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what is going to happen next? so scared!!!

(56 Posts)
barbie1 Wed 10-Sep-08 20:09:59

After waiting a whole 2 weeks for nature to take its course i had to go to hospital today as the sac was still present and and hadnt passed anything. I was offered the d&c op but just couldnt face it, i think the word suction got to me, i didnt want my baby just sucked out of me so i opted for the tablet approach, only now im panicking, what will come out, will i see the baby? does it hurt, what do i do with it once its out? sorry so many questions but im soooo worried now and maybe think the op would of been better, anyone else had this please help!!!

sfxmum Wed 10-Sep-08 20:14:54

I a sorry for your loss

I expect you are still under 9wks?
when I miscarried last year I started bleeding at 8wks but the foetus had stopped growing at about 5wks. that is very small.

On this occasion I opted to let it happen naturally which it did over about 1week.
I did see the sac when I went to the toilet but it is very small and no could not see the foetus

TheBlonde Wed 10-Sep-08 20:24:29

Sorry to hear you are going through this
How many weeks are now?

barbie1 Wed 10-Sep-08 20:24:50

im nearly 12 weeks but the baby stopped growing at 7.5 weeks, im scared to move right now..ill be releived when its over but i almost dont want it to be, if that makes sense? im sure nothing will happen until the second tablet on friday but im so emotionally drained right now that all im doing is crying, thanks for replying so quickly xxx

cmotdibbler Wed 10-Sep-08 20:25:16

I'm so sorry for your loss.

If the tablets work (they don't always, and they should have told you that it is less likely that they will work for you as its been some time)then you'll start to bleed, then there will be clots, and then bits that look like liver. There might be an intact sac, and usually they come out in the toilet. The hardest part is flushing it away sad

It can range from just period like cramps to really quite painful. The hospital should have given you painkillers and instructions of what to do, and when you should contact them or go in

cocolepew Wed 10-Sep-08 20:26:33

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't be much help as I had a D & C, but I hope you're ok.

barbie1 Wed 10-Sep-08 20:28:25

no painkillers given, just told to go home and to expect a d&c on friday if the tablets dont work....im feeling lightheaded and tired and sorry for myself, i know im not the onlyone and after reading about theblonde i guess i have got off lightly, that you all for replying, im so glad i have the support of people who understand xx

DumbledoresGirl Wed 10-Sep-08 20:29:34

Oh I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be awful for you. I can't really advise having only lost an empty sac before, but I have googled fetus sizes for you and a fetus of 7 weeks is about 1.25 cm which is very tiny, if you are scared at the thought of seeing the baby.

I don't know if that helps at all. I apologise profusely if it has made things worse. sad

TheBlonde Wed 10-Sep-08 20:33:55

I don't know much about medical mgmt, they didn't offer this option at my hospital

This old thread seems to suggest that nothing will happen until the 2nd tablet

barbie1 Wed 10-Sep-08 20:34:44

no not at all, i still cant get over the support you get on here, my dh thinks it makes things worse as im always crying while reading the stories but it helps, its my way to grieve and hopefully make friends with people who are going through the same, hopefully will can share positve stories together in the future

cmotdibbler Wed 10-Sep-08 20:43:51

I know that when I was going through my miscarriages (I had three before DS was finally with us), what I needed was to hear from people who had really been there and understood what it was actually like - lots of crying at the PC !

I thought that you had to have both tablets before it would work too, so am confused that they have told you that you'll have a ERPC on Friday.

TBH, I had an ERPC the first time, a natural mc the second, and opted for an ERPC the third time as I wanted to get it over and done with - but I was in a very different place mentally that time than with the first

TheBlonde Wed 10-Sep-08 20:43:55

it's hard cos it's not the sort of thing that people talk about a lot in RL

although a couple of friends I told have also had mc but I didn't know that until I told them about mine

just try and take it easy, get some rest, watch some rubbish on TV

AnnieLaurie Wed 10-Sep-08 21:03:05

Hi Barbie, so sorry you are going through this, I have been through it too, so will tell you waht i know, it might help.

I had a missed miscarriage, ie went for 12 week scan and was told it had died at about 7 weeks. Pretty hideous experience.

I, like you couldn't face the D & C option, and went for the 'assisted medication' route.

It was very strange going about for several days til I was given the first tablet, you almost can't quite believe that the baby is not alive anymore. It sounds like the process varies depending where you are in the country. For me, was given first tablet, then was booked to go in for the next one and to stay in the hospital for it all to happen if you know what i mean.

Anyway, several hours after 1st tablet, in the middle of the night, I woke up and knew it was happening already without the 2nd tablet. I had bad cramps and started to bleed a lot, had a bath, thought the water might help, then sat on the loo and some really big clots came out, which was v distressing for me and DH - you just dont know what it is. I didn't see the sac or foetus - I felt something heavy go down the loo, but couldn't see it, cos of the blood but I kind of knew somehow, that that was the main thing coming out and I started shaking and very nearly fainted.

