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Still trying to make sense of it- did anyone else have any of this?

(2 Posts)
wook Mon 08-Sep-08 18:26:01

Hi, the grief of my miscarriage is lessening but i find I have nagging questions that won't go away- does anyone know any answers to them or did anyone experience the same things?
About 7 days after conceiving I had really bad sickness and runs for about 24 hours with no discernable cause- was this something to do with my body and the pregnancy implanting and maybe my body just knowing it was wrong??

Between 6 and 7 weeks I was very ill with a throat infection and spent a day in bed before having to go on a school camping trip for three days which I then followed up with a festival for a weekend - how stupid was this exactly?! The midwife I called said it was ok and that I should just 'live life' but is camping bad? Is tiredness bad? Could the throat virus have caused problems? Can being ill like this cause a miscarriage?

When I went for the scan the sonographer said that the sac was misshapen and that maybe there had been a blood clot next to it or maybe it had just never formed properly- what does this mean? Why wouldn't it have formed properly? If it was a blood clot then would I be best off taking aspirin next time?

At the first scan the sonographer said that although the pregnancy was small for dates (7.5 wks, not 9) there was a heartbeat though there was 'some debris' in the sac- does anyone know what this means? The next day there was no heartbeat so what sort of miscarriage did I have- missed or blighted ovum?

Sorry to overload with questions, it's just that they are really nagging at me now, I know I should ask the doctor, but just wondered if anyone had had similar or knew anything that could cast a bit of light on this? Thanks!

squilly Mon 08-Sep-08 20:47:58

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is a nightmare you can't envision until it happens to you.

It happened to me 3 (possibly 4) times before my daughter was born and I never found out why. The treatment they gave me at the recurrent miscarriage clinic subsequently was later dismissed as less than useless, so why did the pregnancy work that time? Who knows?? I went on to miscarry again a 5th time before giving up on it all.

I know that you want answers, but unfortunately, with miscarriage, there often aren't any. Though people may prove me wrong by giving answers to some of your specific questions.

I just wanted to say one thing. Stop blaming yourself or trying to figure what you could have done to prevent this. NOTHING you could have done would have made any difference to what happened. You could have lain in bed from conception til now and the same thing might have happened. If you try to analyse this too much it will destroy you.

I hope you find some answers on this board, but most of all, I hope you take away the knowledge that this is not something you could have controlled.

We all ask ourselves these kind of questions as we go through the process of grieving but at some point you have to accept...even modern medicine can't give you all the answers. I hope you manage to find some peace....

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