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It's over so quickly

(17 Posts)
charisann93 Sat 31-Oct-20 16:33:02

I found out there was no heartbeat on Wednesday, by Friday at 12pm I'd had the medical management inserted.. by 2:30 the pain and bleeding was continuous until 11pm... today I have woke up with light bleeding just feeling empty, achy and numb... it really can be over that quick.

My heart hurts; my body hurts; I want my baby back.

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elane8701 Sat 31-Oct-20 21:52:47

Aw @charisann93 I'm so sorry for your loss. This happened to me about 5 weeks ago and it is utterly heartbreaking. I went in to my scan and I left with some tablets and two days time it was over, like nothing happened? But TIME IS A HEALER and it does get better as you process it. I still cry 5 weeks on but the sadness does subside.

charisann93 Sat 31-Oct-20 21:59:10

@elane8701 Thank you so much, I'm sorry that you've had to go through it too.. I feel like I've been hit by a train emotionally and physically. It's a mixture of shock, sadness, anger and a whole load of mixed up emotions.
Life is so shit and cruel sometimes.

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Miljea Sat 31-Oct-20 22:08:50

It's so tough, isn't it?

It was quite a long time ago for me; but I started bleeding at around 9w. That time I did go to A&E, but there was nothing anyone could do; so I went home and 'it all ended' within 2-3 days.

Second 'go' ended in DS1, now 21.

But I recall how messed up my hormones were, initially. But I now feel lucky that those around me were supportive, and forward looking- having, shockingly, in retrospect, discovered how common 'early' loss was!

You don't say how early you were, and nor do you have to.

I hope it all work out for you.

charisann93 Sat 31-Oct-20 22:15:29

@Miljea it really does suck.
I was 8 weeks, but baby stopped growing around 6-7 weeks.
There's too much stigma around loss and miscarriage and its not right. I really hope it gets spoken about more, it's too real not too.

I'm so glad the second time worked out for you.. always remembering your Angel baby. daffodil

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Mummyme87 Sat 31-Oct-20 22:19:54

It’s quite a shock how quickly things can be over.
I found out I was pregnant on the Thursday, in hospital the following Thursday have emergency laparoscopy and salpingectomy for ruptured ectopic. I was home on Friday lunch time. I struggled with how quick the turn around was

Miljea Sun 01-Nov-20 00:35:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChanklyBore Sun 01-Nov-20 00:45:05

I am sorry for your loss OP.

Miljea, whatever you think, I have held two of my babies and looked at their faces, counted their fingers and toes, I knew their sex, I wrapped them in a blanket. I don’t mention them much. Certainly not in real life. But neither of them were the magic 20-22 weeks when according to you I was allowed to feel pain at their loss. I wasn’t naive, I know loss happens, and it happens to me on my very first pregnancy so none of the rest could ever feel the same, but at what point is it allowable to make allowances, to understand and grieve a loss? I felt no less upset losing a pregnancy at 17 weeks as I did at 19 weeks. I am sorry you have experienced loss too, but try to understand that you are not coming from a place of understanding. You are coming from a very limited experience and as a great friend of mine once said, you can’t compare pain. Pain is pain.

Miljea Sun 01-Nov-20 01:06:37

chankly, so sorry for your loss. I've asked for mine to be deleted. I get that a 17 week loss would be horrible.

But I still stand by my assertion it's not psychologically helpful to view a 6 week miscarriage in the same way.

Miljea Sun 01-Nov-20 01:09:42

20-22 isn't 'magic', it's approaching viability. That's a fact, not my belief regarding foetal gestation.

Again, sorry for your loss. But treating 6-8 week miscarriages in the same way isn't, IMO, psychologically helpful to the woman concerned.

Miljea Sun 01-Nov-20 01:15:18

"I am sorry you have experienced loss too, but try to understand that you are not coming from a place of understanding. You are coming from a very limited experience"

To be fair, I am coming from exactly the same place, so please don't tell me I have 'limited experience'.

It's just that I have chosen to regard my 8-9 week miscarriages as being the result of non-viable foetuses. Not the loss of 'rainbow babies'.

I think it's helpful, in life, sometimes, to recognise that some things just 'are'.

Anyway, I'm bowing out now.

charisann93 Sun 01-Nov-20 10:40:41

I didn't see your post that has now been taken down, and to be honest I didn't need to, I've got the jyst based on your comments afterwards.

I wasn't even going to Grace you with a response, but it's made me sick at your comments to be honest, how dare you come on my post and say that I shouldn't feel pain based on how many weeks I was.

I saw the heartbeat prior to this awful news, I saw it moving, alive, it was MY BABY that we so desperately tried for, for over 2 and half years. So no, I'm not going to let your fucked up opinion, make me feel shit about grieving for my baby.

No it wouldn't of been viable outside the womb, and I'm not naive to the fact anything could of been done to stop it, but that makes no difference, it's my first baby and ALWAYS WILL BE.

I don't give a fuck if my comment gets removed, but I'm not letting people like you make me and others feel shit at a time we should be supporting each other.

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Mummyme87 Sun 01-Nov-20 10:46:22

No matter what gestation a pregnancy is a baby, how that woman chooses to deal with it is up to them but no one should feel that their earlier losses are less significant tan a later loss. I am a midwife and see all stages of loss from very early to obviously very late stillbirths. They are all very very important.

My ectopic was 5weeks and not viable pregnancy due to it being in my Fallopian tube... that doesn’t mean I didnt feel loss and sadness.

KJ1984 Sun 01-Nov-20 17:46:19

@charisann93 I’m so sorry for your loss, that empty feeling is the worst, but it does get better and you will start to feel brighter over time I promise. I’ve had two losses, a second trimester loss in my first pregnancy and a recent early miscarriage. Both have been so hard emotionally, no matter how short a time you’re pregnant for, for a while they are a little life nestling inside of you and you are entitled to grieve that life however you need to. I found gentle yoga and acupuncture really helpful for me after my first loss, it seemed to help my body gets its rhythm back a little quicker and definitely helped me emotionally as well. Hugs flowers

Littleonefirsttime Sun 01-Nov-20 19:05:33

@charisann93 I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I was similar as I found out at 12 weeks that the baby had died and 6 and I miscarried naturally a week after the discovery, hours before my return visit to the hospital was planned for scans and discussion of treatment. The miscarriage lasted about two hours - with some bleeding for a week after. I agree how quick and abrupt it all felt and I feel in a similar way to you that I now am just in a state of shock and it hits me from time to time just what has happened. I get the empty feeling too and exactly as you put it ‘I want my baby back’ which I think is totally normal although it is so hard. Hope you’re okay. It’s cliche and not helpful but as they say time will help. Our bodies and hormones settling down will also help with the process too. Xx

EssentialHummus Sun 01-Nov-20 19:12:19

I just want to reiterate what mummy wrote. A big part of the problem with miscarriage, imo, is not allowing oneself to grieve or even feel sad because it was early.

I’m sorry charis. Time helps, confiding in other people helps.

charisann93 Sun 01-Nov-20 20:19:37

Thank you all for the last few comments, I appreciate your kindness.. time will heal, but it will stay with me forever.

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