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lost my baby due to c.v.s. still so sad

(12 Posts)
souljagirl Sat 18-Oct-08 14:54:49

Hi

this was 2 years ago. I was 37, had a 1 in 90 chance of ds. decided on c.v.s (was told risk was only 1%.)

everything went well, no bleeding or anything. 5 weeks later no heartbeat was found. my baby had died a few weeks earlier. my doctor said unlikely to be due to c.v.s but could never be sure. the guilt is still overwhelming. i feel i don't deserve any sympathy as i would have terminated had ds been detected. that alone makes me so ashamed.

I haven't been able to conceive since. my dd is an only child and when i look at her playing alone i cry.

I just needed to write this down.

MrsMattie Sat 18-Oct-08 14:57:20

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage@souljagirl.

Have you spoken to anyone about this? I mean, a professional? It seems a heavy burden for you to bear, blaming yourself all this time for what happened...you shouldn't have to go through this anymore.

SharpMolarBear Sat 18-Oct-08 14:58:04

So sorry No experience but couldn't read and not post

milou2 Sat 18-Oct-08 15:06:06

I'm so sorry.

souljagirl Sat 18-Oct-08 15:09:24

Thank you.

MrsMattie. No i haven't spoken to anybody. I know i have to come to terms with this, i knew the risk of m/c was there.

It's the guilt. very hard to deal with.

Heated Sat 18-Oct-08 15:10:52

Of course you deserve sympathy, and lots of it. What a horrible experience to go through. Agree with Mrs Mattie, why not be kind to yourself, see your gp and arrange some grief counselling?

MrsMattie Sat 18-Oct-08 15:13:46

I can't imagine sad@soulja.

I think you should talk to someone about this.

You made an informed decision based on good research / evidence and with only a very small, tiny chance that something would go wrong....and you were incredibly unlucky. sad

It is really heartbreaking - but you have done nothing wrong.

Please don't carry this around with you for much longer on your own.

CatMandu Sat 18-Oct-08 15:15:17

Sorry to hear about this, I'm sure it's been very hard for you.

I'm no expert, but I had cvs with my ds with professor Nikalaides (sp?) privately - we couldn't get an nhs appointment for a few weeks and I couldn't cope with the wait. Anyway, he said that the chance of miscarriage is only due to the needle puncturing the embryo during the proceedure. While he did it I was also being scanned and we could all see the embryo and the needle going in, I found it very hard to watch. As soon as he removed the needle he said that there was now not further risk, if the needle doesn't go near the embryo then the cvs has been a sucess and there is no further chance of miscarriage from it.

So, what I'm saying is that based on that information it couldn't have been the cvs that caused the miscarriage. Please stop blaming yourself, you didn't do anything wrong.

souljagirl Sat 18-Oct-08 15:29:58

Thank you Catmandu.

I had my c.v.s. at st.georges hospital (london) The doctor performing the proceedure was trained by professor Nikalaides. After the cvs he checked babies heatbeat and said it was normal and that the risk of m/c was now down to just 0.5%. I was also told just to watch out for bleeding/leaking or fever. because i had none of these symptoms i thought everything was ok.

I don't know why i'm still feeling so guilty, i just can't stop blaming myself for causing my m/c. talking here is helping me.

Thank you.

CatMandu Sat 18-Oct-08 15:34:05

You didn't cause it, the cvs didn't cause it I am absolutely sure of this.

We had a similar odds to you and we made the same decision as you did, so you made a choice that lots and lots of other couples have made. When I was at the clinic waiting for the cvs there was a woman there who was having it just in case even though her chance of a problem was 1 in thousands - now that was mad.

Misscarriages happen for all sorts of reasons and the fact that you probably won't ever know what caused it is understandably hard to bare. It is highly unlikely that you did anything wrong.

souljagirl Sat 18-Oct-08 15:52:50

Catmandu. Thank you so much for talking to me, you really have helped. seeing something written in black and white telling me it's highly unlikely the c.v.s caused the m/c (from someone that's had the experience) is a great help.

Anyway, dd is shouting at me to take her swimming, so i will log off now, but thanks again, to all of you.

throckenholt Sat 18-Oct-08 16:04:22

I think catmandu is right - cvs would have a different type of miscarriage - not just a no heartbeat a couple of weeks afterwards. I think you were just terribly unlucky that your baby didn't live, and that the timing has given you this guilt to carry for so long.

Be kind to yourself and grieve for what might have been - but accept it wasn't any thing you did.

And there is nothing wrong for being brave enough to say you would have aborted if it had been downs - that after all is why it is offered as an option.

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