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missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

(501 Posts)
dramaqueen72 Thu 13-Jan-05 09:37:25

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

Fimbo Thu 13-Jan-05 09:43:03

Sorry I have no experience of this and cant pretend to know how you feel but I didn't want you to be alone - sending you {{{{hugs}}}}xx

pinkmama Thu 13-Jan-05 09:43:30

thats awful dramaqueen. What an awful situation. Thinking of you.

dawnybabs26 Thu 13-Jan-05 09:49:07

Dear Dramaqueen72,

Big {{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}
I'm so sad to hear your news
I had a missed miscarriage last november, it was my first pregnancy and a major shock!
No one in my family or any of my friends had ever had a miscarriage so it was a very lonely and scary experience.

But at least your not alone on mumsnet.
Love to you and take care.

Dawn.

cat82 Thu 13-Jan-05 10:21:32

I'm so sorry Dramaqueen, just wanted to add some {{{hugs}}} and send you some support. It must be awful waiting like this.

I'm thinking of you
Lots of love
xxx

dramaqueen72 Thu 13-Jan-05 10:24:59

thankyou very much, i feel so alone and numb right now, dh is at work, everythings 'normal'. have to get up and get on with life even tho i am 'waiting' for this to happen. soul destroying time. why i'm sat on the net i dont know. just needed to know some people were out there i guess.

Fimbo Thu 13-Jan-05 10:32:07

Could you confide in anyone close to you?

Prettybird Thu 13-Jan-05 10:38:31

{{{{Hugs}}}}

I had a missed miscarriage a year past June. The limbo was awful I had the "failed" scan on the Monday and I managed to get my second scan on the Friday on went in on the Monday for the ERPC. I should have een 11 weeks, but the scan was only showing a 7 week size, so it had porbably happened a wee while before - although my GP best friend told me not to woory that it had been as long as 4 weeks, as the body starts to re-absorb.

The waiting was awful - coupled with the fear of not knowing what would happen if the miscarriage did decide to occur naturally. I hadn't told anyone at work that I was pregnat, and then had to tell people as I couldn't risk a long car journey to the back of beyond that I was due to go on and had to get someone to go in my place. My boss was brilliant though -really supportive.

Look after yourself. Do what feels right for you. I went for the ERPC as I couldn't stand the idea of waiting. That was right for me - but it did help to see on the second scan that the sac had shrunk still further.

{{{{Hugs}}} again.

hester Thu 13-Jan-05 10:44:39

I am so, so sorry this is happening to you, dramaqueen. I miscarried two months ago so I have some understanding of how you are feeling. It is a horrible experience. Take care; I'll be thinking of you.

dramaqueen72 Thu 13-Jan-05 11:37:25

we had to tell my inlaws as they had youngest dd during the scan. havent told anyone else i'm pg so this conversation is abit hard to start. i dont do the 'oh i'm so sorry' phone conversations well. i was kinda hoping i would start bleeding naturally today, but nothing so far, last time it didnt happen either. my body seems to hang on to these things. the limbo IS awful, its awful having to pick an option when all of them are so horrid.
this pg wasnt planned, and i had some concerns over coping but now of course i feel bad about that. my dh is being great, very concern about me, but abit 'matter of fact' about the pg. he says it easier this time as we werent trying and it wasnt planned.. but it doesnt feel quite like that to me. i had accepted this baby, and done the usual 'plan ahead' and pictured in our lives, so i DO feel i have lost a baby again.
dh has decided to tell my mother today, because she should know, but i cant seem to tell anyone. (what DO you say?) i really want ot fast forward my life and be past here.
pretty bird, thanks, i hadnt thought of the second scan like that, thats a positive way to see it.
does anyone know if having two ERPC will damage me inside? they are very vague about risks and stuff at the hospital.

iota Thu 13-Jan-05 11:43:25

I've been there too Dramaqueen - and it was my first pregnancy. I hadn't told anyone at work, so called in sick and took a week off as couldn't stop crying. I had an D&C on the day of the scan as it was obvious that things had gone wrong in there - probably about 4 weeks earlier.

It's such a horrible time for you, best wishes and lots of sympathy

iota

suzywong Thu 13-Jan-05 12:04:25

same as iota here,
it aint pleasant but you can get through it and there is no reason why you won't be pg again and to full term soon xx

Prettybird Thu 13-Jan-05 12:23:55

Iota - I could also have pushed to have a D&C striaght away as the size was within the usual protocols to allow that - but just slightly outwith the (stricter) protocols that my hospital used.

