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Missed miscarriage

(23 Posts)
christmasmammy Tue 31-Mar-20 15:48:48

My partner and I recently went for a private scan and were told baby had no heartbeat. NHS confirmed on Monday that baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks +5 days. We are absolutely heartbroken.
I would have been 11 weeks pregnant tomorrow (atleast) and have been offered a few different options through NHS. I really want to avoid the medically managed miscarriage, and ideally would like things to happen naturally.
How long should I expect to wait before bleeding/miscarriage starts?
Also have any of you experienced the surgery? If things don’t happen naturally I think this is the route I will choose, but I’m worried it will be awful or will affect my chances of conceiving again in the future.

Any advice will be really appreciated as my head is all over the place.

OP’s posts: |
OurChristmasMiracle Tue 31-Mar-20 15:55:48

I had 2 missed miscarriages, for me it didn’t happen naturally with my 1st the baby had stopped growing 6 weeks before so I was given the option of medical management or surgery. I was young and scared of surgery and my ex pushed me into the medical management. With the second I found out a few days after the baby’s heart stopped but was away at the time and felt it was right to wait til I went home to have it done with my ex present- they done a repeat scan. I had the surgical option as I’d already made my mind up.

Honestly I laid in the bath the night before and said goodbye to my baby. I went into hospital. Surgeon spoke to me walking down to theatre. I remember starting to count and the next thing I was waking up. I felt no side effects of the anaesthetic. I had light bleeding for a few days and was given antibiotics and pain relief and went home.

I am so sorry for your loss. flowers

christmasmammy Tue 31-Mar-20 16:09:37

And yours too, such and awful time anyway without having to make any decisions. 😭

OP’s posts: |
Mshayleylou Wed 01-Apr-20 23:06:29

So sorry for your loss. In case it helps, I had the D&C surgery - they put me to sleep for an hour or two and it was really quick and pain-free and I felt fine afterwards. I couldn't face waiting for it to happen naturally, given I found out that it had been a good 4 weeks since it had stopped growing, doctors told me it could be uncomfortable and there'd be a lot of blood. I know other people who had the same thing and also found it fine. I haven't been through it naturally but know lots of people opt for that too, so I'm sure whatever you decide will be right for you. Look after yourself.

Britannah Thu 02-Apr-20 21:28:43

I decided to have the surgery after my MMC - lost our baby at 7+4 but only found out at the 12 wk scan. I understand how devastated and scared you feel! I have no regrets opting for surgical, as PP said it’s quick, pain free and for me much less traumatic than if I had let it happen naturally. But that’s just me and everyone is different. I’m so sorry for your loss xxx

Sallyjo27 Thu 02-Apr-20 22:13:11

Hi I’m am very sorry for your loss.
I had a missed miscarriage I was 9 weeks but pregnancy stopped growing at 7 weeks. I had some spotting which became heavier and rang the midwife was sent to A and E on the Saturday. Was checked over was told my cervix was closed everything was probably fine and to come back in the Wednesday for a scan. I couldn’t wait that long so booked a private scan for the Monday. Was told there was no heartbeat. That evening I bleed quite heavily but not as heavy as I expected. On the Wednesday I had a scan and internal scan to confirm as the NHS like to do their own scan. I was told there was no heartbeat and that I needed to come back in a week and decide on how I wanted to proceed. However the day later I felt the need to push and passed the gestational sack. It was something I was no prepared to see. It almost looked like a pod. I couldn’t believe how big it was. I couldn’t flush it so buried it in the garden under my lily plant. The nurse told me to prepare myself to see it but I didn’t realise what I was going to see. I didn’t have much pain, honestly I’ve had worse period pain. I felt that I didn’t want to leave the house as I was scared in case I started bleeding heavily. You have got to do what you feel is right for you! Take some time to be with your partner to grieve together and talk about things. Eat whatever you fancy and watch crappy tv. But some night time/ heavy pads as well. Again I am sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk please let me know ❤️

C88M Thu 02-Apr-20 22:41:32

I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks but the baby had stopped growing around 7 weeks (probably the week of my early scan).

I had the medical management as the surgery would’ve been on my birthday. It didn’t work, I ended up having two lots, a lot of bleeding and pain and ended up spending the night in hospital. I had to go for the surgery anyway. The surgery was fine and I recovered quickly from that.
I do think it’s very unlikely that the medical management doesn’t work.

As awful as it is now it does get better, be kind to yourself and allow yourself time. Look after yourself.

Chopsuey1 Thu 02-Apr-20 23:30:47

Im just waiting to find out my fate. Going back on weds for my confirmation scan. Had an early scan yesterday at 7+weeks but fetus only measuring 5 weeks and slow heart rate. I think i will opt for surgical though. Think for me, i would find it too traumatising to pass the sac etc. But do whats right for you. I dont think either way would affect your fertility. Its what you feel 'comfortable' with xxx

Frankincense88 Sat 04-Apr-20 10:05:59

Hi ladies,

Sorry that you’re all going through this. I found out Wednesday (10 weeks) no heartbeat and sac has started to break down. Opted for medical management as don’t want to be in a hospital any longer than necessary with a global pandemic even though in other circumstances this would be my first choice.

