Just over 48 hours ago I thought I was 11+1, and we were very excited for our 12 week scan due next week. We had bought our 1 year old daughter a t shirt saying “I’m going to be a big sister!” And took her to the nearby woods to take some photos to announce to people.
However, when we got back from the woods I noticed I was bleeding. Initially it was just brown, and I was worried but not too much as I’d had brown bleeding at 6 weeks and it was fine, had a scan and saw baby and a little heartbeat going away. Over the course of the night it became red and I started to panic a little.
Phoned EPU again who due to covid refused to scan me again as they knew the pregnancy wasn’t ectopic so told me to wait until next week for the scan. I couldn’t wait a week, so we went for a private scan. The baby was only measuring 7w, and there was no heartbeat. Seeing as we’d seen it 5 weeks previously with a heartbeat we knew instantly it was bad news.
I was devastated, but we came home to deal with it. I spent most of last night googling what to expect.
This morning I woke with cramps at 5am, almost contraction like coming every 4 minutes for about 40 seconds. I went to the toilet and the bleeding was slightly worse, but not awful. Went back to bed and about 6am felt a sudden gush. I ran to the toilet and I cannot explain the amount of blood that quite literally exploded from me.
I wasn’t able to leave the bathroom, I was flooding pads within 3-4 minutes and the blood was running down me. I ended up calling 111 as although I’ve never had a miscarriage before this didn’t feel right. The ambulance crew very kindly spoke to me and calmed me down, but said they’d like to take me to A+E to be checked. Did this, ended up having a funny turn in the ambulance and passing out but the crew said this could well be from the panic.
Admitted to A+E where I was given medication to slow the bleeding, had an ECG and various blood tests, and put on a fluid drip. After a while they moved me to a surgical assessment unit to be seen by the gynaecology team.
Gynae doctor was lovely - he explained he needed to do an internal exam to check what was happening. Exam was very painful, and due to the level of blood he had to keep removing the speculum and trying again.
After the exam he sat down with me and explained he was able to see the pregnancy sac/remains, and had helped manually remove this. He asked if I wanted to see it, and morbid curiosity got the better of me and I did. I had to sign a consent form what they could do with the remains, and opted for initial testing to make sure there was no obvious genetic fault, and after for the remains to be cremated and sprinkled in local cemetery that the hospital works with.
I was sent home after and my husband picked me up. The bleeding is no more than a light period now, I assume due to the sheer volume I lost at the beginning. No one explained why it was so bad for me at the beginning or why I lost so much blood so quickly, but I am relieved that the baby passed out in the hospital so I know for sure, rather than speculating.
I just feel broken now. Totally and utterly heartbroken. My first pregnancy was so so easy, I never thought this would happen. 3 friends of mine are all pregnant and due in the weeks before I would’ve been, and I was so excited to share it with them and have a lovely maternity leave with them and our beautiful babies.
I’m almost out of tears now though. I cried so much yesterday, but with all the drama of today I’ve still not cried and I’m just waiting for that wall of emotion to come crashing down.
I don’t even really know why I’m writing this, I feel like I just need to share it and get my ramblings out.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
MMC - Lost our baby today, just need to vent
21 replies
Lemondropsandgumdrops · 20/05/2020 17:51
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