Missed miscarriage query - what’s ahead?

[Littleonefirsttime]

Hi everyone. I found out on Monday, at 12 weeks, that our baby died six weeks ago. I’ve got to go back on Monday for the follow up scan and to discuss options.
Does anyone know if I choose medical management whether they insert the tablets there and then or whether you often need to return for this?
Do you think an operation would be offered to me with the baby being so small? Or would it be as I’ve been pregnant for so long and my body is just in absolute denial.
Just wondering what’s ahead.
Thank you

[pixienewbie]

Hi @Littleonefirsttime sorry to hear about what you are going through.
I found out 2 weeks ago on my 12 week scan that baby was on measuring 5 weeks. I had the follow up scan on Friday and they offered me both medical and surgical options - they very much left it up to me to decide and talked me through all options.
The medical option meant I had to return on Monday for the tablets and surgery wasn’t available until the following Friday.
Hope this information helps in some way. Do let me know if you have any other questions.

[notinthestarsigns]

So sorry to hear your sad news @Littleonefirsttime. I found out my baby’s heart had stopped beating at a scan just before 20 weeks in June. I had to take tablets and then return to be induced 48 hours later, but it may be different depending on what stage of the pregnancy you are at. I hope those around you are looking after you and try to look after yourself too x

[Littleonefirsttime]

Hi @pixienewbie. Thanks for getting back to me.
I am so sorry about your loss too - we are similar then in terms of when we found out and how far our babies got. I would be grateful to ask a few questions but don’t worry about answering all of them.
Did you go for medical management then or the operation? How did your choice go?
Did you get a scan to take? Were you offered one? Not sure if we are too small for one.
How are you doing? Really hope you’re okay. Everything ahead seems so terrifying.
xxx

[Littleonefirsttime]

Hi @notinthestarsigns. I am so sorry to hear of this. I can’t imagine finding out as far as that - that must have been awful for you. Hope you’re okay. Thanks for sharing. Any advice for trying to get over it? Xx

[june2007]

I did the wait and see natural approach. Nothing.
Then Chemical.. still nothing then op. It was a pain as it went on for a long time.(they thought they saw as sign of growth then decided not.) For me it was not very painful and the op was an in and out job. But I was led to believe I am the exception rather then the norm.

[pixienewbie]

@Littleonefirsttime
I went for the medical management which they inserted on Monday and then I came home. I bled for a few hours but had no pain and I don’t think I have miscarried. I have a follow up scan tomorrow and they said I can have a second dose but think I’m going to request surgery. My body has been clinging onto this baby for 8 weeks now and it seems resistant to let go.
They did offer me a scan photo but I didn’t accept.
I never knew what a long process this would be and it has been tough but all the nurses and sonographers I have met have been so understanding and really helpful.
Please ask away any more questions. xx

[gypsywater]

Sorry you are going through this. It is awful and such a shock
I found out at 9+4 that I had a MMC and it ended up happening naturally for me at 10+4 (last week) between my two scan appts.
I've heard you usually get the tablets there and then at the second scan appt if that is rhe option you prefer.

[bumpyknuckles]

About a month ago I found out at a scan at 10+4 that my pregnancy had ended at 6 weeks. I also had to have a second scan 10 days later to confirm. Immediately after the second scan, they discussed the options with me - all options were available including surgery, although I would have had to wait 5 days for this due to waiting lists. I went for MVA (like the surgery but awake) the same afternoon. I imagine they would have offered medical management on the same day if that's what I'd wanted.

Sorry you're going through this - it's really shit.

[Littleonefirsttime]

@june2007 that sounds like such a long and painful process. Thanks for sharing. Glad there wasn’t much physical pain for you.
@pixienewbie I am sorry the tablets don’t seem to have worked - I can see their appeal if they’re offered there and then. I keep reading though they’re pretty ineffective. That’s fair enough about the scan photo too. Hope you’re okay and that you’re recovering mentally, physically and emotionally from everything.
@gypsywater so sorry to hear of your story too. That is interesting to know that they could be offered there and then.
@bumpyknuckles so sorry to hear of your loss too. What was the MVA like? What is the recovery process like?

[bumpyknuckles]

The MVA was ok - a bit uncomfortable and unpleasant, but not painful. I didn't fancy medical management because I've got a toddler at home and didn't want to deal with bleeding etc with her around.