I was told to go to the hospital when we rang them and they gave me the 2nd pill anyway, to make sure it was all coming out. It was a v v distressing time, and you will grieve, but that is a very necessary and natural process, so dont feel bad about tears, upset, it is part of the emotional healing.

One of the nurses said to me that it was nature's way of telling you that things weren't right, nobody's fault - I really think that is true, so tell yourself that again and again.

Sorry this is prob TMI but I thought it might be good to tell you - I think its good to have lots of info and know what to expect.

obviously it is different for every woman, your experience might be completely different. Just be prepared that you might bleed a lot and have very big clots coming out, I found it very scary, but you do get through it, and call your hospital if you need to talk to them if you are struggling to cope.

My advice would be try not to look at what comes out, if you are at home on the loo. I know that is a bit graphic, but I am glad I didnt see it, if you do, you have to just think that it is nature's way.

I will be thinking of you - if you have anymore questions just ask, think that is enough details unless you want more.

Sorry this is a bit of a ramble.

Feeling a bit worried might alarm you with my post, but wish I had known about big clots then wouldn't have panicked so much, so hope this has helped rather than made things worse.

Sending you lots of hugs and support x

barbie1 Wed 10-Sep-08 21:14:30

your honesty is much appreciated, it will be easier to cope if i know these things are normal..i kind of suspected it would be a bit like that, however im sure when it happens it will still come as a complete shock. I have had a nice bath and now im going to watch rubbish tv as suggested...i will keep you posted, i cant thank you all enough for your kind words, there are nice people out there! thankyou, your kindness is overwelming me so im off to wipe my tears xxx

AnnieLaurie Wed 10-Sep-08 21:23:57

Yes, crap tv is the way forward! Anything to distract you and not think about it for now.

You will be fine, hang in there!

charlie1000 Wed 10-Sep-08 22:04:51

Hello barbie1 I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I have also just suffered miscarriage last week at 6weeks, however mine was slightly different to yours. I started having bleeding which was when I first knew something was wrong but I can honestly say that although I wasn't as far along as you, physically it wasn't as bad as I expected. Everyone's story is different I know, but although the bleeding was heavy, it certainly wasn't 'flooding' which is what I expected to have. Yes there were some clots and tissue, but I couldn't detect an embryo, although I'm pretty certain there was a sac (very small) and there was very little pain, no more than period like cramps.

Now I'm sure I was lucky to have gotten away with it so lightly, and probably you will be slightly heavier as you're further along but try not to worry yourself, you'll know when it's happening and if you don't feel like you're coping with the cramps, contact your doctor/hospital to get their advice, I'm sure they will be able to help you. I was also told to go on the miscarriage association site which is very helpful, I think they have a no. you can call if you are uncertain about anything. I'll see if I can find it for you.

Most of all, you'll probably find it'll take longer emotionally to put it behind you so give yourself plenty of time to get past this. Talk to people and find support on here, I found that a huge help, and if in doubt ask loads of questions. Don't feel pressured into moving on before you're ready, it'll take time.

charlie1000 Wed 10-Sep-08 22:08:58

01924 200799

This is the number for the miscarriage association. Any problems or questions you may have, give them a call.

barbie1 Thu 11-Sep-08 17:32:14

thankyou charlie1000, today i have been painting one of the bedrooms..it stops me thinking about what is going to happen but at the same time gives me time with myself to sort things out in my head. The bleeding has started, only is still a fairly small amount and only brown in colour not red, i have been feel a few niggles too, so i only hope that things are progressing and this time tomorrow after another tablet things will be over and i can grieve....i hope all of you are ok today and that things are finally looking up for you, i think we all deserve it!

catsmother Thu 11-Sep-08 22:38:26

Barbie, I'm so sorry.

I miscarried last night at 7 weeks. I'd been passing light amounts of dark brown blood since Sunday (which midwife reassured me wasn't "necessarily anything to worry about") but then this turned to red blood yesterday and I passed a piece of tissue about 2 inches long which was red, grey & purple ..... nothing like a baby. or "embryo" ..... but which doctor at hospital today suggested may have been "part of the placenta" (which kind of makes sense as it's smooth one side, "rougher" the other ..... yet this begs the question, "where is the rest of it ? I have also had several small dark red/black clots as well as fresh red blood and haven't seen anything else (yet).

I am hoping to be scanned tomorrow to check what, if anything, is left, but I know in my heart it's "gone". (Went to hospital on advice of midwife 1st thing but couldn't believe that they stopped scanning apparently at midday and couldn't fit me in !)

This is my 2nd miscarriage ...... previously at 9 weeks I had no noticeable pieces of tissue but much heavier blood loss - gushing - and it's possible it could have been flushed away without me noticing. I do remember passing something pink the size of a small bean (saw it in the loo) and now torture myself about what, exactly, that was. You know what I'm thinking probably. As someone else said, it's hard to steel yourself to flushing "it" away when "it" is the last thing you have been thinking of your baby as ...... but somehow having a miscarriage, and seeing the physical products of that reduces the baby to an "it" ..... literally ..... though not in your heart of course, which is what makes the whole thing so difficult.

