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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Missed miscarriage

27 replies

Liney15 · 30/08/2008 15:49

Had it confirmed on Tuesday that my preganancy should have miscarried (as I was 9 weeks along and it measured only 7 weeks with no heartbeat) and had a chemical miscarriage in hospital on Thursday. Feeling totally depressed today. I didn't know what to expect with the miscarriage and found it totally traumatic - physically so much worse than I imagined.

It was my first pregnancy and now can't stop crying. I'm 34 and everyone keeps saying i'll get pregnant again but it took us 18 months of trying to get this far.

OP posts:

Report

Carnival · 30/08/2008 15:56

Liney, similar story for me first time around. I was like a zombie afterwards. I was torn between telling people and upsetting them and getting the support that I really needed.

My thoughts are with you.

BumpVLump · 30/08/2008 16:00

Hi Liney,
So sorry to hear your news.
I had a missed miscarriage two months ago (also my first after a year of trying)...
and its still pretty raw to be honest.
Nothing prepares you for the emotion and that is, in my opinion, worse than anything.
All I can say is that it will get better in time.
Let yourself cry. Cry lots and feel crap- your body has been through a lot. Hormones make everything so much worse...
Have hope: It should happen again, it just wasn't meant to be this time...

Sending you good thoughts XX

ANTagony · 30/08/2008 16:02

You have just been through a major ordeal both physically and emotionally and your body will still be raging with hormones. You need time to grieve and readjust after whats just happened.

Crying is no bad thing better to try and deal with the emotion and as best you can work through this.

None of us know whats round the corner so if you can don't stress about that right now you have enough to work through.

My best wishes are with you.

DrNortherner · 30/08/2008 16:07

Hi Liney15, so sorry to hear your news. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, and like others on here ahve said the emotions take you completley by suprise. You have gon e through a pretty traumatic experience, you will feel like crap for a while and you deserve to be looked after.

TRy the miscarriage ass for kind words and advice. It takes a while to get over it but you will.

Look after yourself

Liney15 · 30/08/2008 16:13

Thanks for your messages - really appreciate them. I'll be thinking of you guys as well...

I know me and hubby will get through this eventually - its just hard when we were both getting excited about it (after our initial reaction of total shock).

OP posts:

BumpVLump · 30/08/2008 16:24

Of course you were excited, it was what you hoped would happen... and the dissapointment is just awful.
I still find it hard to look at pregnant women, then feel guilty about feeling jelous.
Seroiusly, let youself cry. It really helps.

maz32 · 30/08/2008 19:24

i am waiting for another scan on monday, i had a scan 2 weeks ago and i was 7 weeks but there was a sac but no heartbeat no one would make a decision but we knew we were defo 7 weeks and there should have been something other than a sac. but the hopsital have insisted we wait and go back, it has been the worst two weeks of our lifes, so knid of kow how u feel, cos i have a major desire to be pregnant now. no one seems to understand that saying it has happened for a reason does not help!!!take care xxxxxxxx

maz32 · 30/08/2008 19:25

oh and i 4got to say in the last 2 weeks while waiting crying and being confused and mixed u everywhere i look everyone seems to be pregnant and of corse they arent but it is horrible xxx

Carnival · 30/08/2008 19:45

Aw, Maz

They do seem to crawl out of the woodwork, don't they?

I can't imagine how you feel. If nothing else, at least I didn't have to wait.

I hope you guys are ok.

wook · 30/08/2008 21:41

So sorry to hear you are experiencing this. I don't think anything helps really, but the miscarriage association website (as mentioned before) is very good- practical and useful and very sympathetic in tone.
It's been four weeks for me now and I feel a little better, the raw feeling is gone at least and I am looking to the future with more hope.
Don't let anyone diminish what you've experienced... all this 'it's nature's way stuff' is true, and sympathetically meant, but I don't think the people who say it really understand that it's not an especially helpful thing to hear!!

Liney15 · 31/08/2008 17:24

Maz, I know excatly what your going through as it was the same for us. I had early bleeding and went for a scan at approx 7 weeks and then for that final scan. Waiting for that final scan is dreadful especially when you know its not going to be good news.

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maz32 · 31/08/2008 18:36

liney wot did they say to u? was urs not gud news? wot has happened since? sorry to be noseyxx

maz32 · 31/08/2008 18:48

soz liney i have read ur thread!!im just having a thick moment with all my trauma!!so sorry for your loss, and i can honestly say i know what ur experiencing although i dont even know how i feel at the moment!!as u can probably tell from my thick thread asking abou u!sorry again keep in touch if u can would love to hear how ur doing xxxxxxxxxx

time4tea · 31/08/2008 18:57

Liney and Maz

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your babies. It is such a blow. I was numb and shocked when it happened to me - but was really saved by MN threads, gardening, and support of friends who had also been through it. But MN people were there all the time, and were amazing.

maybe you aren't in a place where it helps to hear from someone who has been through it all and out the other end, but one thing that helped me was hearing from another (RL) mum who had been through the same thing, after I had a missed mc. She said that actually hormone levels after a miscarriage help with conceiving again, she also recommended a very helpful book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. Using both these bits of information, I conceived again quickly and now have a lovely 18month old, and an older boy aged 4. If you can face trying again in the coming months, then this might help you too. It is information I always pass on to friends who have lost a baby.

