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MMC - Lost our baby today, just need to vent

(22 Posts)
Lemondropsandgumdrops Wed 20-May-20 17:51:19

Just over 48 hours ago I thought I was 11+1, and we were very excited for our 12 week scan due next week. We had bought our 1 year old daughter a t shirt saying “I’m going to be a big sister!” And took her to the nearby woods to take some photos to announce to people.

However, when we got back from the woods I noticed I was bleeding. Initially it was just brown, and I was worried but not too much as I’d had brown bleeding at 6 weeks and it was fine, had a scan and saw baby and a little heartbeat going away. Over the course of the night it became red and I started to panic a little.

Phoned EPU again who due to covid refused to scan me again as they knew the pregnancy wasn’t ectopic so told me to wait until next week for the scan. I couldn’t wait a week, so we went for a private scan. The baby was only measuring 7w, and there was no heartbeat. Seeing as we’d seen it 5 weeks previously with a heartbeat we knew instantly it was bad news.

I was devastated, but we came home to deal with it. I spent most of last night googling what to expect.

This morning I woke with cramps at 5am, almost contraction like coming every 4 minutes for about 40 seconds. I went to the toilet and the bleeding was slightly worse, but not awful. Went back to bed and about 6am felt a sudden gush. I ran to the toilet and I cannot explain the amount of blood that quite literally exploded from me.

I wasn’t able to leave the bathroom, I was flooding pads within 3-4 minutes and the blood was running down me. I ended up calling 111 as although I’ve never had a miscarriage before this didn’t feel right. The ambulance crew very kindly spoke to me and calmed me down, but said they’d like to take me to A+E to be checked. Did this, ended up having a funny turn in the ambulance and passing out but the crew said this could well be from the panic.

Admitted to A+E where I was given medication to slow the bleeding, had an ECG and various blood tests, and put on a fluid drip. After a while they moved me to a surgical assessment unit to be seen by the gynaecology team.

Gynae doctor was lovely - he explained he needed to do an internal exam to check what was happening. Exam was very painful, and due to the level of blood he had to keep removing the speculum and trying again.

After the exam he sat down with me and explained he was able to see the pregnancy sac/remains, and had helped manually remove this. He asked if I wanted to see it, and morbid curiosity got the better of me and I did. I had to sign a consent form what they could do with the remains, and opted for initial testing to make sure there was no obvious genetic fault, and after for the remains to be cremated and sprinkled in local cemetery that the hospital works with.

I was sent home after and my husband picked me up. The bleeding is no more than a light period now, I assume due to the sheer volume I lost at the beginning. No one explained why it was so bad for me at the beginning or why I lost so much blood so quickly, but I am relieved that the baby passed out in the hospital so I know for sure, rather than speculating.

I just feel broken now. Totally and utterly heartbroken. My first pregnancy was so so easy, I never thought this would happen. 3 friends of mine are all pregnant and due in the weeks before I would’ve been, and I was so excited to share it with them and have a lovely maternity leave with them and our beautiful babies.

I’m almost out of tears now though. I cried so much yesterday, but with all the drama of today I’ve still not cried and I’m just waiting for that wall of emotion to come crashing down.

I don’t even really know why I’m writing this, I feel like I just need to share it and get my ramblings out.

OP’s posts: |
dreaming97 Wed 20-May-20 21:23:33

I'm so sorry you went through this. I had a miscarriage on the 13th March, the day of our 12 week scan. I called my midwife the morning of the MC and it went to voicemail, I phoned EPU and they said to wait until my scan at 2pm at which they confirmed the baby was only measuring 9 weeks. We got ahead of ourselves and started getting the nursery ready (naivety and 1st pregnancy got the better of us) which I'm now having to use that room to work from home. I only wish I had done what you have and expressed my feelings when it had initially happened, and I really think you're so brave in doing so. Going through a MC is the worst feeling I've ever had so please free feel to vent and talk it out! Just know it's nothing you have done and you're the bravest, strongest person thanks

Thisbastardcomputer Wed 20-May-20 21:34:32

I'm very sorry, I have gone through this and it's devastating, it's many years ago now. I just hope your luck is better next time x

zipzap02 Thu 21-May-20 08:27:56

I'm so sorry. Bless you. I'm trying to find
Something I can say and nothing seems right but I really hope
You feel better soon.

