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Recurrent miscarriage - hopes, fears and more hopes

(54 Posts)
karma Mon 17-Sep-07 12:46:50

Hi there.
Have been asked to start a new thread for those of us who have unfortunately experienced several miscarriages and need some mumsnet support, whether that be for some good old TLC or to share experiences (hopes and fears) of going for further investigations.
My story for those that don't know - I am 38 and have two ds (5 and 2). Starting trying for a third beg of this year and have just had my third misc (had others in Feb and May). Am due to go to recurrent misc clinic in Nov for investigations.
It's a hard place to be. Do we call it a day, grateful for what we have (which we are), or carry on, hoping that our luck will change? Don't expect to make any decisions until after the appt. but emotionally it is getting harder (maybe because this misc wasn't picked up until booking scan and my others had been early at 5 weeks). Really thought this time it would be alright. Feeling so empty and worried about the future. I know many others of you are feeling the same. Hope we all get some support here (sorry for rambling).

natydee Mon 17-Sep-07 13:19:47

hi i have 3 children and have lost 3 im 27 today and lost twins 2 weeks ago i was supposed to take a pregnancy test today to make sure it is neg following an erpc on the fourth of this month just cant face up to it.i still havent grieved yet and i dont know when it will hit me .it was unplanned but we started to get happy and then everything went wrong. i feel the same about being gratefull for what you have but now we want to maybe start trying for another one. i am scared if things go wrong again because both times ive had to have an operation .its nice to know your not the only one going through this but at the same time it is really lonely

Uki Mon 17-Sep-07 13:51:31

Hi karma, Hi natydee
sorry to hear of your m/c's

I hope this is appropriate to ask, you both sound a little similar to me, and others i read about.
I have had 3m/c's too, and have 2ds's. I would like another child but i'm paranoid about the whole m/c thing.
My question is do you think it is possible to m/c one particular sex. I'm just thinking i m/c girls, i also read of others who seem to have all girls and then a few m/c's. Do you ever think this? or am i being crazy ?
Nothing much has been diagnosed with me, and i have been tested for everything. So i wonder what causes them.

Springflower Mon 17-Sep-07 21:42:07

Hi everyone - sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I have had 2 mc then 3 DS's and then 2 mc and I have wondered about whether it is related to the sex of the baby. With 2 of my mc I was really bad tempered while pregnant and thought it was a girl both times. Dont know if its just part of whole trying to find a reason though .....My last 2 mc have been while I am 42 so also aware it might just be an age thing for me. Anyway, I have given up now and decided to stick with what I have but good luck for those who keep trying.

karma Tue 18-Sep-07 15:51:41

Hi natydee, so sorry to hear about your recent loss, you must be devastated. I totally understand how scared you feel wondering if things will go wrong again. Sending you lots of hugs. XXX

Hi Uki, Sorry to hear that you're going through this too.
Yes interesting point, I have heard this said before but don't know if there's any truth in it. Maybe someone more knowledgeable will post. Can I ask how old you are? Also have all the misc been after your ds's?

Hi springflower, sorry to hear about your misc. This whole sex thing is really interesting. I guess it doesn't always happen though otherwise families would never have boys and girls in them, IYSWIM. Maybe the risk is just increased.

What do people know about antiphospholipid syndrome and how common is it?

imopop Tue 18-Sep-07 18:22:47

Hi
Thought I would join in. I have had six miscarriages after having a healthy girl. My last one 3 months ago at 9 and half weeks which was a missed miscarriage and resulted in an ERPC.
As far as I am aware there is no medical evidence in relation to the sex of the baby. I have just been to St. Mary's recurrent miscarriage clinic and have lots of tests done for clotting disorders. I saw Mr.Raj Rai who is a lovely guy and extremely experienced in this area.
It is difficult to decide whether to continue but you have to do what is best for you.
Perhaps we can all support each other.
Good Luck everyonexx

Uki Wed 19-Sep-07 08:12:37

Hi All

Someone has set up a survey of my very question here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1366/388086

Imopop- Hi there, you poor hun, 6 is alot to go through and EPRPC are the worst arn't they? I know there doesn't seem to be any concrete evidence on my question, there just seems to be alot of examples of it, but maybe i'm looking. did you actually ask recurrent m/c clinic about this.

