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Should we have waited?

(10 Posts)
Joy27 Sun 27-Jul-08 20:29:51

I had a miscarriage at 3-4 weeks which ended a week ago (some ladies here will know as they supported me through).

My GP said there were no rules as to when to try again; the doc at the hospital also said that we can try when we feel ready.

Well, we do feel more than ready than ever, and we haven't used contraception this week. But when I went back to the hosp for a blood test on Friday, to check my HCG levels, the nurse said we should have waited until I'd had a period. When I told her we'd already had unprotected sex twice this week, she looked very disapproving and stressed that we needed to wait.

I asked whether, if we'd conceived this week, there would be any added risks to me or to the pregnancy, and she was very vague. Essentially it seemed she was saying that it's just easier to date the pregnanct if you wait, but wouldn't be pressed on any health risks.

I feel like I keep getting this whole business wrong: not knowing I was pg, having a miscarriage, and now ttc too soon. And this is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world!

And I'm worried that if I am pregnant again, I've done something to jeopardise it by conceiving so soon after mc.

I'm also confused at the conflicting info I'm getting.

Any words of advice?

NB I passed the "main" part of the mc miscarriage on Tues 15th Jul. The mc ended last Sat 19th.

kittywise Sun 27-Jul-08 20:33:07

There are no rules.
As the nurse you spoke to said, waiting just makes it easier to date a pg that's the only reason.
If you feel ready then go for it.
Remember to look after yourself, keep strong and healthy and you'll be fine, good luck!

whomovedmychocolate Sun 27-Jul-08 20:34:53

Ah bollocks - why wait. I conceived DD (ten days old) three weeks after I miscarried. There are no rules. It makes it easier for the doctors to date a pregnancy if you've left a full month between but that's the only good reason unless it's a late miscarriage (in which case the cervix may remain open a few weeks and make infection likely if you have sex). Good luck to you, you've been through the bad, now it's time for the good

RuthT Sun 27-Jul-08 20:41:21

Same as whomovedmychocolate I concieved 3 weeks after miscarriage and carried to full term.

She was vague because she doesn't know which means there must be no compelling reason for you.

Joy27 Sun 27-Jul-08 20:49:22

Yay!
Thanks for the very encouraging words.
"Ah bollocks- why wait". I think that might be my motto in life from now on!
One thing I will say about having a miscarriage is that it's made the prospect of having our first baby so real, and we're really focused and excited now- touch wood of course. Before, we didn't discuss ttc much and were still rather scared and in denial about the whole thing.
Now I can't wait til we're parents, and I genuinely think that the mc made me grow up a lot in the space of a week, which I think could make me a better mum.
Am rambling now. Thanks again.

whomovedmychocolate Sun 27-Jul-08 20:58:00

Good for you. If it helps. I had a miscarriage the month before I conceived both of our children. It's very, very common and means bog all to your overall chances of having a healthy baby - in fact it proves your body knows to let the ones who won't make it, go early, which from a health point of view is better - a miscarriage before eight weeks is a lot easier to deal with than at say 20 weeks, although it's never a good experience.

If you feel ready, that's the test passed. Sod the silly nurse and her pregnancy maths troubles! wink

lucykate Sun 27-Jul-08 21:02:10

i'm another one who would agree with the why wait philosophy. before the invention of home pg testing kits, may women would have had an early m/c and not even known they were pg in the first place. sometimes it's a case of too much knowledge, i'd leave it in the hands of nature.

i've had 2 m/c's and didn't wait after either to try again.

Spidermama Sun 27-Jul-08 21:03:10

After my first MC I had one period then was pg again. I simply couldn't wait.

After my first miscarriage last week I was posting all over the place on here saying that my boyf wanted to start straight away and I wasnt sure (because if you havent read my post, I gave birth to my tiny dead baby of 11 weeks into a jug at home) I could go through anything like that again.

Well after speaking to my doctor when I went he said that what happened in my case was not very common and that I was likely to go on and have another (because I have to very healthy boys 6 and 4) full term pregnancy with no problems at all. So we have decided to try straight away and if I am pregnant withing the first few weeks all the better because it will mean that I have to have a dating scan and that will reasure me that everything is ok this time at the same time.

xx

ScaryHairy Mon 28-Jul-08 15:55:21

Hi Joy

I'm glad you're looking forward again.

To add to what the others have said, I have read so many stories of women getting pregnant on the first cycle after a pregnancy loss that I have concluded that their bodies must really really want to be pregnant. And if they are able to conceive, well, their bodies must be ready (plus, surely it must be the best way to get over a loss?). That is why I (chem preg last month) am really hoping for a result in the next few weeks!

Good luck.

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