I'll always be sad about the baby I lost though, and even walking past the EPAU when we took our baby home was hard.

but I wanted to say, that good things can happen, try to hold on to that in these bleak times for you

hoping that this message isn't tactless for you at this terrible time

time4tea · 31/08/2008 18:59

and good luck to you both

Habbibu · 31/08/2008 19:06

Hi Liney and maz. Just wanted to send you my sympathy - it is an awful thing to go through. It does get better, I promise - you'll never forget your precious first babies, but there will be brighter days ahead.

maz32 · 31/08/2008 21:57

thanx 4 ur message t4t i is so nice to hear other peoples experiences, and yes it sounds weird but i cant wait to try again! and i know my hormone levels r high cos i did a test yest just to see if my levels are staring to drop as still have preg symptoms and its still reading positive although i know im not!! how long did it take for ur levels to drop and if u dont mind me asking how long did u leave it b4 u tried to conceive. I have spent the last 2 weeks being gutted, devastated and not knowing how I feel but today i just want tomorrows scan over and to try again ,like you say i will never 4get this baby and i dont want to xxxxxxxx

Liney15 · 01/09/2008 12:40

Cheers for the messages everyone - they really help at a very bad time.

I can't wait to try again now either.

People keep saying that you have far more chance of getting pregnant again with all the hormones whizzing around. My Sister in law has told me thats what happened to her - she lost one and without another period she was pregnant again with a little boy. Now been out and bought one of those fertility kits - it might help! I'm not surewhen the best to try is - but I defintely want to try again. This pregnancy has helped decide us that we want children.

OP posts:

Liney15 · 01/09/2008 12:46

Maz - if you decide to go for the chemical miscarriage please don't do what I did and go in unprepared for it. I naively thought it would be like a heavy period but it wasn't. I didn't ask the questions - in a state of shock at the time. The miscarriage association would be good at advising you as I have spoken to them this morning and I wish I'd spoken to them a lot earlier.

OP posts:

calsworld · 01/09/2008 13:07

Hi Liney, I had a spontaneous miscarriage on Thursday morning, I too am still reeling from the shock of the physical process. I'm so glad that NHS Direct talked me into going to A&E when they did to get pain relief as I would have needed an ambulance had I waited any longer .

Naturally, I'm immensely disappointed that it hasn't been a successful pregancy and am very, very fortunate to have my DS for comfort. But this disappointment is nothing compared to the trauma of my (brief) time in hospital.

I'm still experiencing pains today, although these are more like the period pains I was told to expect at the outset and are managable.

My heart goes out to you at this difficult time, clearly I don't know what you went through and don't know if it helps to know someone else has been through a difficult time, I hope you don't mind that it helps me - although I don't wish it on anyone of course.

I'm not explaining myself very well, my heads a bit all over the place.

WRT trying again, I've been told to go to my doctor's in 2 weeks time to have a blood test to make sure my HCG levels have dropped and to wait for one period, but this is only for timing purposes, nothing else.

I'm not sure if my DH wants to try again, mostly coz he doesn't want me to go through this again - I guess we'll be doing more talking about it soon.

Maz, if you have pain, ask for relief, that is the most important thing, don't suffer or feel you have to - its not helpful in any way. However, I hope that your worst fears are not confirmed and that your timing is wrong and that you will have some good news, I hope this with all my heart.

maz32 · 01/09/2008 15:05

hi everyone not gud news we knew really, but there is nothing left so i dont need chemical help or d and c. just feel numb xxxxxxx

calsworld · 01/09/2008 15:57

Maz, I'm so very sorry for you, I know there's not much I can say, but please know that you're not on your own - I'm lurking if you want to talk at all. Hope your DH/DP is with you and can give you some comfort.

Give yourself plenty of time won't you.. x

Carnival · 01/09/2008 16:12

Liney/Maz, in terms of timing, I started trying in the Jan, having lost my baby in the previous Sept. I was advised by the Consultant to wait a few months and tbh I needed a few months to get over it. I got pg again quickly and had DD in Dec. I hope you both get pg soon, but do give yourself a little time to recover.

markh · 05/09/2008 22:29

Hi everyone,i was told that i had a missed mscarriage at 6 weeks this monday and was given the option of having medication or leaving it happen naturally. I have decided to let it happen naturally but i am scared now.I had some pain on monday evening andsome bleeding on and off since then. Still waiting for it to happen. I have been offwork on tues,wed.Has anyone left it to happen naturally? And do i need to rest before the actuall miscarriage?

thanks,

BumpVLump · 05/09/2008 23:18

Hi markh,
Sorry to hear your news.
I didn't leave mine to happen naturally, so don't have any advise on that part really.
I would say though, although you don't have to rest, I would advise you take it easy as much as you can. Your body is still wizzing with emotion and the waiting does take a toll on your energy levels.
I wish you all the best
xx

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