Took tablets yesterday at 3pm after being kept in a waiting room full of pregnant women cooing over scan pictures and comparing names for 2 hours - all of whom were seen before me despite me being the first person there. They’d obviously forgotten about me and it wasn’t until I asked what was going on that I was seen. A deeply unpleasant experience made worse by having to be there alone without my husband for support.

Was hoping that tablets would start to work in a few hours but here we are the next day with nothing other than a very mild stomach ache last night and about 1tsp of bleeding at 10pm last night. I really don’t want to have to go back to hospital on Monday for a second dose and have to endure being surrounded by pregnant women again. It’s cruel. Has anyone been through medical management and found it didn’t kick in until the next day? I really just want it over.

Sending light during this dark time x

Chopsuey1 Mon 06-Apr-20 08:53:04

How did you get on @frankincess88

Chopsuey1 Mon 06-Apr-20 08:53:49

I mean @frankincense88

Frankincense88 Mon 06-Apr-20 08:57:10

@Chopsuey1 still nothing at all. Looks like I'll be going back to hospital today or tomorrow for a second dose. Midwife is due to ring me today but I don't know when it'll be. Another day of waiting for the phone to ring x

Chopsuey1 Mon 06-Apr-20 09:04:38

@Frankincense88 gosh this waiting is torture. Im still waiting for my second uss to confirm ive miscarried (weds pm). Spent all my time reading about natural miscarriage. Just sounds awful. I would much prefer surgical but doubt my hospital will offer surgery now.

Frankincense88 Mon 06-Apr-20 09:07:31

@Chopsuey1 I know I've been reading things too and getting worked up over it. I'm at a point now where I just need it to happen so I can deal with it and start to accept / move on but the fact it's being dragged out is making it worse. 😔

Chopsuey1 Mon 06-Apr-20 09:12:08

Yes exactly me too. Keep us informed what happens today x

Frankincense88 Mon 06-Apr-20 09:28:03

@Chopsuey1 will do x

Chopsuey1 Tue 07-Apr-20 17:52:55

@frankincense88 how did you get on??

Frankincense88 Tue 07-Apr-20 18:01:37

@Chopsuey1 I sent my husband to the hospital yesterday afternoon as I said to the midwife I didn't feel comfortable sitting in the waiting room and being left to it like I was on Friday. He brought the tablets home for me to take about 3.45pm (which I did by dissolving under the tongue rather than swallowing like last time when they didn't work) and it started about 7pm. First 2 hours were ok (all things considering) and the cramps / heavy bleeding went on until about 11.30pm. Managed everything with cocodamol and a microwave heat pack. Only had to get up twice in the night to check everything.Today just had some v.mild aching but bleeding has subsided as the day has gone on.
How is everything your end? Xx

Chopsuey1 Tue 07-Apr-20 18:23:48

Sorry its all come to an end but also relieved for you that its over. 'Normal' day today of trying to be ok. Confirmation scan tmrw. I know deep down what it will show but obviously secretly hoping everything will be ok. Went to toilet earlier and had fresh blood on wiping (after nothing since saturday), so i know its already starting. Im just dreading the pain of it all. Really frightened of making the decision of how to end it. I would have definitely chosen surgical but without that option, im really stressed.

Frankincense88 Tue 07-Apr-20 18:58:31

@Chopsuey1 thanks - hoping you get the news you want tomorrow and sending positive thoughts.

I felt worse over the weekend waiting for it to happen and knowing it was all still 'in there.' I do feel like I can start the process of dealing with it and moving forward / healing now that I'm over the worst (physically).

Really hope that you get the outcome you want tomorrow and feel free to drop a message if you need any support. I know medical management isn't for everyone but I'm glad I could process things in my own time at home with everything I needed there without putting myself at additional risk by being in hospital.

Hope you've got lots of people at the end of the phone should you need them. X

onedaysoonish Tue 07-Apr-20 19:47:11

I had the medical management (pills) but found it very hard - I thought it would just feel like a really bad period but the amount of blood and the intensity of the pain was quite shocking and scary. Also the sac comes out and various big clots etc. I'm sure the medical management can be ok if you know what you're in for and prepared. At the time I really wished I'd had the surgery.

onedaysoonish Tue 07-Apr-20 19:54:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pippop21 Tue 07-Apr-20 21:11:48

I had a MM at 12+5. I opted for medical management, so i had a pessary inserted to being on the miscarriage and an over night stay in hospital as it took a little longer for my body to expel the placenta.

I dont want to scar you but i opted for this as i previously used to work in surgery, and i have seen a few D&C's done during my time in theatres. I want you to be aware that they use a hoover like device, and suck the baby out. This does not come away in one piece it comes in many separate parts of tissue and i couldnt allow anyone to do that to my baby! With the medical management i had i passed baby whole, i was offered/had the option to see my baby and i felt it was more humane as my baby was fully formed and the size on the palm of my hand.

It is entirely up to you, and i cant comment how long it would take naturally to pass, i think it differs. Good luck with whatever you decide and im so sorry for your loss. Xxxx

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