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Advice please- considering options for missed miscarriage

(24 Posts)
leftitlate37 Sun 25-Oct-20 20:18:10

Hi everyone - weve found out at about 11 weeks that sadly no heartbeat seen and only measuring 6 weeks sad gutted and sad. unfortunately due to measurements we still have to wait for another scan to get confirmation nothing is progressing, it'll be a long wait til the next scan. hope nature takes it course in meantime but feel like it probably won't as 5 weeks already passed and nothing happened. So trying to focus on what options are.
not sure we will go for conservative management, but wondered what people's experiences were of medical management or manual evacuation with local anaesthetic. I'd thought id be more tempted by medical as just feels more natural to do it this way and pass everything yourself, but then felt with manual evacuation it seems like it's possibly a more certain outcome and maybe less bleeding.? Would appreciate any advice from your experiences. thanks x

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booandbumpp Sun 25-Oct-20 20:26:39

Hi OP. I didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC at 10 weeks, but I went for conservative management which did happen a week after the scan. I hope things progress as easily and physically pain free as possible for you x

MilkItTilITurnItIntoCheese Sun 25-Oct-20 20:30:29

I had a mmc about 15 years ago. We already had a small child. I went for medical management. If I had the choice again I’d go surgical. The physical pain on top of the emotional pain was too much for me. It wasn’t easy that’s for sure.
Whatever you choose I wish you well. It’s a cruel trick of nature. I went on to have 2 more healthy pregnancies after my mmc.

leftitlate37 Sun 25-Oct-20 20:36:10

hi @booandbumpp - thanks for your message. Sorry to hear about your MMC - i could never have appreciated how awful it feels until now! i really hope between now and next scan my body just does what it needs too. I hope things are ok with you now.x
Thanks @MilkItTilITurnItIntoCheese and sorry you went through this before too. thanks for your thoughts about it, i appreicate that - it really really is a cruel trick of nature. Tbh until we started TTC i had never heard of a missed miscarriage....and then sometime later here we are! and also im so glad you went on to have 2 healthy pregnancies smile (as well as being glad for you, it also gives some hope at this rubbish time for us!).

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Pickypolly Sun 25-Oct-20 20:36:21

I’ve both waited for nature to take its course and had the medical management for miscarriage.

Knew at 6 weeks that I was going to miscarry firm scan, waited for nature, it took until 13 weeks to happen.
I ended up in hospital any way due to the blood loss and severity of the pain meaning that I needed gas & air and morphine because I was labouring.

With medical management, again, heavy bleeding and severe labour pains so ended up in hospital again for the gas & air and morphine.

Surgical management is quick, easy, less bleeding and much less pain (I believe)

Good luck flowers

bekindtome Sun 25-Oct-20 20:41:41

I've had 3 mmc. I had one medically managed and 2 surgical. I would always recommend surgical to anyone that asked. I had virtually no pain and minimal bleeding. It was also over a lot quicker.

copperoliver Sun 25-Oct-20 21:35:45

I had a surgical at 8 weeks. Easier I would think. X

VenusStarr Sun 25-Oct-20 22:04:22

I'm sorry this is happening ❤️

I've had 3 missed miscarriages (4 losses in total). With my first 2 I went for expectant management and although I managed at home, it was incredibly painful and distressing as I was having contractions for hours.

With my third mmc, I chose medical management as I wanted to get the baby tested - I was told that the mva might mean they didn't get what they needed to test. I also didn't feel I would mentally cope being awake during the procedure, so I chose the tablets. The insertion was very upsetting and uncomfortable. I was in continuous pain until I passed my pregnancy later that day, but I didn't contract like I had with my natural ones so it felt manageable. This was my most recent one, 3 weeks ago. If I'm unfortunate to have another mmc I'll choose medical again.

None of the options are ones any of us should have to make 😢 x

Rumples Mon 26-Oct-20 09:02:24

@leftitlate37 Hi lovely,

I think I recognise your username from the pregnancy board.

I had a mmc a couple of weeks ago when I should have been 9 weeks but only measuring 6-7. The EPU told me to wait 2 weeks and see if it happened naturally. I waited a week and rang them back as nothing was happening.

I had medical management midday on the 14th October. It was a tough day and there was a lot of pain and bleeding but the pain was all over by 9pm. I've stopped bleeding now, so it all lasted just under 2 weeks. Although my preg test is still showing a faint positive but I know it can take a while to turn negative.

I was offered surgical but because of COVID they said they would prefer I tried the tablets first. I know people have different experiences but as I'm working from home I didn't find it too bad.

