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I should be giving birth next week.....

(14 Posts)
balanomorey Sat 16-Aug-08 10:30:40

I had a mc in Jan at about 10 weeks. The baby would have been due on the 25th sad. After the initial emotional trauma of it all, I've picked myself up and got on with it. But this week, i've found myself thinking about my loss as the birth date draws near and I feel so sad.

Partly what's making it worse is that I feel I'll never have another baby (am blessed with a dd who is 3, but would like another to complete my family). Was convinced last week I was pg, but then my period came sad. I'm 39 and just feel a) it will never happen b)I'm getting too old c) if it does happen, it'll probably end up going wrong again. I know this totally smacks of self pity and pessimism, but this is how I feel.

Don't know why I've posted this really, as I know no-one can magic me up a baby, guess I just wanted to get it off my chest - dh is great, but he never knows what to say when I get down as he is not and emotionally charged person and just accepts and gets on with things. Sure I will feel better after the 25th, I guess. Thanks for listening. x.

pookamoo Sat 16-Aug-08 10:43:01

So sorry for your loss sad
Didn't want your post to go unanswered, although I can only imagine what you must be going through.
I hope it all works out for you eventually!

elkiedee Sat 16-Aug-08 10:52:18

Sorry to hear of your loss. I met someone last year who had several miscarriages after her first ds at 37, but has had a dd at 41 and another ds 17 months later.

There is a thread for people ttc after miscarriage and another for 35+ ttc. I hope talkinga bout it might help you deal with the emotional side of things.

balanomorey Sat 16-Aug-08 18:48:26

Thanks pookamoo & elkiedee for your posts. Am feeling a little better now - have been thinking that at least I have been blessed with one dd and if that's my lot, then so be it. Have read posts from ladies who have mc'd and have no children, so feel I am lucky to have such a beautiful, spirited child whom I love so much. What will be, will be. x.

LackaDAISYcal Sat 16-Aug-08 18:59:05

sorry to hear of your loss balanomorey sad

I've had two mcs and the due dates always hit me hard. But, I had DD last year when I was 38 and am pregnant again and will deliver 3 months before my 40th birthday.

And no, not self pity and pessimism, just a natural part of the grieving process and wondering about the future.

The MC avengers support thread is very helpful on the ttc boards.

In the meantime, perhaps doing something to remember your lost baby would help. We planted some passion flowers in the garden and it is very comforting to see them flourish.

Good Luck for the future smile

SUSIEHAS Sun 17-Aug-08 15:38:43

Hi I wud be due next week too, had another miscarriage last month and have no children!!!! I know next week will be hard but will have to stay positive and think 3rd time lucky!!
Good luck to u!!

BlueCornflower Mon 18-Aug-08 17:40:55

Dear Balanomorey,

Really feel for you as I am in the same place as you. I posted about this a few weeks ago. Here

Now the due date has passed, I feel 'better' but I have deliberately been keeping really busy this summer and we don't have a free day. I don't want space to think about it all too much! My DD starts school in Sept and I had always hoped I would have another before this big event. I too am 39 and am not sure it will ever happen, especially as my DH is really not keen at all on another one, especially with the economic climate.

Just wanted you to know I understand!

balanomorey Wed 20-Aug-08 22:15:10

Thanks to all ladies for your posts....& big hugs to all in the same boat. Am feeling a little better than I was at the beginning of the week. As the due date has approached, I have re-visited what happened after burying it, and have once again, come to terms with it. It just wasn't meant to be. Maybe there will be a next time, best to stay optimistic and see. smile

To all of you who have mc'd - keep trying, I have everything crossed for you all. Susiehas - your post touched me so much. I hope with all my heart you get your baby - stay positive!


Habbibu Wed 20-Aug-08 22:19:58

So sorry, balanomorey. I'm grumpy as I should be going on mat leave now, but have to watch work colleague going off "instead", if you know what I mean. From experience with dd1, getting to due date is v. hard, but after that it's easier as you no longer thing you "should" be pregnant. Here's hoping, anyway.

sweetkitty Wed 20-Aug-08 22:23:59

So so sorry to hear of your loss, this time last year I was going through a mc so have been thinking about things myself recently.

Coming up to the due date for me too was hard even though I was blessed with being pregnant again soon after the mc.

I know look at DD3 my miracle baby who shouldn't have really been here and she's extra special to me, but theres still a special place in my heart for the little person who isn't with us.

I hope this time next year you have a little miracle in your arms too.

lastboxoftampons Thu 21-Aug-08 17:50:34

I'm right there with all of you ladies, although I don't have any children sad. My due date would've been the end of September and I'm already getting emotional about it. Both my brother's wife and my husband's brother's wife are pregnant and due within weeks of our EDD. When it happened I said October was going to be difficult and my husband and my mother both said - don't worry, you'll be pregnant again and huge by that time. I'm not either sad

I'm incredibly sad and I feel like it's all so unattainable. I'm happy for others when they get their BFPs, but I just don't understand why it seems so elusive. I really shouldnt' complain as I did get pregnant straightaway, and it's only been 6 months since, but I just can't even picture it any more.

I just wanted you all to know that you're not alone. {{hugs}}

balanomorey Thu 21-Aug-08 19:17:09

It's so sad that nature puts us all through this. sad - I am a firm believer tho that these pregancies were never fated to be because of something that happened to them after conception - not our fault, but hard to deal with anyway. Up til now, that has got me through and I guess what I'm feeling this week is the 'should have beens' - Monday will be hard, but I'm ready for it. sad. I think Habbiblu, i will feel like you, once Monday has passed, I will no longer be thinking I should be pg and I'm sure the pain will ebb again. It has been good (in a way)to revisit what's happened and I really feel that after Mon, I can get on again.

I have renewed optimism, and will keep trying to see what happens - stuff my age, women give birth with no troubles well into their 40's so will just have to keep everything crossed.

As with Susiehas, lastbox, I so hope you get your baby - stay positive and don't give up. 75% of my friends mc'd before going on to concieve healthy babies smile. Good luck to you all. x.

Lisasobusy Thu 28-Aug-08 20:55:03

What you are feeling is so normal and you are right to remember the day that your baby was due....The 25th August is a special day for me as my beloved second wee boy was born on this date and has just celebrated his 3rd birthday...his big brother's birthday is the day after on the 26th. Reading all these messages makes me realise how lucky I am to have my 2 boys. I used to think I would never have them as my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and my first baby would have been due on the 26th November. This was 9 years ago and I always feel sad on this date and wonder what the baby would have been like....This date will stay in my heart forever, just like your date....Hope this helps you x

Fimbo Thu 28-Aug-08 20:57:27

My mum miscarried for 10 years before giving birth to me, that was 40 years ago.

I wish you luck.

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