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New to mumsnet miscarried twins can anyone offer advice

(17 Posts)
mummyhill Fri 22-Oct-04 09:45:26

I miscarried twins at 9 weeks all of 4 weeks ago, i can't explain how i feel to anyone, my husband couldn't go with me to the hospital as he had chicken pox and when i came out instead of resting i looked after him and our 2yr dd. I was completly numb for 2 weeks doing everything on auto pilot i now find it difficult to grieve becuase i locked my emotions away to deal with other emergencies that have happened within the family since. My fil was in hospital about the same time as me and has lost the sight in his right eye and this seems to be more important to some members of the family than our loss and that makes me angry. With everything that has happened this year i wonder why on earth i am still here.

Dyzzidi Fri 22-Oct-04 10:04:48

Hi Mummyhill. I had a miscarriage in september and the week later my dad who has diabetes was taken into hospital with major sight problems so I know how you feel. I went to see him every day and yet some members of my family still thought i wasn't doing enough I'm the youngest and to them as i don't have children i should do more than my fair share they didn't recognise what i was going through and i will never forgive them for that. I decided to take time just for me and told people this switched my moble and home phone off and told them to call round only in an emergency which got some of their backs up but hey I'm only human. Just try to rememer that whatever goes on your loss is real and important to you they may be trying to cover their uncomfortableness with what happened by diverting attention away.

Thinking of you

so sorry for your loss.

whimsy Fri 22-Oct-04 10:04:57

Im so sorry mummyhill

Maudy Fri 22-Oct-04 10:32:30

mummyhill I am so sorry for what you are going through and I know how awful it is going through a miscarriage having had one at 12 weeks. It is a very frightening and confusing time and I don't think anyone really understands what you are going through as it is your body and only you know how you feel.

I know it is hard to look to the future but please try and understand that all is not lost. I went on to have a perfectly easy pregnancy 3 months later and have a happy, healthy 2 yr old.
Big hugs to you in this horrible time.xx

Marina Fri 22-Oct-04 10:53:43

mummyhill, so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. You sound in serious need of some support - please talk to your GP or maybe your dd's health visitor about finding a local miscarriage support group. They should know what is available in your area. I hope you also got decent follow-up from your hospital - if not, complain if you feel you have the strength.
People can be so crass and insensitive about miscarriage, I know from experience. I also know what it's like to wonder what the **** is the point of going on at times. After my baby died in the womb I went on to have a healthy dd. My pregnancy was very fraught and we will never ever forget Tom, but life *can* eventually get better after such a loss.
Sadly there are lots of people on Mumsnet who have experienced the death of a baby at some point and we all support each other here. Post and vent here if it helps.
How are things between you and your dh now? Does he appreciate how extra hard it must have been to be looking after him when you were feeling so rough yourself? I have to say men do have impeccable timing and even the best of dhs is prone to seeing things only from their own perspective...I hope he is not one of the family members more concerned about FIL's sight loss.
Hugs to you.

cardigan Fri 22-Oct-04 10:59:32

Mummyhill, I'm so sad to hear what happened to you. I hope that you will be able to have time just to be and to grieve for your twins. Miscarriage is terrible but many people just don't acknowledge what has happened.Is your dh feeling better as now it's your turn for complete rest from all tasks. My thoughts are with you -

throckenholt Fri 22-Oct-04 11:33:36

this might be of use to you - I am pretty sure they have a bereavement section.

Twinline is a national, confidential, support, listening and information service for all parents of twins, triplets and more, and the professionals involved in their care.

Tel. 0800 138 0509

The service operates

from 7pm to 10pm every weekday,

and 10am to 10pm on Saturdays and Sundays, all year round.

secur Fri 22-Oct-04 11:39:20

Message withdrawn

mummyhill Mon 25-Oct-04 15:10:30

Thank you all for your supportive comments. I am seeing my health visitor tomorrow, and gp is being supportive. DH is showing that he cares a bit more freely at the moment. This could have something to do with the fact that we went out with friends recently and i got propper drunk and vented my spleen followed by sobbing uncontrolably for at least an hour. Woke up with the mother of all hangovers but felt better for getting it all of my chest. Wish i could of done it sooner and without having to get drunk, but it is done now and cannot be taken back.

Eeek Mon 25-Oct-04 15:24:52

Hi

the multiple birth foundation may also be of some use to you - they're here They do a good booklet on bereavement. I lost one twin and they were fantastic.

mummyhill Wed 27-Oct-04 14:46:57

I have been in touch with my gp. He has just had my most recent blood test results and said that my thyroid function is horrifically out of control again and has trebbled my dosage. From information i have read else where this could of been a contributing factor why didn't they monitor it more closely? So now we are going to wait till they have stabilised my thyroid and we are all fit and well then we shall ttc.

mummyhill Mon 21-Feb-05 08:34:03

GOOD NEWS AT LAST I THINK. Have reached 12 weeks and feel fine thyroid is well controlled and i am starting to relax a little. I still cry for my lost babies (do not think i will ever stop) but am trying not to dwell to much on it at the moment.

BubblesDeVere Mon 21-Feb-05 08:38:25

Fantastic news mummyhill

morningmayhem Mon 21-Feb-05 08:59:55

Congratulations

Clayhead Mon 21-Feb-05 09:00:49

More congratulations

throckenholt Mon 21-Feb-05 09:06:02

congratulations !

try not to dwell too much on what might have been - enjoy what you have got now !

DecafArabica Mon 21-Feb-05 11:06:50

That's such good news mummyhill!

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