However, it did help to get the second scan - although the waiting wasn't nice - as it "proved" that it wasn't just that I had got my dates wrong. Part of you still goes on hoping against hope.....

juuule Thu 13-Jan-05 12:27:30

Absolutely dreadful time for you.
As for whether 2 ERPC will damage you. There will be the usual minor risks of surgery, but once that is done it's highly unlikely that you'll have problems related to the ERPC procedure. In my case I've had 8 m/cs (3 natural and 5 erpc), the last 2 erpc Jun04 and Oct04. The other 3 didnt cause any physical damage as I also have had 9 full-term(well overdue in fact) pregnancies.
I hope you find this encouraging because I know in the past I have worried a lot about the effects of the erpc.

Your dh is probably more upset about the m/c than he's letting on and is being strong for you, to help you.

Julie {{{hugs}}}

littleweed Thu 13-Jan-05 12:51:02

have been there too and the waiting is I think the worst part - once the ERPC is done at least that's it.be gentle with yourself and each other. thinking of you ((((HUGS)))

wild Thu 13-Jan-05 13:12:41

I am so sorry. I would have eprc as the waiting is such cr=p. Plus it can go on for ages, 5 weeks for me. I started alternating between imagining that the hospital had made a fluke mistake and worrying about what actual 'mc' would be like. It is such a shock to get this news esp without prior warning. And tho you want to be private you also want people to know why you may behave a bit 'strangely' ie a work colleague told me she was preg a short time after and I just burst into tears. Please take care of yourself. Once the mc is done you can start to deal with your loss.

dramaqueen72 Thu 13-Jan-05 14:41:39

gosh you girls are so helpful. thankyou. julie, thats is good to hear. you sound like such a good case to get up in the mornings. and everyones right, its just this looooooong week of waiting. i feel terrible right now, headache, tired etc. wishing my life away. thanks for support its meant alot

MINNIE1 Thu 13-Jan-05 15:21:03

dramaqueen72,

The waiting for one week is awful but they have to do this.. I had the same week wait and it was hell TBH.. I was in shock and scared and feeling numb, and they wanted to keep me like this i was furious... In the end i opted for the D&C although it did'nt go smothly!!! not saying your won't.. But i hope the week wait isnt to long for you and will be thinkinh of you..

Bella23 Thu 13-Jan-05 15:56:51

Drmaqueen have also posted to you on another thread. I went in for my EPRC and it went really smoothly and I feel fine today, no pain or anything. I was scanned last friday and told of missed M/C and the had op yesterday so all very quick as i couldn't face the waiting game. The idea of having to see what was coming out was not an option to me!!
Anyway sorry to hear that another person is going through the same as me - it really is shocking! I hope you find all the support you need on here. I myself am more than happy to hear your thoughts

mishi1977 Thu 13-Jan-05 16:05:14

DQ huge hugs hun
I do know how you feel i have had 3 mcs in total..the latest one being in Dec and was a missed mc i found out pip died on 16th dec and had to wait until 30th to have surgical procedure..you are right it is no choice at all but having had both my previous mcs naturally i knew i couldnt go through the heartache of seeing pip again...I know i am lucky as i have a gorgeous DS who is 15mths but it doesnt stop the pain of your loss...i know for the 2 weeks i still had pip inside i could carry on..although was upset but i felt like she was safe and none of it was really happening...as you do you cling to the hope they are wrong but 2 scans confimred they were right..i know even on the ward i was joking and messing around because i didnt want to accept what was happening...once she had gone it was horrible and still is..its only 2 weeks today since she was taken and it hurts soo much but you also have to carry on for your other little one.....sorry im babbling just to say i know and understand and I am so sorry...i am sure you will make a 'choice' thats right for you.
take care

rollingrock Thu 13-Jan-05 17:13:31

Hello dramaqueen, I'm really sorry too. I have just found out today that I have lost my baby again, my 3rd m/c in 13 months and feel totally gutted as I was so positive this one would be ok. I have one dd who was a result of my 1st prgncy which had no probs at all. She is 2 now. Since then all 3 of my babies have died at around 7,8 and 9 weeks. I would have been 11 weeks tomorrow, instead I am going into hosp for a d&c as I cannot bear to go through a natural one again - too distressing.

