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I need advice

(11 Posts)
Bethany1985 Thu 18-Sep-08 13:58:47

Hi everyone im really just looking to meet ppl who can help me, im 23 and i have PCOS i have had issues conciving a child and about 4 weeks ago i found out that i was pregnant then on tuesday (16/9/2008) i lost the baby i just dont know what to do i have spent the last 3 days in bed crying, it just seems so unfair after everything that this should happen. my partner has been a big support but i feel like he doesnt understand, when i saw those two lines i thought that god had finally been listening to my prayers and now i just feel so lost and alone...can anyone help me to know what to do?

Dropdeadfred Thu 18-Sep-08 14:02:15

Sorry you have through this...I'm afraid that early mcs are far more common than I ever thought until I had my first one...
The positive thought to cling to is that you DID get pregnant despite the PCOS and one mc doesn't necessarily mean you will have problems with subsequent pregnancies..

Allow yourself time to grieve, but don't let it overwhelm you...
Best of luck for the furure - hope you feel better soon.

Bethany, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have PCOS and have had real issues conceiving - even though I have two children. I have also had a miscarriage and was utterly devastated by it.

The most important thing is that you let yourself feel everything you need to. Some people may say stupid things to you. I knew I was grieving the loss of a baby - but some people find it hard to see it as real.

It is unfair. Completely unfair. It can be difficult for your partner to understand, because you already had contact with your baby, whereas he didn't. Does that make any sense at all?

There are no set rules on how you deal with this, but give yourself lots of time, and don't push yourself at all.
x

Bethany1985 Thu 18-Sep-08 14:07:33

Thankyou for the advice i just dont know how long it will take i literally feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and it doesnt seem to be getting any better i also kind of feel silly for being so emotional about it when it was so early in the pregnancy.

Dropdeadfred Thu 18-Sep-08 14:10:50

It's like a promise being broken isn't it? You feel you are promised a baby from the moment you see that positive test...and then the dream is taken away

You ARE grieving the loss of a baby, however early it was, you are still sad for what SHOULD have been...
You will not forget this, but you will survive it and I sincerely hope it's not too long before you have conceived again.

Don't feel silly for being emotional - you have suffered a loss and you must let yourself grieve.

I remember that feeling of having had your heart ripped out. I'd never felt a pain like it. I made the mistake of focusing completely on getting pregnant again - it was only a year later that I realised that this would not bring back the baby I had lost. It was only then that I grieved. I planted a tree in her memory and named her. It made it easier to remember her, and not just the pain. For all that it hurts now, one day I was able to remember just how happy she had made me - even though it was for such a short period of time.

We are all different. There is no "wrong way to feel". But don't deny your feelings.

Last week I was in the hospital where I had lost her, and even now (5 years later) I still felt teary.

Bethany1985 Thu 18-Sep-08 14:17:32

It is and im really angry about it when i left the hospital i just wanted to punch something i have always had faith and believed in God but after this i dont know what to believe i just dont see the reason behind showing someone everything they want and then taking it away, its really not fair and whats worse is i cant talk to anyone about it i just think they will think its stupid that i feel this way because it was so early, and another thing it pisses me off when everyone tells me there is a reason for everything what could possibly be the reason for this?

I wish I could give you answers. There is no reason for this.

Try to find someone to talk to, it will help you stop bottling things up. If you really can't talk to a friend or family then could you ask your doctor for some counselling?

I know what it is like trying to conceive when you have problems. It can take over your life and make it difficult to think about anything else. Please talk to someone.

barbie1 Thu 18-Sep-08 19:48:43

bethany1985 hello darling, im so sorry for you, like you i have just had a mmc found out at 11 weeks that the baby died at 7 weeks, you have the right to feel angry, i have been hating everything lately, the dog, my husband, the kids i see pushing prams...you name it and it will set me off...feel free to vent your anger on here, you will get a lot of support, especially if you dont want to seek help from the doctor/counseller . try to find the thread emmsys angels, a place where we are all feeling like you, a nice place to talk and get through such a horrid time. as for everything happens for a reason, you will hear more of this in the coming weeks, sometimes people dont know what to say when they hear the news so say things like this to make you and them feel better but as you know it doesnt. I hope this has helped, take care of yourself xxx

shazzaren Fri 19-Sep-08 07:48:12

Hi Bethany1985

I had my first mc a year ago this month, I also have PCOS and was pretty thrilled to find out I was pregnant and my heart ached when I read your post.

Yes you will feel awful, allow yourself to feel awful because your body is in a really strange place, hormones still think you are pregnant and your body needs to settle down. This really heightens your emotions so sit tight, cry, punch, do what you need to do and over the next few days (and maybe a little longer) you will start to feel a little different.

What has helped me over the last year (have had 3 mc) is finding out how I can help myself and one of those things is going on metformin for my PCOS which 'fine tunes' your ovaries and helps with conception and miscarriage. Different consultants have different opinions of it but its worth looking into. The good news is (and it wont bloody feel like it at the moment) is that you know you can conceive and this is a big positive to hang on to. Wishing you all the best. P.s. I have a 4 year old son, despite having PCOS, it will happen for you.

Sharon
x

Bethany1985 Sun 21-Sep-08 03:08:48

Thankyopu for your kind words sharon i used to be on Diabex the extended release metformin/diaformin but my new doctor took me off it because she said there are no "proven" benifits i always thought i should get a second oppinion and now i will. thankyou so much to everyone this has helped me so much to know that ppl understand what im going through ...and right now im not feeling quite so alone anymore. xx

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