I hope you're okay. It's an awful thing to have to go through xx

Carefree1 Mon 26-Oct-20 09:08:20

So sorry to hear you’re going through this, sending virtual hugs 💗

I had mmc in May this year, with baby stopping growing around 11 weeks. I just couldn’t go for conservative or medical management, for me it would have dragged it out even longer.
I had an MVA and it was the best decision for me. The recovery time was extremely quick and I had minimal bleeding. Procedure itself was a little uncomfortable, but totally manageable. It isn’t particularly ‘clinical’ and the nurses you have with you are so supportive.
The best advice I can give is do what you want to do and what you feel is best & to be kind to yourself in the coming weeks. So sorry you have to make this crappy decision xx

leftitlate37 Mon 26-Oct-20 20:55:00

wow thank you all so much for replying, just read all these after a rubbish day trying to work, and really appreciated the virtuals hugs and support from you.
Its so nice to hear from u all but just reinforces how common this seems to be, horrible that we have to go through this esp those of u who have had to experience it more than oncesad
thank u for your advice based on your experiences, and sorry tohear that sometimes things haven't gone to plan.
I'd been fairly convinced by medical management but that was before they confirmed MVA was an option and maybe based on what some of u have said and other stuff ive obviously found frantically googling, i feel at the mo i'd be leaning towards that.
@Carefree1 - so sorry about your MMC sad i feel like u i don't want it dragging out. Do you mind me asking (dont reply if you don't want too) - did the anaesthetic in your cervix hurt?! i cant imagine having a needle stuck in there :s thats the bit that in a way concerns me more than the procedure itself. saying there are nurses there makes me feel better as defo think i'd need someone there whilst it was happening.
@Rumples ah i remember you too - it's kinda horrid when you find yourself seeing familiar names on a board you don't really want to be on as u know it means they've gone thru it too. Im so sorry for you - was the worst moment being told. sorry the 14th was such a tough day, you must be super strong tho. thats great that the bleeding has now settled though and hopefully you'll get a negative test soon...maybe will see u on one of the other boards soon too smile (here we go again)
Sorry for the long message, but thank u all so much - it's really really helped. XX

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Carefree1 Tue 27-Oct-20 08:13:40

Morning @leftitlate37.
I don’t mind answering any questions at all - I found it quite hard to find experiences as most people had gone for general Anaesthetic. Obviously covid pushed more people towards local, so there should be more info now.
In all honesty I didn’t find the anaesthetic injection painful at all. It just felt like pressure/pushing. They give you painkillers beforehand and a tablet to soften your cervix too, so I think that helped.
The painkiller is a suppository (which I didn’t realise) and when they told me I cried again because I thought it was unfair to go through all that and have to put a tablet up there (I laugh about that part now). But it really helped and that’s probably why the needle didn’t hurt.
They will scan you before and after to make sure that they clear everything. I would say I felt so poked and prodded over that week with all the scans etc. But it allowed me to start to grieve.
The procedure itself took perhaps 10 minutes, then into the recovery room with a cup of coffee and some biscuits xx

leftitlate37 Tue 27-Oct-20 09:55:28

Thanks so much @carefree1 - definitely right, lots of leaflets about procedure itself but sparse on experiences!
OK I hadnt realised that at all either re the painkiller! This all helps as I know what am like and if unprepared for something I could just have a meltdown however seemingly trivial something is! Thank u though, good to know the injection itself wasn't too bad. Guessing it all starts a bit like a smear with having a good nosey down there....eeeshk.
I think perhaps I just need to get over some of my fears, like was so worried about transvaginal scan at first but reality wasn't bad at all really. Ill have to focus on the coffee and biscuit part....
Thanks again for your advice esp when it may still be raw for you. Really hope everything goes well for u with future pregnancies if thats what u decide xx

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KJ1984 Tue 27-Oct-20 15:40:01

@leftitlate37 sorry to hear that you’re going through this, I’m in exactly the same boat as you. Had a scan this morning showing an empty sac when I should be 8 weeks pregnant. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, I’d rather do it naturally but I don’t want it to take weeks! I’m having another rescan next week so will wait until then to make a decision. I hope that whatever you choose to do, you have a swift recovery physically and emotionally!

leftitlate37 Tue 27-Oct-20 15:47:05

Oh @KJ1984 I'm so so sorry to hear this, its absolutely awful to find this out...sending you big hugs. I cried a lot over the weekend so can imagine how u may be feeling. Its just such a shock when although u know sometimes things can go wrong but feel like it won't happen to you.
In case u haven't found it, the miscarriage association have loads of useful stories and info on their website ...found that really useful as well as all the help from others here! Hopefully it may happen for us both naturally and take the need for a decision away, but I guess at least we have time to mull over what we may do. Did u get informed of your options today? Thinking of u anyway, let me know how u get on xx

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KJ1984 Tue 27-Oct-20 16:34:14

@leftitlate37 thanks for that, I’ll take a look. I had a 2nd trimester loss with my first pregnancy but as I was so far along, it was handled differently so have no idea what’s going to happen this time! Yes it’s a really tough thing to go through, be kind to yourself and maybe try and do some nice things to distract if you can whilst you’re in this waiting period, I had a nice bubble bath and DH is treating me to a takeaway tonight, just little things but sometimes they can take the edge off of that gnawing worry inside!

