Dear Elijah, Im sorry this is late. I had every intention to write on Wednesday, but just couldnt do it.
I didnt want this time to go by without you knowing that I am thinking about you. Thinking about how you would have looked, what you would have smelled like. What colour your eyes and hair would have been. And whether you look like me or daddy.
I imagine cradling you in my arms, holding you close to me. Feeling your tiny breath and watching you as you sleep.
All things that werent meant for me to see.
Your light was never meant to shine on this earth but heaven instead has that blessing. And I know that one day I will meet you face to face and hold you and look upon you. And it will be so good, I will savour every piece of you just like a mummy looks at their child, with astounding love.
I miss not having you in my arms, and I will never forget you. You will always be my baby boy.
I am sorry that I never had the chance to be your mummy, but I will always love you just as I had, And my heart will always hold a special place for you.
Love you forever,
Elijah- due date 30th july 2008- died at 7 weeks /missed miscarriage at 12 weeks.
I know what you mean, when my due date came around I wanted to mark it. To this day I still have the white roses that my Dad sent me while in Iraq, does not seem right just throwing them away. Hope the day has not been too painful for you?
Have been really busy this week with dh's beach mission, so have managed to occupy myself for the most part. But the quiet times are the hard ones. I didn't realise the run up to this week would be so hard, had been coping quite well beforehand.
Desperate- I am sorry that you had to go through this too- My mum gave me some pink roses on wednesday, I will keep them too.
Natalie- Yes I have been thinking about you too, How are you?
Trying to find the middle ground between keeping busy and not giving yourself time to think it all through (which I believe is a major part of the grieving process) is extremely difficult.
I have thrown everything into this pregnancy, transfered too many 'what if's?' and spent most of it worrying about everything and nothing. I have another 5 weeks before I am facing the due date from the MC, at the moment not too wobbly, and I hope that having this pregnancy to deal with will help.
Will you do anything with your DH to mark the day?
Not sure if you will see this as it's a few days later but I've been avoiding MN for a few days. Thanks for your comments to me a few weeks ago.
My baby was due 28th July 08; missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. Died around 10 weeks.
Found your letter deeply moving. Everything that you wrote I have been thinking this week (or trying not to think). But I do know too that I will one day see my baby face to face and know him or her in fullness. Feel a real craving this week to hold my little baby...