Karma - i'm 32 and ds2 is only 1 month old, so i'm jumping the gun a little but you just don't get over your losses do you? everyone i know in RL has no problems with m/c's and most of my friends are 6-10 years older.
i had 2 m/c's then ds then mmc at 12 weeks then ds2, so very scared about it all happening again.

karney Thu 20-Sep-07 09:51:54

I,m 38 and have had 3 m/c in the last year. No kids. All my tests are back and ok. Age? Bad luck? nobody knows. I feel scared at the prospect of more m/cs or worst still no kids. I wish there was an explanation for them sometimes and something I could "fix" but on the other hand I glad I,m healthy. Oh it's been a tough year but i,m trying to stay as positive as possible. my best wishes to you all, keep strong xxx

karma Thu 20-Sep-07 21:19:23

Hi karney,
I'm really sorry to hear what you've been going through, it must be so hard for you. At least as you say you are healthy and there seems no particular reason for the mcs. Good luck for the future and keep in touch. XXXX

Hi imopop, sorry that you've had such a hard time with recurrent misc. I can certainly identify with those feelings of not knowing whether to carry on or not. It is so hard isn't it? I'm sure that whatever decision you make will be the right one for you, and wish you lots of luck for the future. XXXX

missworry Fri 21-Sep-07 02:04:30

Hi KARNEY I'm so sorry to hear of you miscarriages. I'm really humbled by your ability to be so positive. I'm in a similar situation to you 38 and no children. I have only had one miscarriage and that's been devastating enough. I am extremely depressed and anxious still, and feel so guilty.

What strategies do you use to cope?

Charlee Fri 21-Sep-07 07:26:04

I don't know if this helps anyone but between my 2 kids i had 7 misscarriages in the space of 2 yrs. My dr told me it was good that i could actually fall pregnant it wouls be worse if i couldn't concieve at all.

I was given a very low dose asprin to take during my first 3 12 weeks of my pg with ds2 and he is now a bouncy 10 month old baby.

Keep strog ladies. and hugs to you all smile

karney Fri 21-Sep-07 08:45:14

Hi misworry, It,s been a long road and i,ve not always felt positive, so don,t give yourself a hard time on top of everything else for feeling the way you do. I eventually decided to tell people, who I felt could handle it, what I was going through.Lots of people shared back their experiences (men + women). It,s a bereavement, why not tell poeople? I also go to a M/c counseller who has helped a great deal when talking about the real nitty gritty stuff.I got put in touch wth them through the hospital.I know how you,re feeling,but let yourself greave and you can move on. I admit that some days are better than others but I,m trying not to be scared of a future than hasn,t happened yet. I wish everyone lots of love and hope. keep well, x

katendmom Sun 23-Sep-07 18:34:21

Hi, just went through a mc (via D&C) a couple of weeks ago and as all of you - am trying to find answers. It was actually me who posted that thread about DD or DS after mc smile.

We lost our DD at 35 wks pg (stillborn)... went on to have a healthy DS (19 mnth now). When got pg again, we were sure it was a girl (actually our little DD deciding to come back - how pathetic are we? sad)...

After my D&C, I asked my doc to send everything to the lab for chromo/ genetic testing to see if I can find out what might have caused this mc. They warned me that I might end up paying a small fortune for this "investigation." Oh well, it is worth it for us.

The results are not back yet - should be in around mid-Oct. I have also decided to find out whether it was another girl (I must be masochistic (spelling?)... So I will let you know my end of story just so we can further looking into this whole "same gender" theory. Seems likely to me... of course it's not 100% but probably a higher percentage?

Good luck to all of you in whatever decision you have made! Just one thought that my friend shared with me - lo can go on and break your heart not even meaning to... they can do it at 5 wks, 12 wks, 35 wks, when they're first born or then at 45 years old... But they can also fill your life with so much happiness and joy... Take it for what it's worth - but it gave me a perspective to hang on to smile

Uki Tue 25-Sep-07 12:51:05

Hi

Karney and miss worry, so sorry to hear about the loses of your LO's sad I remember the feeling and worry of never having children too well. I wish i could say it all went away when you do have them, and of course it does to an large extent, but you still always wonder and wish they were here too. Though I wouldn't have believed this before them either. hmm

On a more positive note
I agree with charlee and think the asprin is a good idea, it can only be of benefit and worth a shot. I took it against the advice of recurrent m/c clinic and wonder if it would of helped earlier. i'm also a big advocate of vitamins for both you and dh/dp before conception and after. pg is a hugely depleting process so i believe some of us just need extra stores, there is research to support this.

On an emotional note the threads on here for TTC after m/c, pg after m/c are a lifesaver if you haven't discovered them already.

