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Pregnant again after 3 miscarriages & scared

(21 Posts)
IslingtonHels Sun 29-Mar-20 07:04:14

Hi everyone, I have just found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant. I’ve had 3 miscarriages & no successful pregnancies. One miscarriage was Silent and needed 3 separate procedures which was very traumatic.
This pregnancy is not planned and quite frankly a shock, especially in the current lockdown climate.
I have been treated by St Marys Hospital Recurrent Miscarriage unit in London. They took both sets of my bloods and I was supposed to have the results which I will be urgently chasing on Monday to see if there is anything at all in my blood work which could be treated.
I had a scan and was told I have a misshapen uterus (it’s not severe though) which could be a contributing factor.
This is a plea to those who have been though multiple miscarriages; how can I best mentally prepare myself for the inevitable? I am scared and can’t be with my friends and family during lockdown. My partner has 2 kids of his own from a previous relationship who are staying with us, and a lot of stress to deal with right now, I feel like I am only contributing to his problems. How do you get through this?

Thank you.

Puddlelane123 Sun 29-Mar-20 07:32:20

Handhold OP, as I know what an anxious time this is and how this must be heightened by the current situation. I found the only way to deal with the fear of miscarriage (having had previous losses) was to keep telling myself that whatever the outcome, I would make sure I had no ‘regrets’ afterwards - so I did everything I reasonably could to nurture and protect the pregnancy, to will that little life to stay, to talk to it (I know that sounds odd) and to pour my love into it so that in the event of the pregnancy ending I knew that while I had it, I had loved and embraced it for each day it was there. Possibly not the most emotionally protective approach but I found it helped me get through each day. I also found it helpful to remind myself that even after 2 or 3 losses the statistics were still on my side - the chances of the pregnancy continuing were still greater than it ending. I found Professor Lesley Regan’s book reassuring in this regard.

I know the fear and how all consuming it can be, and how stressful that it. I varied between trying to keep busy to distract myself and with practising mindfulness and meditation techniques to visualise a healthy growing pregnancy surrounded by warm pink light. Sounds woo and a bit fluffy but it helped me.

For me I found that trying to mentally prepare myself for the ‘inevitable’ wasn’t helpful as it never in practice reduced the sadness of the loss, just prolonged the agony so that I was almost mourning the loss before it even happened. So I would allow yourself some tentative moments of hope, to take each day of pregnancy as a ‘win’ and to remind yourself that if the pregnancy ends (by no means an inevitability) you will get through it because you have done in the past.

Really, really hope this is the one that stays with you OP.

ChakaDakotaRegina Sun 29-Mar-20 07:36:39

It was fourth time lucky for me and at a really inopportune time of my life. I took it one day at a time and reasoned if it didn’t work out then that made my current situation easier and if it did work out I had something amazing to look forward to.

You are definitely not contributing to problems!!!! Stop that now. There will always be a reason not to do something. Babies don’t need a lot for the first year - people are generous and you can borrow loads if youre not too precious.

Congratulations! I hope this is the one.

IslingtonHels Sun 29-Mar-20 17:05:02

Thank you both so much for your answers. I’m sitting here is tears of gratitude just to have an outlet where I can discuss this. It’s really appreciated.
I am going to try and take up meditation again, it was really beneficial a couple of years ago, thank you.
Taking every day as it comes is good advice too. I’m so scared of nurturing and being emotionally attached as I desperately want the baby to be ok but fear the worst. I will try to be more positive. Will let you know if things (finally) work out ok.
Thanks again

Puddlelane123 Sun 29-Mar-20 18:50:11

Always an outlet here and ready with a listening ear should you need it. Really hope you manage to get some answers tomorrow re your blood work.

Don’t put yourself under any pressure to feel anything or do anything beyond just getting through the day. I definitely went through stages of just trying to pretend the pregnancy wasn’t happening and put it to the back of my mind to protect myself from the sadness of it not working out so I relate to that completely. There are no right or wrong approaches and in my case I went through the full gamut of emotions on a daily basis. Hope can be the hardest and cruellest of emotions to let in, and I was so fearful to let myself imagine any outcome other than miscarriage in case it tempted fate. Like I would be punished for daring to believe it might work out...

