Recent MIscarriage - scared for the next time

[Diddle]

I had a miscarriage 6 weeks ago, not much bleeding but quite a lot of pain, just like bad period pains. I made an appointment with a stand by doctor the same day to check what was going on, but all he could tell me was that he thought that maybe I was having a miscarriage ( i was 8 weeks pregnant)But he couldn't confirm it for me and all he did really was talk to me. Not feeling reassured about anything at all i decided to go to the local A&E to see if they could give me a scan to see what was happening. After waiting hours they finally saw me and did a pregnancy test which came back negative, but i wasn't totally covinced and tried so hard to get a scan but they wouldn'g give me one. I was apalled, after waiting so long and knowing that it is quite possible to have a false negative, the only thing they could do was send me to see a doctor on a ward, who told me the same.
My husband and I were gutted, it was our first pregnancy, and spent a good week bursting into tears all the time, Its getting much easier now. We are both occupied by work, so don't have time to think about it.

We both really want to try again and are so scared about what will happen and who we will tell, and how we will feel. Has anyone else had a miscarriage and another pregnancy, and how did you feel?

[Enid]

I think not giving you a scan was unforgivable.

Sorry, but I think you should ring your Early pg unit and ask for one now to check everything has been expelled. It might help with the grieving process too.

I had a mc at 8 weeks a couple of years ago. I was devastated obviously. Concieved again within a couple of months and had beautiful dd2 with no probs.

[Azure]

Diddle, sorry to hear about your experience. I've had miscarriages at 12 and 8 weeks, so know how awful it is. I too had a useless experience at A&E (doctors can't tell what is happening just by looking at you), but at least I got a referral to an EPU. I'm surprised your test came back negative - as you say, you can get a false negative, although it is more unlikely the further on you are. I assume you tested positive earlier. Have you had a period since? Miscarriages are, unfortunately, horribly common and are in themselves no indication of any problems in succesfully having a baby later on. It is scary being pregnant again (I am now 16 weeks) and you will experience a whole range of emotions, from joy at being pregnant to guilt at the pregnancy that was lost, as well as fear that the same thing is going to happen again. Mumsnet is a great place to discuss all those feelings. Best of luck going forward - as I say, there is every chance that you will have a healthy and successful pregnancy in the future.

[scotlou]

I had an early miscarriage and then went on to have a healthy pregnancy. I did get a scan at the EPU which confirmed I was no longer pregnant - and the midwives on the unit were wonderful - offered me early scans with my next pregnancy for reassurance etc. I went through my 2nd pregnancy terrified that the same thing would happen again - any tummy pains or discharge and I would be convinced it was all going wrong. Then of course you start to see your body changing and feel the baby move and it gives more reassurance.
Like you, I was devastated by my first m/c - I'd never heard of it happening before and it was only when I went throught it myself that I dsicovered how common it is. Good luck. You will get pregnant and have a healthy baby.

[Marina]

Diddle, I agree that not giving you a scan was a disgrace - although you are clearly now physically OK, sadly some women who miscarry can develop a nasty infection if not all the placenta and baby are expelled. The hospital could not have known you would be all right, or known for sure you had not retained some of the pregnancy.
Like Enid and Pamina and many, many, Mumsnetters on here, I too have gone through a pregnancy after losing a baby.
I can recommend Carol Cirulli Lanham's book as a reassuring read when you are ready to TTC again.
Enid Pamina and I are good examples of people getting pregnant really quite quickly after a miscarriage or stillbirth, so we prove the theory that you are very fertile at this time. But you do need to make the decision that is right for you both.
The other thing that helped us all enormously was the support we got from Mumsnet! I think you are quite new here? If so, then welcome, although I am so very sorry that a miscarriage has prompted your post.
I will be honest and say I had a crap time during my subsequent pregnancy because of worrying and with hindsight I wish I could have given myself and poor dh a break. But, with help and support from health professionals and friends, I got there, and now have a horribly lively 20 month old dd to contend with.
I really think you need to go back to your GP, speak to someone who is not a locum, discuss your care at the time of the miscarriage and find out from your GP which of the local hospitals has an Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU). If none of them do, and you happen to be in London, then St Thomas Hospital near Waterloo has a self-referring, walk-in EPU that you do not need to haggle with unhelpful doctors to be referred to.
Sending you and your dh lots of sympathetic vibes. It is a horrible shock and a horrible experience to live through

[Merlin]

Diddle - sorry to hear your sad news. I am shocked they didn't scan you - would have thought that was automatic, just to check there was no infection or anything. Definitely contact your EPU and/or GP as others have suggested. As for trying again, well I have DS (age 4), sailed through that pregnancy with no problems. Tried again for no2 and lost it at 12 weeks - we were just so shocked, but for us, we decided to try again almost imediately and luckily within 2 mths I fell pregnant - due in 4 weeks. Yes, you worry about every little niggle and ache and pain, but you do get through it and of course the end result is a lovely baby! I think you just have to take every day as it comes and not look too far ahead. Good luck with whatever you decide. Oh, just thought, did the hospital give you any leaflets on miscarriage or support groups you could contact? You might find them helpful.

[Diddle]

Thank you all so much for all your support, I have spoken to the doctors this week to see if there is any follow up that they normally do, as i was quite surprised that i hadn't heard from them, and I also did find out last weekend that I am pregnant again already. Wasn't going to tell anyone or mention it but have decided to let you guys know.
I am terrified thatt he same will happen again, I am only 6 wks so need to get past 12 to feel slightly reassured.
Seeing the midwife on Tuesday and have a scan booked already for April. Will be due in November. I haven't had a period between and we are both totally shocked that we have conceived again so soon. But pleased as well.

[Nemo1977]

hi hun i have had 3 mcs and also have one ds. The fears are completely normal but would deffo ask for early scan at around 8 weeks to check things out so u dont end up stressing
good luck in ur pg

[Marina]

Wow, congratulations Diddle. As Pamina says, if you need support, you'll find it here. And on the appropriate Ante-Natal Club thread too
Lovely news, appreciate your nerves though!

[Merlin]

Diddle that's fantastic!!!!! Keep well and try not to worry - as I said before I found just taking a day at a time was good. Good luck with the 1st scan too.