Kateandmom- so sorry for your lose of DD sad and your recent m/c.
Thank you for your study. It was very sad and insightful at the same time. i think about this constantly as a reason for my m/c's it would be easier to believe they were just bad luck though.
I think it is a good idea to have your baby tested, any information will help for the future. I have also skim read a bit of hogwarts thread, you are very kind to and considerate. i hope it works out for her, such a hard situation i don't know what to say to her to help.

wishing everyone happy healthy vibes x

ladylush Thu 27-Sep-07 11:26:55

Hi everyone - so sad to read of your losses. Some of you I have already met on other threads.

I have had 3 m/c in 18 months. I have a 3 yr old ds. I am ttc again. Was seen by recurrent m/c clinic but nothing of note has been unearthed. APAs came back normal. Chromosome tests take 13 weeks so still waiting for those. I have also heard of aspirin being helpful and will take it when pregnant again. Apparently folate is very important too.

karma Thu 27-Sep-07 19:33:04

Hi ladylush,
Really sorry to hear of your losses.
Just wondered how you feel right now trying to conceive again (if you don't mind me asking). When was your last mc? My third was beg of Sept and don't know yet whether I can face the agony of going through it all again, but with my situation I guess it is all so recent. It's all so stressful isn't it?
Will you be taking aspirin on anyone's advice, or is that your decision? I presume they haven't found any clotting problems in your case. Hope you don't mind all these questions. I really wish you luck for the future pregnancy as and when it happens.

katendmom - thanks for sharing those words from a friend, it really hit home to me, and made me think that maybe it is worth carrying on trying. Will just have to wait and see.

ladylush Fri 28-Sep-07 09:01:17

Hi Karma - very sad to hear about your m/c esp as it is so recent sad The advice re aspirin was from a friend (who is an obs/gynae consultant who lives overseas now). He said junior dose of aspirin (75mg)won't be harmful even if no apparent clotting issue (apparently some women have blood problems that are not detected).For me, it has always been a compulsion to try again straight away (well, after the first period)and I think we all deal with it differently. I will worry when I get a bfp of course, but I would rather deal with that than not try again. I think I would get more frequent scans next time though as I had none between 8-12 weeks and the pg failed just after the 8 week one. It was horrible thinking that I had been carrying a dead baby for 4 weeks sad

Squiffy Fri 28-Sep-07 09:11:27

I am another person who is absolutely convinced of the wonders of low-dose aspirin. My gynae - like the others - told me that it couldn't possibly do any harm and might make the difference (so long as I stopped taking it at 32 weeks PG). You can buy it over the counter at Boots. In her view the blood clot tests are not yet accurate enough to discount clotting as a potential problem in M/C's.

I had 7 m/cs when I didn;t take aspirin and 2 healthy children when I did.

Good luck to Karma and others going through the trauma of miscarriage.

ladylush Fri 28-Sep-07 09:17:10

That's interesting squiffy. Did you take the aspirin as soon as you got a bfp? Very sorry to hear of the 7 m/c by the way sad sadI bet your lo's are even more precious to you after what you went through.

Squiffy Fri 28-Sep-07 09:23:51

LL - yes, you start taking the aspirin as soon as you know you are PG. I had all the tests done (including the bloodclotting ones) and they all came back negative, but my gynae and I are convinced it was the aspirin that made the difference... I am quite surprised that this isn't recommended more often.. I guess it's another of those situations where doctors can't recommend something officially because it hasn't gone through all the required medical trials and so on..

ladylush Fri 28-Sep-07 09:45:17

well after 7 m/c you have enough personal research to have an opinion sad It has made me even more convinced to take aspirin as soon as I get a bfp

honey8 Fri 11-Apr-08 15:26:57

I've just suffered my 3rd missed miscarriage this week and 4th erpc (they had to do it twice once!). I'm booked in for the blood tests etc but don't know whether to wait for the results before ttc. Three months seems a long time when we've been trying for over 18 months to have a successful pregnancy! Any advice appreciated!

Julezboo Fri 11-Apr-08 16:16:24

Honey - sorry your going through this.

I just had my second ERPC for this pregnancy loss. It was my 7th xxx

not sure this thread is active anymore so didnt want to leave you unanswered

teachertalk Tue 08-Jul-08 21:16:07

I know no-one has posted on this thread for a while. I have just had my third MMC ( Dand C yesterday). I have been referred for tests and will definately be trying the aspirin next pg. (I too have a compulsion to try again straight away - time ticking away, etc). It is so reassuring to read all your experiences as I know no-one who has had more than 1 miscarraige to share with.

worrybum Tue 08-Jul-08 21:18:51

HI TT ((((((hugs)))))) to you. know how ou must be feeling right now. Hope you are taking it easy and looking after yourself right now. There are lots of us on mn who have gone through this if you need to talk x

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