They just gave me the leaflet that tells you the 3 options but I think they’re really holding fire until the rescan before any decisions are made.

leftitlate37 Tue 27-Oct-20 16:38:34

Oh gosh I'm truly sorry you also experienced a loss in your 2nd trimester previously @KJ1984.
Bubble bath and takeout are great ideas smile what takeaway r u getting?! Definitely well deserved for u today.
U r so right its that constant gnawing....ive got that like pre exam feeling where u just always have this thing in the back of your mind whether u r actually focusing on it or not. Might have a hot bath later! Good plan!

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KJ1984 Tue 27-Oct-20 18:07:40

Probably something greasy and unhealthy! 🙈 that feeling is horrible isn’t it, I hope the time passes quickly for you and me both!

LittleTiger007 Thu 29-Oct-20 12:52:50

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this @leftitlate37. I’m sorry I didn’t see this post earlier in the week. I went through this back in June/July. I opted for a surgical solution and was glad that I was asleep. I would also ask from experience if they can do a hysteroscopy. Because I hadn’t naturally miscarried (like you) they did the hysteroscopy to see what was going on. It is a tiny camera that they insert. They found some endometriosis and a fibroid and were able to remove both of those things as well as the tissue from the pregnancy. The fibroid was preventing the tissue from falling away easily and it also likely caused the miscarriage. In the very next cycle after this I fell pregnant again - and so I am extra grateful that they did this.
Whatever happens I hope it’s not too traumatic for you and that you get your rainbow baby very soon. flowers

leftitlate37 Thu 29-Oct-20 12:58:21

hey @LittleTiger007 thanks for your lovely message on here too, and im so sorry u had this in june/july. im so glad to hear that you managed to have the fibroid removed and that you got some reason for the likely cause of your miscarriage. has this given you some reassurance for this pregnancy? I hope so, although i think having been thru this we will only ever be extra anxious!
so happy that you got pregnant in the next cycle smile its kinda whats now worrying me on top of everything else, is like oh no how long could/will this now take next time sad what will be will be tho eh!
might be TMI, but natures taken/taking its course now so am relieved have (hopefully) not gotta have anything more. jeez what a truly horrific process this is!
thanks again, and good luck for all your scans etc and a happy n healthy pregnancy smile (i'll prob keep my eye on the may babies thread!) x

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LittleTiger007 Thu 29-Oct-20 13:25:03

I’m glad it’s taking a natural course @leftitlate37. It’s def nicer to be at home if that’s the right word. The whole thing is just awful. I’m now at ten weeks again (well exactly 11 weeks today) I had the medical management at 10 weeks last time and only then did my symptoms start to ease. scan on Saturday ... equal parts terrified and excited. I’m going to be a gibbering wreck. I’m glad we made a private appointment so my husband can be with me this time.
I know what you mean about watching the May threads. I kinda want to watch the Feb threads as that was my original due date... but it’s too painful to think about what may have been.
The removal of the fibroid has given me some more hope for this pregnancy for sure. It’s almost like it was meant to be so that this issue got sorted.
All being well you will get pregnant again quickly. I hope so. Xx

leftitlate37 Thu 29-Oct-20 13:29:49

ah i thought it was soon your scan @LittleTiger007 - you'll be fine, think positive thoughts! so glad husband can be with u this time, its so important. look forward to hearing how u get on smile i cant remember, have u had an earlier scan this time round?
yeah im not sure how long ill follow it for tbh....feels normal at the moment but suspect as time goes on you are right, and itll be "the what may have been" - was looking forward to a May baby sad
it is weird sometimes how things work out, but i know what u mean that u feel like it was meant to be - awful that it has ever happened to you, but defo gives hope then for the future. good luck again for sat, be thinking of u both xx

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LittleTiger007 Thu 29-Oct-20 15:33:40

Thanks @leftitlate37. This will be our first scan this pregnancy, second pregnancy, first child for both of us... I’m hoping after Saturday i will enjoy it more and relax! Also for my husband - seeing the baby he will finally emotionally engage more too. I don’t think it’s as real for men sometimes until there’s a bump and they see the baby on a screen. He’s been awesome but I think this will be key for him. Will let you know how it goes. Scared silly currently. 😕

leftitlate37 Tue 03-Nov-20 16:16:41

hey @LittleTiger007 - just wanted to message to say hope all went well for u guys on Saturday smile x

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