Jingles85 Fri 22-May-20 16:38:31

@Lemondropsandgumdrops Im so sorry to read your post. Sounds so similar to what I went through two weeks ago today.

Mine was actually picked up before bleeding at a 10 week scan - baby seemed to have had stopped growing at just over 7 weeks. I opted to let nature take its course and started bleeding at the 11 weeks ish mark.

Like you I had contraction like pain every 4 mins for a few hours early on the 8th may, followed by gushes of blood and tissue loss, so heavy I couldn't leave the bathroom. It went on like this for a few hours and I ended up passing out so got taken to hospital in an ambulance. I totally "get you" when you say it exploded from you- it was shocking to me how if felt and looked.

I was examined and they did pull some stuff out from my cervix but no one could really explain why the bleeding had been so excessive and rapid. It was an IVF pregnancy, my 2nd- 1st ended as an ectopic last September.

Im only 2 weeks on from that day and im definitely experiencing good and bad days. I guess in some ways for me, having been through the ectopic 8 months ago, it sort of set the bar for me so this weirdly hasn't been as hard as that but its still been awful its own way. it does get easier but you have to be patient with yourself and let yourself feel sad when you need to. Look after yourself physically and mentally. I took some iron supplements for about a week after because I was feeling dizzy and they helped. Rest up lots if you can and be kind to yourself.

Squeeze that little one of yours and try not to worry about your friends and their pregnancies. I totally get how it feels to feel like you are being left behind/left out. What is meant for you will come at the right time. There will be brighter days ahead x

Littleblue80 Fri 22-May-20 19:24:23

Hi @Lemondropsandgumdrops, I'm so sorry for your loss. I read your post and it resonated so much with me, I had a mmc on 3rd April, and too was getting to the stage of getting a 'big sister' t shirt for my 17 month old. It's so hard you feel you've lost a baby and a sibling for your little one. It's so cruel that our bodies continue with the pregnancy.. I still have a little bump that I can't shift and it just reminds me of what could have been. I am six weeks on, and am feeling somewhat better, physically and emotionally, but give yourself time to heal, time to grieve and I really hope that brighter days lay ahead for you x

footprintsintheslow Fri 22-May-20 19:35:59

I'm so sorry to read your heart breaking experiences but I'm glad you are on Mumsnet as this was the only thing that kept me sane throughout my horrific experience. You will always find someone here who has been through the same thing, there's always someone who understands on the 'miscarriage board'.

You aren't alone in this. X

Lemondropsandgumdrops Fri 22-May-20 19:56:32

I cannot thank those of you who have replied enough. As awful as it is, and as sorry as I am that you too have experienced this pain, it’s comforting to hear from people who know exactly what it feels like.

I got signed off work today by the GP for at least a week, then I need to call him next week to extend it if I need to. I’m just relieved work doesn’t need to be an issue anymore too.

The physical side is almost gone - the bleeding is similar to a period and I haven’t needed paracetamol at all today. The emotional side has hit me like a truck - I can’t shake the feeling of HOW am I ever going to feel better? I know I will logically, but in this moment I just can’t picture it.

Again though, thank you thank you thank you for your responses. They mean so much flowers x

OP’s posts: |
footprintsintheslow Fri 22-May-20 20:15:24

The physical side was the least of it for me. Emotionally there was a whole other journey and it will always be with you. Sadness, shock, anger, horror, devastation, bitterness were some of the words I would use to describe it.
Everyday you will feel different. It's exhausting and then it gets less exhausting until it's bearable. And then one day you'll be here helping other women. Xxx

TheSweetestHalleluja Sat 23-May-20 12:02:58

I'm so sorry, emotionally it is just so heart breaking, especially when you've been so excited and planning how to announce, and thinking about your older child becoming a big brother/sister. Grieving is a long and lonely process, but it does get better in time, you will start to heal emotionally, you'll never forget this little one though, he or she will always be in your heart.

ew1990 Sat 23-May-20 21:37:41

I'm so sorry all you ladies are going or have been through this heartbreaking time.

I went for a scan today should've been 10+4 and heartbeat stopped at 9+1 so thought I could join for some support if that's ok?

The grief is unreal and I can't stop crying.

