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Missed miscarriage- anyone else experience this b4? need to chat

(79 Posts)
nandos Sun 04-May-08 18:09:21

Hi,
I am going through a miscarriage this week after finding out at 10wks that baby(thats what i prefer to call it-dont mind me) growth is only at 5-6wks. Had no symptoms at all since i found out i was pregnant and the 10wk scan showed only a sac n a yolk. Sonographer said either it stopped growing or my lmp is wrong, which is highly unlikely and i would have to go through a d&c if 2nd scan showed no progress and if i dont have bleeding by next week.
Just would like to share my experience with anyone who went through similar case like mine n we can at least comfort each other in times of sadness ..

andiem Sun 04-May-08 18:18:17

nandos this has happened to me twice it is really heartbreaking when you don't know and you go for a scan thinking you are going to see your baby (yes it was a baby and don't let anyone else make you feel it wasn't)

all I can say is be kind to yourself
I had a d&c both times as I just wanted it to be over iyswim

take as much time as you need to recover as well
hugs to you
andie

cluckyagain Sun 04-May-08 18:22:06

nandos - poor love. I've had a missed mc once (and 2 other mc's) so I know how you feel. Like andiem I had a d&c, went on holiday the next day, was fine for a week, broke down at my friends wedding (where another close friend was pg and bleeding and I was just so appallingly jealous) and then got over it quite quickly after that. I've gone on to have 3 children (in amongst the mc's) so don't loose hope.xx

cluckyagain Sun 04-May-08 18:25:46

P.S. I didn't explain myself very well there. I was just so jealous of my friend for still being pg but angry with her for 'risking' the pg by going to the wedding! My hormones had a lot to answer for as she wasn't risking it at all! She went on to have a ds (who is now 5 1/2 months older than mine)

wen10 Sun 04-May-08 20:13:34

Hi Nandos, sorry for what you are going through. I had a mmc last year and decided not to have a d+c but a medical management whereby i took a tablet to start the mc off. I had painfull contractions for just over an hour and lost alot of blood/tissue then all slowly calmed down, seeing the sac pass through was traumatic and i dare say i will never forget that moment (i was 9weeks but the baby had stopped at 7weeks). I guess i felt at the time that the d+c just was'nt the right way for me but everyone's different. Give yourself plenty of time to recover from this and i really am sorry.
Takecare my lovely
Big hugs
wenXXX.

cyanarasamba Sun 04-May-08 20:25:38

So sorry this has happened to you. I had a mmc at 12 weeks - feeling was complete shock followed by denial, anger, grief, despair etc - anything is normal here.

I remember asking for another scan just to see what was there - the first was very rushed and seeing the baby (such as it was) helped me to come to terms with what was happening.

I went for the d&c as I wanted to move on as soon as possible.

Take care of yourself and come back and tell us how you're feeling if it helps. xxx

nandos Sun 04-May-08 23:22:11

Thx everyone for sharing your experiences and support. I just felt empty inside although I know in my womb there might be a dead baby inside(its not confirmed yet but im sure of it)
I dont know which is sadder, the dead baby in my body or the doctor who will be taking it out.
im sorry if i made u guys upset or sad but everytime i think abt it, it makes me want to vomit..
is there anyway i can take my mind off it while i wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally/d&c?

andiem Mon 05-May-08 09:12:22

nandos I think you just have to try and get through this bit as best you can be kind to yourself can you go shopping or something really trivial like that and treat yourself

the staff at the hospital are really nice when this happens so they will take good care of you

it does get better I have two dcs now spaced out by mc and every time I thought I wouldn't have a baby but I did
take care of yourself

cyanarasamba Mon 05-May-08 10:15:40

I slept a lot at first (it was over new years and I knew nothing of it). It's a horrible time before things are confirmed, I hope you get some confirmation either way.

Over the first few months after the MMC I found I was just about ok to get through the working day but went to pieces at the weekend unless we had lots of plans. We live near london so we would take ourselves off to the aquarium, the tower of london, etc etc. Can't say I particularly enjoyed it but kept my mind off things for a while. Sometimes you just need a duvet day though and a good cry.

lavenderbongo Mon 05-May-08 10:38:48

This happened to me.

We discovered the baby had died at about 8 or nine weeks when we had a scan at 12 weeks. I think I cried uncontrollably for about an hour.
I had the d&c after waiting for a week and nothing happening. The procedure itself is not that bad - you are in and out of hospital in a day. We knew the baby had died and I felt a week was long enough to wait for it to happen naturally. I just wanted it to be over with.

I found talking about it helped loads. I discovered how common mc was, as it was not something that I had ever thought about before. People at woek kept coming up to me and telling me their tales which I found helpful particularly when they then went on to say they had had children after.

I still think of this baby as my second baby that we lost and it can still make me cry - I shall never forget her. We have never found out why we lost her but I just think now that she wasnt meant to come at that time.