Recovery has been fine so far - some pain and cramping for 2/3 days after, and a bit of bleeding (like a light period). I've had spotting off and on since then.

[Starlight39]

So sorry for your loss, OP. I had medical management twice, the first time was after 2 weeks waiting to see if my body miscarries naturally but it didn’t. The first time I took them, they let me just take the pessaries home there and then so that I could insert them a few days later when my DS was away. The second time the nurse wouldn’t give me the pessaries and I had to return on the morning I wanted to take them. The original nurse was there and couldn’t understand why the other one hasn’t just let me take them home 2 days before! They gave me a codeine prescription both times and I took that along with ibuprofen and paracetamol every 4 hrs plus a hot water bottle. It was painful for around an hour each time but the painkillers dealt with most of it. Both times it was successful with no further issues.

[yellowpolkadots]

Sorry for your loss everyone. I am on the same boat and it is unnerving. I went for my 12 week scan at 12+3 and found out that embryo did not grow beyond 5 weeks and its an incomplete miscarriage. No signs of bleeding or cramping. Im shocked my body has been holding on to it for 8 weeks and I have been offered a second scan next week and all the 3 options. I want to let nature take course but the long wait is very unsettling and wonder if MMC is better. Thankyou for your feedback, knowing more about experiences I can make a choice.

[Littleonefirsttime]

Thanks for sharing all. Such a horrible decision to have to even make. Want it to be over and not over all at the same time.

[pingit]

I had medical management after a missed miscarriage 3 weeks ago. Baby appeared to be 6-7 weeks. Medical management appeared to work well for me - painful for a few hours but I did pass the sac and a couple of clots. However I have been bleeding for 2.5 weeks and follow up scan today showed lots of retained products, and still significant blood flow to them. I'm now booked for a MVA next week.

I felt the medical option was pretty good before, but now I feel frustrated because I have known I've miscarried for over 4 weeks but it's still not resolved and it's quite emotionally exhausting when I just want to move on. In this situation again I'd probably just choose either the MVA or surgical straight away (though as I haven't yet had the procedure I can't accurately comment) x

[Littleonefirsttime]

@pingit - so sorry to hear of you loss. Everyone's experience seems to be different but there are a few people saying the tablets don't always prove to be effective. An operation, in my mind, seems scary and obviously invasive which I almost don't know if I am mentally ready for. I also like the idea of being in the comfort of my own home when the baby goes. I guess I will just have to see how I feel after my appointment on Monday when we discuss the options.
I really hope that you are okay - 4 weeks is such a long time. I am only 4 days into this process and I already feel exhausted, in every single way, by it all. Fingers crossed that your procedure goes well. xx

[emmalou19]

Hi OP, so sorry you're going through this. I had a missed miscarriage late last year where I found out at 12 weeks that it had not grown past 10 weeks. I opted for surgical management, the operation was really straightforward under general anaesthetic, all staff were really lovely and compassionate. I felt a bit drowsy afterwards but there was no pain and physically I felt fine within a day or two. The emotional recovery is hard whichever route you go down but each day will get a little easier. Sending you strength x

[pingit]

@Littleonefirsttime your stance is similar to mine - I was keen to avoid surgery too (I generally avoid all medical intervention unless absolutely necessary), and would have preferred natural management to be honest, but the midwife said it was likely to take months, and in all honestly I'm getting on a bit and wanted to move on so we can think about TTC again.

The medical therefore seemed like the best option for me. I was booked an appt the next day, had 4 pills inserted vaginally, and then had to lie down in the clinic for an hour. After that, I went home, having cramps, and started bleeding 4 hours later. The baby passed after about another 1-2 hours. It was painful, but the painkillers they have me helped a lot, as did a hot water bottle. I only had two painkillers ans didn't need the anti-sickness stuff they gave me. I guess if you're open to it then it's worth a try, given if it does work well it can be straight forward and you can be comfortable at home.