Keeping everything crossed for you.

onlyreadingneverposting8 Sun 29-Mar-20 19:07:54

I'm in almost the same position. 6 weeks pregnant after 3 consecutive miscarriages 1mmc at 10 weeks, 1mc 7.5 w and one at 8.5 weeks. I do have other children. I was due to be seen at the recurrent mc clinic next week but of course it's been cancelled. I could ring but I suspect that as they've not actually seen me they'll just say it's a case of pot luck again this time round.
I'm not optimistic about this pregnancy at all and I'm just waiting for "it" to happen tbh.
Sorry you're in this position 🤞🏼 for you xx

ChakaDakotaRegina Mon 30-Mar-20 10:53:42

Puddlelanes put it beautifully.
Good luck too onlyreading

IslingtonHels Wed 01-Apr-20 10:56:58

Thank you so much for your responses. Onlyreadingneverposting, feel free to stay in touch and send me an inbox message if you are feeling isolated; I know I am. Unfortunately the Recurrent Miscarriage clinic has not responded to my emails and calls. It’s adding to the feeling of hopelessness. There could not be a worse time for this to be happening.
Puddlelane123 thank you so much for your kind words. I’ve managed to find some progesterone pessaries as a last resort, but today my symptoms seem to have dropped right off so I am expecting the worst.
Thanks all, got my fingers crossed for you x

onlyreadingneverposting8 Wed 01-Apr-20 11:31:51

Thanks @IslingtonHels - it does seem a bit hopeless right now doesn't it?! The progesterone pessaries - are those something you've had prescribed? Are they available just to buy?

IslingtonHels Wed 01-Apr-20 14:34:43

Hi OnlyReadingneverposting8, it was prescribed for me by the senior midwife at Pembury Hospital. Take a look at this article... anything is worth a try right now... www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/miscarriage-pregnancy-hormone-progesterone-women-tommys-a9310946.html

IslingtonHels Sun 05-Apr-20 07:17:04

I have lost all pregnancy symptoms this morning. I can’t stop crying. Terrified it will be a MMC this time. Last time it took 3 procedures and I don’t want to be alone in hospital because of coronavirus. Just feel completely hopeless. Will call the Midwifery unit on Monday if I have not miscarried by then and try to book in an urgent scan

onlyreadingneverposting8 Sun 05-Apr-20 07:39:19

Stay calm xx if it is the worst then, at this stage your body may just mc by itself with no need to go to hospital. Both my last 2 mc were completely straightforward from that point of view and I had no medical input. Sending love xx

IslingtonHels Sun 05-Apr-20 08:25:01

Thank you so much. My partner’s young children are staying with us and I need to get a grip, for their sakes if nothing else

Puddlelane123 Sun 05-Apr-20 08:28:06

Keep calm lovely, I know how easy it is to reach the depths of despair and assume the worst but there is still more chance than not that your pregnancy will continue. Symptoms can definitely fluctuate and certainly did with my eventually successful pregnancies.

How many weeks are you now?

IslingtonHels Sun 05-Apr-20 17:20:57

I’m 6 weeks on Tuesday. Never made it past 7 weeks without some bleeding. The next week is critical. Just had a sharp pain and fear the worst.

Puddlelane123 Sun 05-Apr-20 19:19:28

The watching and waiting and endless fear of checking knickers is awful and I remember it so well. The weeks just drag don’t they, and the present situation must make that so much harder as less distractions.

I don’t want to give you false hope but at the same time it isn’t at all unusual for symptoms to wax and wane, especially before 7 weeks. I never had a single daily / persistent symptom before 7 weeks in my ongoing pregnancies.

Did the recurrent miscarriage clinic ever get back to you??

IslingtonHels Mon 06-Apr-20 16:18:00

Hello and thank you for your messages. Puddlelane123 yes the blood work did come through and everything was normal. The bad news that I had a very apologetic midwifery team speak to me and tell me that the early pregnancy scan I had been told I would have this week was not only cancelled, but the hospital and midwifery team would not see me at all until 12 weeks, despite the fact I have been referred by St Mary’s. This is due to Covid 19. I have booked for a private scan on Saturday (if I get that far). Fingers, toes, everything crossed.
I really appreciate your comments, it’s so helpful just to be able to talk through my worries, thank you.

IslingtonHels Sat 11-Apr-20 16:16:01

Update: I went for my early pregnancy scan today, 6 weeks 4 days. The embryo was only 2.2mm long and no heartbeat. My pregnancy symptoms have vanished. I fear the worst situation and it is another MMC.

onlyreadingneverposting8 Sat 11-Apr-20 17:02:20

Sorry to hear the news 😞 I've decided to do nothing as I've heard that epu's are not automatically offering treatment for mmc atm. I've still got symptoms atm but I've had 2 mmc where the baby had a heart beat at 8 weeks but not at 9 and one where I had a 9 week foetus but no heartbeat. Time will tell for both of us! 🤞🏼 that if it's worst case for either or both of us it's easy and straightforward! Xx

Puddlelane123 Sat 11-Apr-20 22:11:19

Oh Islington, I am genuinely so so sorry to hear that. What did the sonographer advise?

Chopsuey1 Sun 12-Apr-20 23:18:17

So so sorry to read this. I had a mc confirmed last week. I was 8/40 but measuring 6/40 and no HB. 2 hrs later i had an MVA and it was all over in 2 mins. no cramping at home and minimal bleeding. 5 days now and bleeding seems to have stopped. If its being offered, i would really consider it x

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