Missed miscarriage

[Allyvasco]

Started trying for baby and after a year I gave up. Because of my age I really thought it would never happen. Then I missed my period but put it down to stress or the start of the menopause. Then I started to feel sick in the mornings and had sore boobs. Completely dismissed it. Next period didn't come and my boyfriend said perhaps your pregnant. I laughed it off but was secretly worried. Spent 40mins walking around boots deciding on whether to buy a pregnancy test. Finally had the courage to buy one. I never thought at 47 I'd be buying a test. Did the test and there staring me in the face was positive 3+. I was shaking and crying. I just handed my boyfriend the stick and he was so happy. This would be his first. Next few weeks I did another 3 tests because I just couldn't get my head around it. There's a 5% chance of getting pregnant at my age. My boyfriend wanted to tell the world but I said no lets wait. Morning sickness was awful and I had no appetite. I was consumed with a awful feeling. Then the bump started to show and all my clothes didn't fit around my waist. My boyfriend would kiss my bump at any opportunity. Had my midwife appointment and told her how worried I was. She said everything will be fine. Then my first scan appointment arrived and because of the coronavirus I had to go alone. My boyfriend dropped me at the door all happy and excited. I waited with the other mothers to be and was in tears when they called my name. The sonogram didn't say anything for ages and I keep asking her if everything was ok but no nothing. Then she said they needed to do a internal scan. Her next words was I'm so sorry there's no hearbeat. There on the screen was the sac with the fetus but no movement. I was just over 2 months. I got up and just looked at my bump. How could I be pregnant but not pregnant. My body screamed I was pregnant. I couldn't stop crying. I had no signal in the hospital and my boyfriend was in his happy bubble outside. The thought of telling him broke my heart. I was taken upstairs to see a doctor and told my options. It was like a bad dream. A lovely nurse walked me to find a signal and I was crying so much my boyfriend couldn't understand me. So came running in. I said in a quiet voice there's no hearbeat. We cried together in the middle of the hospital with people trying not to stare at us. The last 3 days have been so difficult. Still got morning sickness and my bump is a constant reminder. My boyfriend has been so upset but he's been my rock. I'm writing his from the hospital ward. I've just started medical miscarriage. I've got to wait two hrs incase I have a allergic reaction to the medication then I can go home. Everyone has masks on and hospital is the last place I want to be. My heart go's out to anyone who's gone through this. Pregnancy should be a happy experience with a happy ending. I honestly don't think I'll ever be the same person again.

[Stabal]

@Allyvasco I am so so sorry. I welled up reading this. I also had a missed miscarriage during this weird time and my fiancé was in the car park waiting happily for our scan picture. We had a scan at around 6+2 and there was a heartbeat detected so it was a huge blow to have seen the little flicker and then nothing at my following scan. It's truly so hard to describe the pain to anyone who hasn't gone through it. I also went down the medical management route and quite honestly it was absolutely brutal for me but I'm keeping everything crossed yours goes smoothly. Sending you love 💜

[Littleblue80]

@Allyvasco, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I too had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks, so I understand exactly what you mean when you talk about the pregnancy symptoms remaining, it seems so cruel, as if the whole process isn't cruel enough. Being alone in hospital is also tough, when you just want your partner for comfort I'm sure. I have no words that will ease the pain, but I know I have started to experience brighter days since the dark day in April, so, although it seems impossible, you will smile again and feel joy again, but forbnow you just have to rest and let yourself grieve. I remember visiting my GP shortly after my miscarriage and she told me not to expect anything of myself for 6 weeks... That I'd be tired and emotional and my hormones will be all over the place.. She was right and I was grateful for the advice. I'm thinking of you and hope the pain eases and the clouds pass.. You'll never be the same again, but I hope you find peace when the time is right. Big hugs xx

[showmethegin]

Hi OP I'm so sorry. I had a miscarriage on Sunday. It was our third in a row and we should have been at our 12 week scan today. I got a bump very early this time and it hasn't gone down yet which is really hard. No advice I just wanted to say you are not alone.