I hope whatever you choose, it's quick and pain free for you xx

[Littleonefirsttime]

@emmalou19 sorry that you’ve been through the same thing but I am glad to hear your operation seemed to go as well as it could have. Hope you’re managing to recover mentally and emotionally from everything.
@pingit yes natural would be best but the wait is so unpredictable, as you say. It’s already been six weeks and I don’t feel like anything is coming any time soon.
Was your partner able to be with you when the tablets were inserted or was this pre Covid time? Your experience sounds fairly positive, if those are even the right or appropriate words, in that it worked. I’ve read a lot of people say the tablets didn’t actually work. Did you have to go back for more checks to see whether all had come out? Sorry for the personal question - you don’t have to respond to that.
X

[pingit]

My medical was 2.5 weeks ago. DH wasn't allowed to be there for the tablets being inserted, but it would have been a waste of his time even if he had. She literally put the tablets up there and then I lay there for an hour.

Yes I've had two scans since. Although the tablets did cause the baby and sac to pass, I have a large amount of retained products so having an MVA next week, hence why if this happens to me again, I personally won't bother having medical management. It has dragged my miscarriage out for well over a month. X

[Bea11]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news @Littleonefirsttime. I had two MMC last year and so understand how heartbreaking it is. I was offered the choice of medical or surgical management both times. The first time I waited a few weeks to see if I would miscarry naturally but I didn't and so opted for the surgery. The second time, I opted for the surgery straight away.

I felt extremely nervous the first time as I'd never had a general anaesthetic before but the care I received was wonderful and I wasn't in pain afterwards, just mild discomfort for the next day or so. I took a week off work each time to recover and I'm so glad I did because I think I needed that time to grieve properly.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it but you will be offered the chance to collect the remains if you do opt for surgery. I had to wait a few weeks but then I got a call to collect them from the EPU. They put them into a beautiful little box and also gave me a memory box, with little trinkets, a poem etc. I'm so glad that I decided to opt to collect them and not have the hospital do it for me. I bought a plant and buried the remains inside, so I always have a little reminder. I know it wouldn't be everyone's choice but I think it's good to know what options are available to you when so much has been taken away. Sending lots of love xx

[Littleonefirsttime]

@bea11 thank you for contacting and I am so sorry that you’ve had to go through this twice.
Did you have a week off after the operation or kind of leading up as well?
I didn’t know anything about remains - my baby is six weeks so do you think this is something that would be offered to me? I’ve only had the initial scan and the follow up is next week but so far I’ve not had anything discussed like a scan even but maybe this is next week.
I like your idea of putting the remains in a plant. I would do something similar I think. Xx

[Littleonefirsttime]

@Bea11 sorry I meant to say not had anything discussed like a scan photo *

[Bea11]

@Littleonefirsttime I had a few days off when I first found out there was no heartbeat at the 12 week scan and then I had a week off after the operation. I was really glad that I took the time to get my head around it all.
My baby was also only measuring around 6 -7 weeks and I was still offered the option to keep the remains. They only discussed it with me once I decided to go ahead with the surgical management. The EPU nurse explained everything really sensitively and answered all the questions I had. I really hope that you have the same experience whichever you route you decide to go down. Also, remember that you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do, so don't feel under any pressure to decide anything on the spot. xx

[Littleonefirsttime]

My work have been great and they’ve let me have this week off so far - since I found out about the baby. It’s been great to have the time to just focus on what’s happening and I don’t think I could just carry on with day to day life knowing what’s inside / about to happen.
I honestly knew nothing about the remains but this I feel has swayed me so I hope I will be offered the same next week - I will definitely ask.
I’ve read some people are under general anaesthetic but some aren’t - do you know what determines whether people are put to sleep or not?
I’ve had this for a little while but I feel it’s got worse this week - my tummy just feels so full and is quite sensitive and sore say if there’s any pressure on it at all or if I make certain movements. Did you have this? Is it just because I am full of God knows what?
Xx

[Bea11]

@Littleonefirsttime I'm so glad that your work are being supportive. Mine were too and it makes the world of difference.

There was no option other than a general anaesthetic at my hospital if having surgical management but maybe some hospitals offer alternatives? Hopefully they'll be able to clearly talk through all the options with you at your next appointment. I would suggest writing down all the questions you have beforehand and taking them in with you. It's so easy to forget what you want to ask when you're there!

Sorry to hear that you're feeling uncomfortable. I don't know about you but my pregnancy symptoms didn't go away and for me that definitely included a bloated, full feeling and my tummy being sensitive when touched. It feels really cruel to still have all the symptoms of being pregnant when you know it isn't going to progress. Thinking of you xxx