However two months later I found out I was pregnant again and went on to have dd2 who is now 13 months old and creating havoc. I think of her as my little miracle.

mylovelymonster Mon 05-May-08 10:56:09

hello - I had the same thing with first pregnancy. Was so excited...getting to twelve weeks and nearly over the first trimester, getting rounder in the tummy, feeling lovely - then started having pains and spotting. GP sent me for a scan and there was just a 5/6 week yolk sac - oh and a large cyst on my ovary (turned out to be two, but had those removed and finally had DD a couple of years later...)

Anyway, at the time I was desparate because I thought I was losing a baby, but the scan helped because I realised that a 5/6 week empty yolk sac - which was what it was by then - was not a baby so it made it a lot easier to miscarry naturally - well it's all relative, it was horrible, but to have lost a fully formed 12 week-old 'baby' would have been devastating. I just wanted to try again and be pregnant again. (Issue with cysts delayed this a bit).

So - now we have DD and I don't think of having lost a baby at all, because it wasn't. Early miscarriage is mother nature's way of dealing with real problems, and a baby was just never going to come from that fertilisation. End of story. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean to be at all. I just realised that I was lucky really - to have a damn good reason that the pregnancy wasn't going to continue, and that so many other women have much sadder experiences to deal with in having later miscarriages/complications/stillbirths. I can't imagine having to go through that.

I hope you get over this and go on to have a healthy pregnancy and gorgeous little one. I'm sure you will x

ampster Mon 05-May-08 11:16:02

This happened to me too - twice. The first one was the most traumatic as it was really hard for me to believe that a baby could just die like that. I had 'medical management' as well (e.g. the abortion pill) to get rid of the 'products of conception.' Saw the egg sac which was traumatic. Worse also was the doctor who didn't read my notes properly, assumed I was in for an abortion, and started chastising me for my failure to use contraception.

angry

Second one was last year. Decided not to have D&C or medical management but let it end naturally. Unfortunately this led to a month and a half of bleeding culminating in a dreadful experience in Waitrose - looking down to see blood dripping down my legs - begging them to let me use their bathrooms - in the bathroom the 'products of conception' hitting the floor in a horrible gush of liverish lumps as I pulled my knickers away. Ugh.

My friend (who had also had several mcs) cheered me up though when I told her about the Waitrose incident. She said "Never mind. Could have been worse. Could have been Asda." She had a point.

Pregnant now - due 28th May - but still answered, when the midwife asked me if this was my first child, that it was my third. Doh.

nandos Mon 05-May-08 15:37:29

mylovelymonster u have a point there. i know am lucky not to have it at a later stage. for now i am staying at home cos' i dont know when my bleeding will be coming and if it does, i would be ready for it i guess..
im just sad cos' its my 2nd miscarriage and we have no kids yet. the last pregnancy n miscarriage was 2 1/2yrs back so u would have known this is really a wanted child.
we had unexplained infertility and my pregnancy occurs only every 2-3 yrs as far as i know..so i dont know when will be my next fertile moment..
anyway i will update you guys abt my situation soon and would like to say thank you again to all of you ..

mylovelymonster Mon 05-May-08 18:51:22

nandos - hi. I'm so sorry this was your second pregnancy. I really didn't mean for my post to sound at all harsh - was just sharing my experience and how I felt about it/dealt with it.
Unexplained infertility? Have you had a proper examination - both of you - to find out where the issue is?

mylovelymonster Mon 05-May-08 19:32:12

The HFEA have a very informative book on issues with getting pregnant and will send it to you free here and have a lot of useful info on their website.
Also, something I learned is to steer clear of non-steroidal anti-inflammetory drugs when TTC as these can affect implantation of the embryo. Ibuprofen is one of these and taken routinely for headaches etc. I believe paracetomol is the only painkiller which is ok. Other medications - check with your doctor or pharmacist.
Just a few thoughts.
Thinking of you xx

nandos Mon 05-May-08 20:25:40

mylovelymonster dont be silly ..u dont sound harsh at all, its just different way of thinking thats all thx for the info u gave me too..
yes, both me(26) n my hubby(33) did our tests and everything turn out to be fine..only hubby had slight low motility rate but doc said unless it is zero then we have no prob.
btw ampster im sorry abt your previous mc and horrible experience at waitrose.
hopefully u get to see your long-awaited bundle of joy soon Abt your doc, hes sounded silly for telling you abt contraception..

i feel much better discussing abt this topic but at times i still wander if i hadn't miscarried i would have 2 kids by now..

ingles2 Mon 05-May-08 20:42:56

Hi Nandos,..really sorry to hear you are going through this
sad
I've had a few MC but my last was a missed at 16 weeks with monozygotic twins who had died at 11/12. I didn't start bleeding naturally and had a D&C. I actually found the time between finding out and the D&C incredibly hard to deal with. TBH I wanted them gone as soon as possible. Does that sound weird? THe D&C wasn't a problem at all, in and out in a day. I have 2 ds's but still think about all my MC 'babies'. I expect I always will.
Have you got someone in RL to talk to about this? I find the more you talk the easier it is. Is your DP supporting you? and you he of course, I have to admit to forgetting about my DH's feelings and I think the mc hit him hard too.
Sending lots of strength and support your way x

mylovelymonster Mon 05-May-08 21:22:51

Nandos - once you're through this, better save your energy for the children you will have in the future grin They will be exhausting.