Lemondropsandgumdrops Sat 23-May-20 22:27:59

@ew1990 I’m so sorry you’ve have to go through this too. Please, do join and I hope you too feel some support from this thread.

I know what you mean - the grief is totally overwhelming. I can’t stop thinking about that empty scan and no heartbeat. I’m only 4 days in so probably don’t have great advice, but all I can say is cry all you need to. Be angry. Be sad. Be broken. Don’t bottle up your feelings, what has happened to us is awful sad

OP’s posts: |
ew1990 Sat 23-May-20 22:33:19

Oh I know. I'm booked in for the pessary on Tuesday. I'm devastated as is DP. I went to bed last night thinking everything was ok and today I just have these waves of extreme sadness

Im just so grateful to already have a DD. Gunna hug her extra tight.

Emh1 Sun 24-May-20 10:24:25

@Lemondropsandgumdrops yesterday I went through near enough the exact same situation as you sad I was 11+3 and was due to have my scan this Wednesday however had started bleeding so EPU asked me to go in to be checked. She confirmed I had lost the baby. I’m broken absolutely broken. I have a 5 year old and my first pregnancy was perfect from start to finish, I didn’t even have contractions with him. All I keep thinking is why? Why did this happen? It took us over 6 months to conceive and now I feel like I have to start all over again and what if it happens again? I’m so sorry anyone else that has/is going through this sad

Lemondropsandgumdrops Sun 24-May-20 11:09:13

@ew1990 I know what you mean about giving your eldest extra tight hugs. I’ve been the same - honestly I think I’d have been so much worse had I not had her, she’s the thing getting me up each morning and trying to be ‘normal’. How are you feeling about the pessary on Tuesday? I hope you’re okay sad

@emh1 I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. It’s awful when the last pregnancy was so easy, I’m the same, and just wondering why this one didn’t work out the same. I keep wondering why and if there’s anything I could’ve done differently but everything I’ve seen says this is just one of those very horrible, unfortunate things that happen and nothing could have stopped it. I hope it happens again quickly for you, if that’s what you want ❤️

OP’s posts: |
ew1990 Sun 24-May-20 11:35:09

Well it's been changed to Thursday now. I just wish it would happen naturally before then. I don't really know how I feel. Don't feel anything at the moment just numb x

Lemondropsandgumdrops Sun 24-May-20 12:34:04

@ew1990 it might still happen naturally for you. When I had my scan Tuesday and was only spotting and found out baby had passed they told me it could take up to 3 weeks for it to happen naturally. I agreed if it hadn’t within a week I’d go for medical management, but it happened naturally the next day.

Numb is normal I think. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too x

OP’s posts: |
ew1990 Sun 24-May-20 13:00:08

@lemon so sorry your going through this too. Its hard when you had all sorts of plans in your head. X

Lemondropsandgumdrops Sun 24-May-20 13:39:18

@ew1990 I think that’s the hardest part for me. Knowing we had all these plans that now won’t happen. Our baby was due the 7th December (I think - we obviously never made it to the dating scan but I’m fairly confident on my own dates) and we were so excited for a Christmas as a new family of 4. I’d imagined my little girl running around with me holding her new baby brother or sister. So many times I’d thought about things as a family of four and it’s really, really hard to let go of that.

OP’s posts: |
ew1990 Sun 24-May-20 14:19:53

Mine would've been around the 15th december so not far behind you. Yep I had all those visions too x

footprintsintheslow Sun 24-May-20 20:37:29

The disappointment is horrendous and that will come and go for a time. Remember you aren't ever alone in this.
Each day you get through this is a positive step forward. Try not to expect too much of yourselves too soon.

peajotter Sun 24-May-20 20:50:31

@Lemondropsandgumdrops you are spot on about all the plans that won’t happen. That was the hardest bit for me. I had two in a row at 10 weeks and I found it very hard both times to change my mindset from pregnant to ttc. Changing holiday plans, childcare plans for my older kids, even house move was hard to get my head around. It was a constant reminder of what we would have been doing if the baby had been here. Friends who were due at the same time were really hard to hang out with.

It does get easier with time. We have two plants in pots that flower at the time we lost our two. Every year we remember but I don’t cry any more.

If you’ve lost a lot of blood then get your iron levels checked. I was very low on iron for months after both mine, and it makes life so much harder. Sending love and healing prayers.

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