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Hand needed- TFMR tomorrow

(10 Posts)
sickofthisyear Wed 21-Oct-20 12:10:26

Name changed for this- had first stage of compassionate induction yesterday and going to hospital tomorrow for medical 'termination' and delivery at 16 weeks due to antenatal diagnosis.
Packing bag- can't believe I'm here, we were so excited and now to have to deliver is so scary as I have had previous birth trauma.
I don't know anyone else who has been through this- friends have had miscarriages but this seems so different. The varying emotions I feel are overwhelming. I've applied to join the private ARC forum but you can only join once your pregnancy has ended. Feel so alone. Any advice welcome.

OP’s posts: |
Bea11 Thu 22-Oct-20 17:15:12

Have just read your post and wanted to send a big hug your way. I hope that everything went as well as it could today. Are you being looked after ok? xx

VenusStarr Thu 22-Oct-20 18:24:30

I am so sorry @sickofthisyear sending you lots of love ❤️

If you're on Instagram, look up Little Norfolk Cottage, she's called Zara and she has shared quite a lot about her experience. She's happy for people to message her too - I've not had a tmfr, but have had recurrent losses and she's supported me.

Lots of love xx

sickofthisyear Thu 22-Oct-20 18:26:44

Thank you both. We are still waiting for meds unfortunately but staff are being very kind and we are comfortable. I feel a long night awaits.

OP’s posts: |
Bickles Thu 22-Oct-20 18:32:08

flowers
Hand to hold here. We tfmr years ago. Surgical management but still horrible. Thinking of you.

Bea11 Thu 22-Oct-20 19:39:05

Sorry to hear that there's been such a long wait for you. Stay strong, you can do this. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way and will be thinking of you tonight 😘

ShockedPikachu Tue 27-Oct-20 21:05:11

@sickofthisyear I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a tfmr end of June. This is the hardest thing I've had to face and on the whole it's been ok, but this week has been devastating. If I could tell myself one thing, its - take all the time you need and make sure you have enough support. We had ours when lockdown was terrible and my partner couldn't even come to the scan, so seeing parents and family was off the cards. Make sure you surround yourself with support. I didn't use the resources available, ARC, Petals etc and wish I had, as it may have helped me now; I will be using the resources now to try and navigate this period. And remember not to be hard on yourself, take all the time, chocolate, wine you need. Thinking of you flowers

abcsd Thu 12-Nov-20 22:43:47

This happened to me about a year ago at roughly the same stage as you. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. Things have got better although I still have waves of sadness about it.
I don’t know the circumstances of your TFMR but some of the things the midwives/doctors said at the time did help me - “this is nature, nature can be cruel but that is nature” - and “you’ve been dealt a shitty hand, my friend”. It made me think there’s nothing else I could have done it was just staggeringly bad luck, as unfair as that feels.
Wine also helped. And talking to a few people about it - although I found it very hard when people tried to compare it with their experiences of early miscarriage which is just a totally different thing.
Big love and hand hold x

OchonAgusOchonO Thu 12-Nov-20 23:07:27

I hope all went well op. I had a tfmr at 22 weeks 25 years ago. I'm sure you've had loads of advice in real life but, in my opinion, one thing that is important is to name your baby and talk about him/her using the name.

Most people don't know how to react but just asume that that crap comments are meant well.

If possible, get bereavement counselling. You've lost a baby. You need to come to terms with that.

I know it's not relevant to your situation at the moment but I went on to have another 3 children. I found my next pregnancy quite stressful. Not because I thought he would have the same issue as that was ruled out quite early, but because I realised that things don't always go to plan and there are 5m different things that can go wrong.

flowers for you.

fuckedandbombed Thu 12-Nov-20 23:21:23

Hi op

I had same , for t21 at 16 weeks 4 years ago now . I had a thread on her to ask what to expect. It was very useful. I had medical management.

Feel free to ask anything you want to know . thanksthanksthanks

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