Every woman is different so my experience won't necessarily be your experience. My 1st hurt a lot, and I had pain for quite some days. This time, apart from brief cramps last night, I have just had a dull ache but no real pain. Last time I bled for about 3 weeks in total ..... this time, who knows ?

Sorry if I have been too graphic.

barbie1 Sat 13-Sep-08 18:22:52

im finally home now after 24 hours in hospital, not a nice experience by any means. I have had a full course of tablets every 3 hours over the last 24 hours and still nothing, i have been sent home hoping that 'things will happen' and i have to go back in on monday to for a scan to see if anything has gone. I had a reaction to my first four tablet inserted vaginally (sorry for tmi!) i couldnt stop shaking and had to have a drip and oxygen, then i had to the poorly tummy if you know what i mean...i was scared everytime i had to go to the toilet, i was terrible as i was meant to go into a toilet bowl and give it to the nurse to sort through, i didnt most of the time, but as i wasnt bleeding i know i didnt miss anything. So im back to waiting, i m so tired and fragile im thinking the op would of been better but im so scared of the G.A so im hoping that it will pass soon. Oh and to top everything off on the ward were brand new babies, who i keep seeing and hearing, a tad insensitive i feel? sorry catmother for your loss, how are you now? so to ask but when was your other miscarriage, i only ask because when do you try again??

catsmother Sat 13-Sep-08 18:40:29

Hi Barbie ..... my previous m/c was actually nearly 7 years ago. I then conceived my daughter a year later.

Do take care of yourself while you're waiting .... I know what you mean about fearing the loo, any woman who's miscarried does.

I agree that a lot of the time there's insensitivity shown by having women who are miscarrying near pregnant women. I thought it was bad enough when I was waiting in a room full of them for my scan, but you know, that was minutes .... not overnight like you. You think, surely they could have found somewhere else for you to sleep - like a gynae ward perhaps. Similarly, I'd have rather been scanned in the general scan department (full of people with gallstones etc) rather than the ante-natal ward.

You hear about this insensitivity time and again ..... so many 1000s of women have been affected and it would so easy to take a few simple steps to avoid it.

Re; trying again ...... unless advised otherwise by a doctor I think the usual thing is whenever you want after you've had 1 normal period (for dating).

I hope things happen for you soon ..... the waiting is the worst thing onceyou know it's inevitable.

cloudydaze Sat 13-Sep-08 18:42:04

I'm so sorry for you both barbie & catsmother.
Barbie, I opted for the medical route when I had a missed miscarriage (rather than a D&C) because for me the D&C just sounded too invasive. My hospital (C&W in London) treated me differently to yours though, I was given the tablet & then 24hrs later had to go in, was admitted, and then given a pessary. That kicked in quite quickly, to be totally honest it was quite painful (like really bad period pain) but as I was in the hospital they gave me drugs (from memory I think I opted for morphine). I had to bleed into a bowl (sorry if TMI) & a nurse would come & check it. Thankfully they were able to put me into my own room & I was discharged at the end of the day. Also I was admitted to a female ward but for gyne issues rather than the labour/maternity wards which are on the other side of the hospital. That's horrible that you were on the same ward as the new babies, last thing you need.
I do remember the bleeding being rather heavy.
On a more positive note only 4 months after the miscarriage (& I had originally been told I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally which I had) I conceived again, that was our DS1 who is now 2.5. We went on to have DS2 late last year.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss

TheBlonde Sun 14-Sep-08 10:09:42

barbie1 - sorry you are having an awful time. That is terrible being in a ward with babies

Re trying again. Docs told me that they advise waiting for you next period first but there is no medical reason for this

harro39 Sun 14-Sep-08 11:53:40

Barbie1 - hope you are ok and things are not too difficult. I went for 10 week scan on Thursday and they could only find embryo measuring 5 weeks, I knew I should be 10 weeks but they still put too early to tell on my notes and sent me away for 2 weeks as they have guidelines that you can't say not viable under 6mm. After slightly recovering from the total shock I phoned back the hospital and spoke to nurse from early pregnancy unit who was wonderful and actually gave me some information. I am now booked in for d&c on Tue.

I feel angry that if I had listened to them I would still be sat in this total limbo for another 2 weeks.
Miscarriage is horrendous but I think this type is even more as you are totally unaware it is going to happen.
I hope that you are ok and hopefully it doesn't go on for much longer. from reading up they say you should wait for 1 period before trying again but that you can be fertile straight away.
Take care, thinking of you

barbie1 Sun 14-Sep-08 15:05:47

harro39 im so sorry for you, as for me im still sat here waiting, im having a small amount of discharge but still more brown in colour rather than red and still not nearly enough to end this nightmare, im back for a scan tomorrow but i know it will be another stay in hospital unless it happens before then, has anyone had a miscarriage on their first pregnancy?

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