It's a positive sign that you have got pregnant, and you are young, so keep positive and battle on my love xx

LuckySalem Mon 05-May-08 21:25:56

Nandos - I had one of these. We went to what was thought to be our 12 week scan and everything was fine heartbeat etc etc but turned out I was only 8 weeks and was told to come back in 4 weeks for the proper scan. Got there and turned out baby had died in between. Having a D&C was the hardest thing ever as I kept thinking but what if it's alive!

I don't know how to help you as it took me months to recover. All I will say is grieve and take time to recover. Alot of people (not on here obviously) think it's nothing and you should get over it quickly but it is a baby so take your time to grieve and ignore anyone who tells you otherwise.

nandos Mon 05-May-08 21:26:43

Im so sorry abt your previous twin mc ingles2...it must be really hard on u
i think its a natural thing to start all over again when a person found out she has miscarried so its not weird to have the d&c sorted out asap... but im just scared to have the d&c n feel embarrased abt it(to have someone look at my thingy..i know it sound silly)..
my hubby is still very sad n disappointed cos' he also wanted a child badly and i didnt cry when i heard the news at first but when i came out of the epu n saw his face, i started blabbering and words cant come out to tell him the news n i started crying..thats when he realised something is wrong..

ingles2 Mon 05-May-08 21:43:53

Thanks Nandos,..but don't feel scared or embarrassed about the D+C,...really. they see it all the time. Take care of yourself amd try and get some rest.

orangehead Mon 05-May-08 21:47:22

I have had two of these, the first was esp difficult I had some spotting at 9 weeks which confirmed everthing was well strong heartbeat baby moving I went away so proud of my scan picture and relieved after panicering thinking I was going to mc. I returnend at 12 weeks for what should of been my first scan which revealed my baby had died at 11 weeks. I had an erpc but like luckysaleem I kept thinking what if they had made a mistake and killed my baby. When it came to my 3rd mc- 2nd missed, after the scan I made them keep doing blood tests to check my hcg werent going up before I would let them do another erpc, that helped me having extra assurance that the baby had definetly died. Dont feel bad for calling it your baby thats what it was, I always refer to my three as my babies. It takes time to grieve so dont rush yourself or let anyone rush you. Im so sorry you are going through this. This nov will be 11 years since my first mc, I now have 2 sons but I still think of my babies that died, not in a morbid way but they were part of me, part of who I am and influenced the type of person and mum I am today. Take one step at a time.
When do you go for your 2nd scan

expatinscotland Mon 05-May-08 21:50:22

i'm so sorry.

i also found out at 10 weeks that my baby had died at around 5-6 weeks.

i had an ERPC the next week.

i had one cycle after ERPC and then fell pregnant again.

am 15 weeks now but tbh, i panic at every scan, midwife appointments, and subconsciously prepare myself for someone telling me my baby is dead again.

reading posts here, though, i know this is normal and common.

i wish you luck!

the ERPC wasn't so bad at all. a few days of cramping and almost no bleeding at all.

ampster Tue 06-May-08 09:38:56

oh yes, nandos, i forgot to say that after the first mc i had some counselling on the nhs, provided by homerton hospital in london (where i had the RU486 to remove the baby). it was really really really useful (and free!) so if you're having problems i would definitely recommend trying to get some counselling to help you deal with what is definitely a bereavment.

when i was 10 weeks pregnant with this baby i asked for a scan (they're not routine here in sweden till 20 weeks) because i was positive it had died inside me again. i was so happy to see it moving around. i also got one of those heartbeat doppler things so that every time i was scared he'd died again i could listen to the heartbeat. so i'd recommend that for next time also.

you'll be fine! you're only 26!

nandos Tue 06-May-08 11:47:26

well ampster, i did bought a fetal doppler just a day before my 10wk epu scan and received it 2 days after i got the bad news so its there in my drawer now.
well on the bright side, since we cant do anything with it, me n hubby used it to hear our own heartbeat so it cheered me up a bit after that..
and yeah im 26 but we been married for nearly 5 years so theres a lot of pressure from a lot of ppl asking when we will be having kids. all i could say is 'hopefully soon'. i will be 27 end of this yr so time is catching up with me faster than i thought..

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