Struggling after miscarriage

[rebeccaeve27]

Hi I just wanted to share my feelings on here, I’m not sure if it would help but I don’t feel like I’m coping.

I found out I had a silent miscarriage on 1st September at my 12 week scan, baby had died at 8 weeks 5 days, i had surgical management a week after. Physically I have recovered, the surgery went fine, I got an infection but it was sorted with anti biotics, the bleeding stopped after about a week of the surgery and I’m ok just waiting on my first period now.

But my head is going to pot, I can’t sleep, I’m so sensitive to everything, I can’t stop crying, I can’t stop thinking about everything, not only what’s just happened and being devastated by our loss but I’m questioning my whole life. My relationship, my job, where I live, am I a good mum? (I have an 11 year old son). I’m going insane and I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal?

I’m trying to pre occupy myself, but I’m working from home so it’s hard not having the usual office distractions, I’ve been pushing myself to go out for walks to break the day up and get fresh air, bought a new book, trying to listen to podcasts but I just can’t concentrate on anything.

I feel so’s awful because I know my partner is trying his best to support me, and now my son is noticing my moods. I just don’t want it to affect them

Sorry this post is a bit long winded I just needed to post this somewhere, because I’m putting on a brave face to most people but really I feel like I'm crumbling. Has anyone else felt like this after? Any advice?

[Scirocco]

Sending so much love to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your baby was and is a part of your family, and it's absolutely understandable to be grieving for them. I recently lost my baby too and have been feeling quite similar feelings.

Here are some of the things that have been helpful for me so far:

Talking with my GP - she's been really kind and supportive. GPs can also refer you for additional supports such as talking therapies or let you know about online resources.

Talking with my husband. Turns out, he was feeling similarly, so now we can support each other.

Having a special place to visit. There were walks I would take regularly while pregnant and tell baby about what was all around us. Somehow, going for those walks now helps me feel a bit closer to baby and remember how the pregnancy was a happy time (so it doesn't get overshadowed by the sadness at the end). I also visit a favourite spot out in the country regularly. Some hospitals have memorial services and memorial gardens for babies who have died in pregnancy, and some charities have memorial trees - maybe something like that could help you?

Doing something to mark baby's existence - I wanted something tangible in this world to show that my baby was real, they existed and were loved and their life mattered. Maybe planting a tree, or donating to a charity, or a memory box... Whatever works for you.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Paula2740]

Hi @rebeccaeve27!

I'm so sorry you've been through this. I'm in a similar position, I miscarried naturally at 9 weeks, four weeks ago. I'm going mad waiting for my period actually so well done that you're so patient about it!

I have had PMT-like symptoms, physically and emotionally, for the past two and a half weeks and it's driving me crazy! I was actually dealing ok with the miscarriage, obviously sad, but keen to try again, but now I feel so emotional and sad and like I can't cope with anything.

Personally, I think it's the hormones, obviously combined with the horrible situation. I read somewhere you can get the pregnancy hormones for quite a while after the miscarriage so I think our bodies are all mixed up. It's awful, i was coping so well and now I'm an emotional and physical mess! I think we just have to stick this out and acknowledge our bodies will take a little while to get back to normal. I feel like it's hard to process any of it mentally until I'm feeling a bit more balanced.

@Scirocco sorry for your loss also, very good advice, I hadn't thought about going to the GP, I assumed they wouldn't be that supportive? Possibly depends on where you are.

[Scirocco]

@Paula2740 I'm sorry for your loss - life can feel so cruel at times.

I think I'm lucky that my GP is a lovely person - she's been there for me since my first referral for fertility services so she knew the background and also knew what supports are available. A large part of what GPs manage day to day is people in psychological or emotional distress for various reasons, so if you have a nice GP then it might be worth a try?

[Paula2740]

@Scirocco thanks, yeah maybe I will. I have a new surgery as recently moved house and you can't even call up, have to go online and tell the system what your issue is and then they contact you so it seems a bit like you have to have a serious or concrete medical complaint to even be called up. I had to type out my message when i was having bleeding initially , as I rang up and they refused to speak to me. Not the best way to do it.

But thanks for the advice, I'll have a think about it if things continue as they are. Really pleased to hear your GP is so supportive. I hope you're doing ok. xx

[rebeccaeve27]

@Scirocco @Paula2740 sorry I’m only just replying now I found myself in a social media headlock last week trying to find an answer for the way I feel and had to give myself a break. I just want to say to both of you I’m so sorry for your loss and thank you so much for replying to me. I decided to contact my GP today and have asked for the counselling they originally offered me, someone is going to call me to arrange this, I feel a bit better now I’ve spoken to her and told her how I was feeling, I talk to my partner about everything but I feel a burden constantly going on to him and crying, it felt good talking to someone who I didn’t know if you know what I mean.

@Paula2740 I’m desperate to try again too, I’ve had my period this week but now I’ve had it I don’t know if I’m in the right headspace to try again yet or if we should, my heads all over the place.

I hope your both ok and thanks again for replying to me xxxxx

[Paula2740]

Hi @rebeccaeve27, good to hear you're feeling a bit better! Firstly, don't worry about replying to anything, it's totally understandable you might not have the headspace to talk online, just do what you need to do.

I'm glad you went to your GP, I'm thinking of doing the same as I still havent had my period. It's nearly 6 weeks now but I think it can take a while.. I actually feel similar to you now that I'm not sure I'm in the headspace to try again right now. I think personally maybe I need to wait until I'm ready because the first few weeks (for me anyway,) of pregnancy, were really stressful and I think it's probably best to be a bit more together to deal with that.

Good luck with it all, if you need to post on here again then we're here to chat but don't feel like it's another thing to stress you out. you need to put yourself first right now. xx