Empty sac @ 13 weeks

[anon0704]

I went for my dating scan and all they found was an empty sac. I went for a medically managed miscarriage and everything went pretty textbook. This was my first miscarriage. I have an 8 year old son.

I'm struggling with a few things. Mostly the unexpected relief I'm feeling of not having to go through pregnancy during this uncertain time, but also relief that there wasn't a baby there, if you know what I mean? I mourn the memory of what we had, but I feel it would have been "worse" if there had been something there inside the sac. I suppose I'm just trying to see if my thoughts are normal.

We do plan to TTC again as soon as I'm healed and I know the odds are in our favor for a healthy pregnancy to come, but I even feel guilty about wanting to move forward. I know the baby things we've purchased already will be used (we haven't got many), but when I think my head is clear, I start to feel the guilt again. I am scared of this happening again, but I'm trying to be rational.

Sorry for the ramble.

[Losgann]

I feel the same sense of relief that you describe anon, I can't help feeling that a miscarriage where a baby had formed and died would be worse.

Sorry you have to go through this too though. I'm not sure yet if I will try again but I have read it's very unlikely to happen a second time. Take care x

[crosser62]

I get what you mean with the relief but if anyone would have said to me “ well, there was never a baby there “ I would have been really upset.

It’s like someone is saying that it wasn’t a proper pregnancy and minimising the gravity of the miscarriage some how.

I felt very very pregnant despite there being no baby there and for me, until the moment found out, I was going to have a baby.

It’s a cruel twist isn’t it.
So sorry that this is happening to you

[Losgann]

You're right crosser, I didn't mean to sound flippant. It only happened for me on Thursday and it's been a horribly abrupt change from getting ready to tell everyone our happy news to coming to terms with the fact that there won't be a baby after all.

[crosser62]

Yes that’s an awful aspect.

[anon0704]

I suppose I know there was a baby there at one point, but I don't know what would have been better or worse. If someone said it to me, I might be upset, but to rationalize it in my head...I don't know.

I'm developing a lot of anxiety now. Worried something is going to happen to my partner before we can try again, scared something is gonna happen to my son (he has a heart condition, so this virus could be bad for him, we just don't know). I feel myself closing off.

[Vebrithien]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

I've had both in the last year, a missed miscarriage, found at 12 weeks, when the foetal heart had stopped at 9 weeks, and an empty sac, suspected at 7 weeks, confirmed at 9 weeks. The blighted ovum/empty sac was 3 months after the MMC.

Surgical management for both.

Honestly, I felt the same as you at the empty sac, and I remember saying to my mum, that at least this time, my baby hadn't died, it had just been my hopes and dreams that had gone. Both times were awful, and I wouldn't wish either on my worst enemy.

What really helped was the bereavement midwife at my hospital, plus the miscarriage association.

Regardless of whether your sac was empty or not, you've lost a pregnancy, and all of the surrounding hoped and dreams for that life that went with it. Please, make sure you take enough time for yourself, and allow yourself time to grieve, however you need to.

As an upside to my story, I got pregnant for a third time on the last year, and am now 25 weeks and being kicked black and blue with a very active baby.

Take care of yourself.

[anon0704]

That is so encouraging to hear. This is the first time I've had a miscarriage. I'm hoping so very much it's the last time.

[ovener]

I felt the same as you when this happened to me. Grieving for a baby that wasn't there. In my case the miscarriage occurred at home after a scan and I was relieved to know there would be no baby to see in the sac. I just wanted to mention, re. your anxiety ramping up, that I had another horrible wave of emotion a couple of weeks after my miscarriage which I put down to raging hormones. So it could be that you are feeling a little out of control emotionally because your hormones are still sorting themselves out, and it will pass soon. I don't want to dismiss your feelings, I just want to reassure you that it could be a temporary thing with a chemical explanation. What helped me was talking it through with friends, so if you can have a nice long phone chat with someone that might help!

[anon0704]

Thank you :-) My friends and my partner have been out of this world amazing. My partner, especially, has been so encouraging. He's speaking to friends as well as me, so I'm so glad he's healing in his own way.

[anon0704]

Bleeding has slowed after about a week. I hope this is the end.

[ovener]

That's a great sign! I hope everything gets back to normal for you soon and you can look to the future. Glad to hear you and your partner are being supported too, it really can make all the difference just having a good old chat.

[anon0704]

Cramping has finally subsided after yesterday. It’ll have been a week since I had the pills inserted.

[calimommy]

When I told my mother there was no heart beat she asked "oh was it a real pregnancy or a fake one?" It made me so cross tbh. Although I understand what you mean OP by 'relief of an empty sac', calling it a fake pregnancy is dreadful and implies the person was faking their pregnancy. I'm currently waiting to miscarry although the baby was the correct size for dates just no heartbeat.

[anon0704]

@calimommy I'm very sorry for your loss and I'm sorry your mother called it a fake pregnancy. I did not use those words, however, so I hope you're not implying I consider this pregnancy to have been "fake". I know there was a baby there at some point.

[calimommy]

Sorry no I didn't mean you had used those words. I have heard them used before though. All the best for your next pregnancy x