At least now I can see a specialist and hopefully try and find out why this keeps happening to me. It doesn't help that I am 39 and feel that time is ticking by.

It all feels so unfair especially when I saw the little baby on the scan. I feel numb too and can't stop crying. I wish it was all a bad dream and I'll wake up and everything is ok.

Thinking of you

Big {{{{{hugs}}}}}

fisil Thu 13-Jan-05 17:28:36

Hi dramaqueen, my hospital had a two week policy - you had to wait 2 weeks between your scans to confirm that it really was a mc. I found those two weeks terrible. I arranged with work that I would have the week after my ERPC off, but actually it was really the fortnight of waiting that I should have had off, as that was the worst two weeks, without doubt. I knew straight away that I wanted the ERPC and not to sit around waiting - I know I just would not have coped with actually seeing any of it - I just needed it neatly and cleanly taken away while I was under general anaesthetic! Plus, in my case it actually turned out not to be a missed miscarriage - as it was originally diagnosed. The poor little scrap was actually still growing, but was so (I don't know how to put this) "desperate" that it was less than a 1/4 of the size it should be, had no heart or any features at all. So if I'd opted to wait, I would have waited and waited (I guess until the 13 week scan) and I feel really fortunate that I didn't have to wait that long.

I found the whole appearing "jolly" and "normal" thing very difficult. I am normally really quite a calm person, but I found at work that if someone was telling me something (especially some difficulty or problem - I get a lot of it in my job), I couldn't actually hear them because the whole of the inside of my head would be screaming "F - off, f - off, you don't have a f*ing idea"

Big hugs, and look after yourself. This is a very very shitty time for you, and every time you feel crap, you thoroughly deserve to.

Bella23 Thu 13-Jan-05 18:12:04

Fisil you have so hit the nail on the head for me! When someone is telling me anything at the moment or asks if if I am ok or "had a good Christmas?" as they don't know what has happened; I just feel like screaming at them and saying "NO EVERYTHING IS NOT ALRIGHT SO F**k OFF"
Sorry sound like a lunatic - i am not honestly - well maybe a little bit at the moment!

dramaqueen72 Thu 13-Jan-05 18:57:32

yes thats how i feel. my ds is 12 and having a moody day.moaning and complaining at me. i seriously am listening to him and thinking 'shut up!!! fu*k off! shut up!!.....' i feel very weird and 'detatched' my dh has been great, aside from the moment where he said 'whats wrong you seem moody' ..er no.really????? but he didnt mean to put his foot in it. i really just want to sleep and wake up next week but fat chance of that with family tearing about. i know i'm very lucky to have them, but its also hard right now to not be able to be selfish.
have a meal out with bil and sil tomorrow. that will be odd 'acting' normal altho everyone knows. i feel SUCH a freak right now like the only person in the world. its very reassuring to find you all.
fisil, how awful for your poor little belly bean to be in sucha way. isnt it amazing how everyone takes pg for granted? its sucha miracle every single time it happens, but it takes this to make you remember that. rolling rock, so sorry for your news too. isnt it mad how we had a perfectly normal easy pg once but now seem stuck?
mishi, understand how you felt, i myself fall totally apart on the ward. its so final and so scary. i hate operations and proceedures and dugs and all that......shake like a leaf and cry alot. make the nurses and dr v nervous!
bella, i have considered asking for the EPRC to be pushed froward but know already they are very strict about the weeks wait. like someone else said, either hear or the other m/c thread, its an awful wait, cause while you KNOW its not possible the fact they like to double check gives you a ridiculous 'what if' kind of hope.
okay minnie you scared me......what went wrong? mine was okay last time, aside from 'infection' bleeding several days later....which hurts so much i thought i was dying -seriously.
wishing the girls going thro it right now a good nights rest, and the girls who have been there done that the time to post and boost us along.

TeaTime Thu 13-Jan-05 20:58:33

Hi Dramaqueen and Bella - just checking in from the other thread and wishing you a lot of love. Also to say that the other women on here are amazing, so many m/cs and yet full term children too. I absolutely agree Dramaqueen about the miracle of each conception and the bigger miracle of healthy babies - so much can go wrong at every stage! I'm drawing a lot of comfort too as I'm in limbo (been bleeding and spotting for 12 days) until a scan next Wednesday (9 wks +3) and just have a bad feeling about things (but if it all turns out OK will I feel bad about saying that?).

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