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How has anyone coped with seeing other pregnant women or families with new babies??

(15 Posts)

Went out for just half an hour the other day with mum after my miscarriage on Friday, and honestly every other person that walked past me was either pregnant or had a new baby.

One of my best friends is 30+ weeks pregnant too and we also work together so I see her everyday and dont know how I am going to cope with that really. I hadnt told her that I was pregnant but my mum (because she works with us too) told her on Friday as it was happening and she is gutted for me but also feeling guilty that she is pregnant.

BellaBear Mon 21-Jul-08 07:03:06

I'm so sorry for you, mc is horrible.

One very good piece of advice I was given after my mc is that there aren't a forecast number of babies that are going to be born - what I mean is, someone else having a baby does not mean you won't. If someone else gets a positive test result that doesn't mean that they have 'used up' a chance. Does that make sense? It helped me feel happier for other people when I really really felt down.

Also, take some time for yourself and grieve properly. I thought I had, went back to work and it all got too much about a month or so later.

Oh, also, after my mc and before I got pg again, I made a baby blanket for my good friend who was pg. I think I did it to show her I was okay with her being pg iyswim.

kittywise Mon 21-Jul-08 07:03:49

Poor you it is hard I know, but you get on with it, you don't have a choice. it will get much easier as time goes on. Good luck with future babies!

sunnytimes Mon 21-Jul-08 07:14:25

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tryingnottoobsess Mon 21-Jul-08 10:42:14

Hi,

Really sorry to hear about your recent loss, you must be feeling really raw. One useful piece of advice I found on a miscarriage website (can't remember which, sorry) was to realise that it is normal to feel this way, and not beat yourself up for the horrible feelings of jealousy, anger etc.

I felt terribly guilty about my mixed feelings towards pregnant friends. I was happy for them on one level... but, well there were lots of 'buts'... Those feeings have faded (though not gone away completely, unfortunately). Right now, I hope you can treat yourself gently, and I wish you well.

BrightSideOfLife Mon 21-Jul-08 16:01:57

wickedwitch,

I am sorry you had to go through a mc and know how emotionally raw and overwhelmed you must feel right now. I am so sorry for your loss.

My closest friend was pregnant too and is due a week after our baby would have been born. I will be honest - it hasn't been easy. Like tryingnottoobsess, there are alot of 'buts'...I am happy for her but I have good days and bad days.

I found two pieces of advice really useful -

1. That sometimes falling apart is the best way of coping. I tried so hard to be strong in the beginning but ended up falling apart about a month later. There is nothing wrong with feeling awful and having some time to grieve. You don't need to be strong. If you can't cope - that is fine...take the time you need.

2. Like Sunnytimes said - I remind myself that behind many 'glowing pregnant' strangers or happy families with babies ...are stories of heartache and loss similair to ours. I remind myself that I will keep on ttc because this was just one hiccup on that journey to becoming a glowing pregnant stranger myself.

Good luck as you recover physically and emotionally.

napa Mon 21-Jul-08 19:27:38

i had mmc and erpc in april. my best friend is pg and due 2 weeks before i should have been. i am a midwife and supposed to be looking after her as i did with her first baby. i have good days and bad, today i nearly started crying in the middle of the ward and sometimes feel fine (offered her the baby clothes we had from dd and no longer have need for) but then when it came time to sort through them i just felt rubbish!!! i have told her that i'll see how i feel in october and can't guarantee i'll be there, but she's not making it easier.

Napa how is she not making it easier for you??

I really dont know what I am going to do when I get back to work. Saw a couple on the bus today and they had just been and bought the pushchair I had my eye on and was saving up for... that set me back on what I was starting to think was a good day.

I'm sure it must get easier, I just hope that it does before my friend has her bady in October.

xx

Habbibu Mon 21-Jul-08 20:01:41

Oh, you poor love. It is very very hard. My tip for work? Find the best set of toilets (I liked ones where the door was the full height of the cubicle - no gaps. Pack tissues, mascara, maybe some powder. That way, if it all gets too much you can have a big weep, then tidy yourself up - if you need to cry, then I'd go and do it - it does help. I've been through this three years ago, when dd1 died at 21 weeks - my sister and a work colleague were pregnant then, and now am in it again, as I had a molar pregnancy in April (can't ttc again until Christmas at least). Work colleague and 2 friends are pregnant and it feels very cruel indeed. I'm comforted by having got through this before (and by having dd2 in between!) - still cry in the toilets when I need to. Also I booked time off when people were going on mat leave - esp. as the first time friend was going off on dd1's due date! It will get easier - you'll have bad times and good, but it gets better, I promise.

Habbibu Mon 21-Jul-08 20:02:20

Apologies for lack of paragraphs, btw - dd has removed the return key from laptop...

Well it happened again today and I havent even left the house. Infact I havent really left the house since the other day when I saw like loads and loads of pregnant women and families with tiny babies - I want to be one of those!!

Today was loading the dishwasher and looked out of the window thinking what a nice day and the young girl that lives with her dad over the road came out into the garden with a little baby belly.

Cried and cried for ages I did - I was absolutly gutted. Dont get me wrong I am really pleased for the people and their babies, but gutted that I am not to be one of them this time.

nandos Thu 24-Jul-08 20:00:20

wickedwitch..i dont know what to say after reading these but tears are welling in my eyes
wish i am pregnant too and it seems like im being tested everyday..

<<hugs>>

sarah293 Thu 24-Jul-08 20:03:20

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munchiesmama Thu 24-Jul-08 20:21:20

Sorry to hear u r having a down day WW, take care of yourself xx

takingitasitcomes Thu 24-Jul-08 20:31:47

I am deeply sorry you're going through this. I had no idea until it happened to me that it was so common. Although it might sound a bit callous, I actually found that really comforting. Once I started to tell a few people what had happened, they began opening up to me about their own experiences. It really helped me to talk to lots of these women I'd known for years who have MANY healthy children between them, and to realise that they had almost all had one (or sadly repeated) MCs. MC seems to be one (very hard) part of having babies.

DH and I had really bonded with our wee one when the MC happened even though it was only 11 weeks. It helped us both to be honest that we were grieving for our first child - just because we never met him/her doesn't mean that we loved them less. We were blessed enough to get pregnant three months later and we now see our healthy son as our second child, even though he'll grow up as the eldest.

I have no magic advice for dealing with pregnant people. It is excruciatingly painful, but not something to feel guilty about. Everyone who MCs feels like that too - you'd be superhuman not to.

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