear you're going through this, I've had two mcs at 6 weeks both were naturally completed. One thing I did find awful was passing the sac, and that's one thing I've decided if I have another mc and it's later than 6 weeks I'd rather it was surgically managed. It wasn't horrendous at 6 weeks but I'd hate to have to do that with a baby that was bigger iyswim. Sorry if that's very graphic, nothing about mc is pleasant. Take care of yourself and make sure you take some time to recover, whatever you decide.

Sorry to slightly hijack, 2manychips - so sorry to hear about your mc. I remember you from the sept ttc board. I hope you're ok (obv, not very easy when you're going through this) xx

wimblepea Fri 20-Feb-09 15:20:05

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your missed miscarriage. I too discovered at almost 13 weeks I had had a missed miscarriage when I was having my nuchal scan. The consultant said the foetus probably didn't survive longer than 6 weeks based on the size. And, that given that it was 6 weeks in size it would be impossible to ascertain any reason for the miscarriage given it was only my first pregnancy.

He also gave me the options like you and suggested I could stay at the hospital and be readied for the surgical procedure at the end of their list straight away! Whilst it seemed quite rushed, I wasn't forced to go through with this but felt it was the best thing to do. All the staff in various departments visited that day were very sensitive to my situation and I felt that it was best to do there and then as I am not sure I could have beared the anticipated/prolonged anxiety.

Just in case you don't know, for the surgical procedure, they give me a pessary which makes your uterus contract and gives the feeling of severe period pains. I understand this in itself could be enough but the surgical procedure ensured all the remnants etc are removed correctly to prevent further complications and best prepare the uterus for future pregnancies. There was bleeding afterwards but nothing more than just a heavy period for me.

What you will find is that with time you can more easily talk about it and come to terms with this devastating event. With time, I found it so surprising how many people I discovered in my friendship group who had gone through the same thing. It was comforting to then have people to chat about it.

All the best in whatever decision you make. I don't think there is a right one but you are certainly right to understand your options.

HumphreysCorner Fri 20-Feb-09 15:25:37

I am so sorry to hear this. sad

HC
x

lixanismapolium Fri 20-Feb-09 15:45:47

Hi babyinacorner. So sorry. I found out at 11+5 that I had mmc at 7 weeks last year. I had an ERPC with that one and would do exactly the same again. We are all different though. I just needed to get through it and start getting back to 'normal'. The op was very quick and simple and although there was quite a bit of bleeding afterwards, I did feel a lot better knowing that it was over. If you leave it to happen naturally you could be waiting weeks.

Good luck with whatever decision you make and look after yourself.

theboob Fri 20-Feb-09 15:47:09

babyinacorner so sorry sad

thinking of you x x

2manychips Fri 20-Feb-09 15:56:00

(Headfairy-didnt realise you were on the mc forum too so sorry. Have seen a few names from that time on these threads,its really brought it home to me how many ladies suffer these sad experiences)

babyinacorner, I hope you find as much help and comfort on here as I have.

HeadFairy Fri 20-Feb-09 16:52:53

2manychips, feel like I'm becoming part of the furniture over here now.

pinkypanther Fri 20-Feb-09 18:03:49

babyinacorner, so sorry to hear about your MMC.

I had a very similar experience a few weeks ago - scan at 6+0 showed a heartbeat, then went back at 9+4 and little bean had stopped developing soon after the first scan sad

I was offered the natural "wait and see" approach or a surgical option (at my local hospital they don't do medical management).

It's an individual decision and everyone is different, but I decided to book myself in for the surgical option, because it had already been four weeks since our little bean had stopped developing and I therefore wasn't confident of the MC happening naturally. I also felt it was hanging over me and I was quite scared to leave the house in case it happened when I was at work or out with friends. As I am fairly squeamish DH also felt it might traumatise me to see what was happening.

I was VERY upset the day of the operation, but it wasn't that bad, I was only in for the day, and I had a huge sense of relief when it was all over. I bled for about 3-4 days and then had a bit of spotting for 10 days or so after that. The only bad point about it was that I felt really sad thinking that I had left our little bean in the hospital - I did see someone on here talk about having a natural MC and thinking that their baby had floated away on the sea, which I thought was a nicer way of looking at it.

Hope that helps.

babyinacorner Fri 20-Feb-09 18:53:46

Hi everyone -thanks for all your kind words and advice -I have been at my mums this afternoon so have only just seen the posts.

I think the one thing stopping me having the erpc is the thought that I won't get a chance to say goodbye properly but I suppose I could ask the hospital if they could keep the remains which I could bury (hope that doesn't sound dramatic) also keep getting the random thought 'what if they got it wrong?' Although I do know in my heart that's not the case. sad did anyone else have this worry?

pinkypanther Fri 20-Feb-09 19:00:31

babyinacorner - I wasn't offered the option of keeping any remains from the ERPC. I am not sure whether they would be allowed to give them to you - but I guess it doesn't hurt to ask.

I had a little (mental) chat with my little bean when waiting for the ERPC, said goodbye, said I loved him and wanted him very much and was really sorry that I didn't get the chance to meet him. I felt that was the best I could do really.

In terms of thinking "what if they got it wrong", I knew in my heart of hearts that it was all over, but they took the time to show me the picture on the screen and I could see there was no flickering heartbeat there like there was before. If they didn't do this with you then no harm in asking for another scan to be on the safe side (again, the worst that can happen is that they say not).

If you're too upset to ask the questions yourself, could you take someone to the hospital with you?

Big hugs and best of luck with it all xxx

babyinacorner Fri 20-Feb-09 19:10:37

by the way, I just realised in my original post that I said I was torn between medical and natural. What I meant was surgical and natural (I def don't want the medical option)

Pinkypanther - Thanks for taking the time to post. So sorry you have had to go through this too. I like your idea of saying goodbye mentally. x

lixanismapolium Fri 20-Feb-09 20:09:31

babyinacorner - when I had my erpc I had to sign something to agree that any remains would be cremated without any type of service or reminder, they told me where, but there was no other option. It may be different at different hospitals though.

lixanismapolium Fri 20-Feb-09 20:12:16

If you want to say goodbye, lots of people do something as a small gesture to their little one, like let a helium balloon float up into the sky for them, either soon after the loss or sometimes on the day the baby would have been due.

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