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Trying again

(13 Posts)
newbiejourney Sat 25-Apr-20 12:21:35

Hi, I recently (2weeks ago) had to terminate a pregnancy after anencephaly was discovered at the 12 week scan. It's been a devastating time, however I want to get pregnant again as soon as I can and wondering if anyone has experience of this? I was told to wait until I've had at least one period, but I do want to try before this?
I had a surgical termination, and the baby would have been my 2nd. Also on a prescribed higher dose of folic acid. I'm aware that me wanting to try again so quickly is probably a coping mechanism for my grief.

Thanks in advance.x

OP’s posts: |
tryingtimes20 Sat 25-Apr-20 13:03:20

Hi newbie, so sorry to hear what you've had to go through. What an awful experience.

However, a tiny bit of good news for you - unless you were explicitly told because of medical reasons (partial/full molar, ectopic... etc) that you should wait, then the advice to wait one period is given only for dating purposes. Infact, there can even be some benefits to getting pregnant again sooner after a MC than later. Here is advice from Tommy's, the Miscarriage Association and the NHS that backs this up.

As such, if what happened was just as a result of bad luck, and no underlying condition, then there is no reason you can't try again sooner if you feel emotionally and physically ready. You should always make sure any bleeding you might have been experiencing has fully stopped before putting anything in your vagina, but otherwise that's it.

Wishing you all the best xx

newbiejourney Sat 25-Apr-20 13:48:22

Hi, thanks so much for this, it's really helpful. No, no medical reasons, it was just awful luck. I am still bleeding on and off (and very lightly) so will wait until that has fully stopped. Thanks again x

OP’s posts: |
tryingtimes20 Sat 25-Apr-20 13:58:06

You're more than welcome flowers and I just realised that I was referring to your situation as a MC, when it was a TFMR - so sorry, MC on the brain atm! All the advice/guidance still stands; I think it applies in any situation where a pregnancy has unfortunately ended early, per the previous caveats xx

Elouera Sat 25-Apr-20 13:59:53

Sorry to hear that OP. I had a TFMR for my 1st pregnancy due to patau syndrome (trismomy 13) at 11 weeks. I know the want/need to TTC asap. I was advised we can TTC as soon as the bleeding had stopped 2 complete day- I found it started, stopped, started again etc, but I had medical management and ended up bleeding for 2mths!

It might been anecdotal, and I've never been able to find any medical literature, but there are many ladies on here that have conceived again without a period, then gone on to MC. There are of course cases which have gone to term, but seems far more have not. It seem the body does need time to recover.

Have you had the histology report back as yet? Are you and OH having any testing done? You might find having a little commemoration can bring some closure for you. Buy a special candle, pot plant, memory box etc. Write a poem about your feelings, you and OH say some words, plant the flower and light a candle. There are more ideas from the links sent by the previous poster. Sending hugs and thinking of you x

tryingtimes20 Sat 25-Apr-20 14:12:26

On the bleeding note, as @Elouera has said, if it is stop-starty, then I found some more information (ostensibly from the NHS, although I couldn't find a direct source) that says if you do want to resume intimacy before it's fully resolved, you should do so using protection.

This is obviously no good for TTC purposes, but the guidance on bleeding is to avoid introducing any nasties to your cervix whilst it's recovering, and hence using protection can negate that risk. I know it's frustrating, but it's best to make sure you're healed up fully before trying again if you can xx

Elouera Sat 25-Apr-20 14:18:19

@tryingtimes20- I was advised NOT to insert anything into the vagina at all whilst still bleeding- a penis with a condom, dildo, tampons and not even have a bath or use a spa. The uterine lining is very raw and the cervix is still open, hence they say to wait. Especially after your surgical procedure, the uterine lining is scraped, so not worth the risk of an infection. Condoms are also not sterile, plus if OH squeezes the teet, or touches it, there is bacteria instantly on the outside.

I know its hard, but you really need to wait till bleeding has completely stopped, for at least 2 days straight.

tryingtimes20 Sat 25-Apr-20 14:28:09

@Elouera I think it's OK to have a bath whilst you're still bleeding (the advice I was given was to use a shower for the first 24h, but otherwise it's fine after that, sans perfumed bath products) but I definitely agree with you that the headline is it's best to wait to put anything inside yourself until you're 100% recovered. I can understand people's frustrations if they are still experiencing a few drops after many weeks of waiting though!

Elouera Sat 25-Apr-20 14:47:55

Yes, I bled for 2, whole months!!! I wasn't advised to do a repeat pregnancy test, and didn't realise that 2mths was excessive. I just wanted it over, because each toilet visit was a reminder of what had happened.

Anyways, look after yourself and seek advice if you feel you aren't getting on with day to day things, and the thought of what happened is becoming all consuming flowers

MashAndChips Sat 25-Apr-20 20:29:19

Hello @newbiejourney, firstly I'm so very sorry about your TFMR. It's so horribly unfair. flowers

The exact same thing happened to me last March - our 12 week scan showed that our baby was very ill with severe hydrops due to full Turners Syndrome (which was discovered after a post mortem). Also would've been my second child, no reason for it except terrible luck.

We were incredibly blessed to fall pregnant again only three weeks after the TFMR (only one week after I had stopped bleeding from the procedure) - my second little girl is now nearly four months old and is wonderfully healthy and happy. smile I never had a period between pregnancies either, the only thing that was an issue was dating how far along I was.

Best of luck to you OP, it's a really horrible thing to have to go through. Look after yourself. ❤️

Jamjar18 Sat 25-Apr-20 21:00:01

Really sorry to hear this, I didn’t have a TFMR but I did have a miscarriage 5 weeks ago. I have started TTC again straight away. I haven’t had a period but got negative tests so my cycle is clearly a little bit out. I heard that waiting was purely for dating purposes, I’ve just started doing a test every few days until it’s either positive or I get my period. I couldn’t bring myself to wait a month.

newbiejourney Sat 25-Apr-20 22:20:18

Thanks so much for all of your advice, lots to take in. I don't know anyone IRL who has been through anything similar, so it's reassuring to hear from those of you who have, and sorry that you've had to deal with this too 💐💐. I suppose that everything just feels a bit heightened at the moment with everything that's going on, so I'm stuck in the house just thinking about it constantly, and as much as I'm desperate to be pregnant again ASAP, I'm also terrified!!

I'll definitely be waiting until I'm 100% sure the bleeding has stopped before having sex again so I don't risk any damage or infection. Thanks for the support and advice 💕💕 xx

OP’s posts: |
1stbabs Sat 25-Apr-20 22:41:38

Hi OP, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I had a TFMR for severe spina bifida (also a neural tube defect) at 19 weeks last year so I know what you're going through. My consultant told me to wait for three months while taking the higher dose folic acid before trying again, and this reduces the risk of it happening again from 4% to 1.5%. I've also been taking inositol, which has been used in a few small studies to possibly prevent NTDs.

I'm lucky enough to have fallen pregnant again first cycle and hoping to find out that this is a healthy baby. I promise that things will feel better, and I wish you all the luck in the world ❤️

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