12 week scan & MMC

[temogemo]

As many others - I went to my 12 week scan this morning, leaving with the news that I have had a MMC.

I'm in shock about, had no symptoms or reason to believe this had happened.

I've chosen to go down the surgical option under GA which I am terrified about as I've never been under GA before but will have to wait until next Tuesday. Obviously I'm aware nature may take its course by then but the pregnancy stopped progressing around 7/8weeks. So I don't know why my body hasn't miscarried naturally already?

I'm just full of questions about why this happened and of cause mourning all the things I thought were coming which will now not be

[Wolfiefan]

Oh my lovely. This happened to me with my first pg. I also took the surgical route.
Please, please be kind to yourself and take time and space to grieve. I was devastated.
Hope you have good RL support.

[RedSheep73]

I'm sorry, I had a couple of these and they are no fun. Honestly, don't go thinking your body had done anything wrong. In the days before ultrasound you would not have known until you started bleeding, but there would still have been that time lag. It just takes a while for the hormones to drop to the point where your body reacts. Life isn't like an EastEnders episode where the woman dramatically clutches her belly and loses the baby straight away. It doesn't happen in real time like that.

[Bubski2020]

Sorry for your loss

No advice at all but just hugs X

[Frazzlerock]

I am so sorry for what you're going through @temogemo. I have been here several times and have had surgery for all of them. I can't tell you why this has happened, nor why the universe is so fucking cruel. But I can answer any questions you might have about the procedure, and can give you a handhold. No mother should lose a child

[temogemo]

@frazzlerock thank you. Could you tell me what to expect? I'm very nervous x

[Rhubarbe]

I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

[Frazzlerock]

Of course. I've lost 4 babies in total, 3 of them I had Surgical Management of Miscarriage (SMM) at 9 weeks. 1 was spontaneous and much earlier.

I will give you two accounts because my first was different:

My first experience was pretty awful but I think it was because I was in a busy teaching hospital in London. I was sent to the day surgery unit and had to insert a pessary to dilate my cervix and I had to put on hospital gown, knickers and compression socks.

Then I had to sit out in the waiting room with lots of other day surgery patients (not necessarily in for SMM).
DP and I waited an hour or 2 until I was called in. Cue having to say goodbye to DP who hadn't left my side since the moment we found out our precious baby had died. I was a sobbing wreck.
I was put on the bed and wheeled into theatre, then I can't remember much except having the cannula put in and a mask put on my face.
Then I woke up and just felt completely empty. There was no one to comfort me, I just felt terribly alone. It was very 'conveyor belt' like.
When I was physically ready I was sent on my way. Like I'd had a verucca removed or something completely normal.

We had moved out of London by the time our subsequent babies died. My experience was much better. Nursing staff were really lovely and we had our own room, so I wasn't without DP for too long.
The second time I had surgery I was given the cervix dilating drugs orally which were pretty horrid. I had a very dry mouth as you're not allowed to eat or drink from midnight. I had to let these tablets melt and they really were gross especially with such a dry mouth.
When I was wheeled into theatre the surgeon and anaesthetists and nurses etc were so lovely. The surgeon even made me chuckle a few times in between tears - I was sobbing my heart out.
When I woke I was still crying, a nurse came over and was very kind and helped me to calm down so I could be taken back into my room to see DP.
When we left we were given a little keepsake candle and little paper flower.
The third time was very much the same as it was the same hospital. Only that time they didn't give me anything to dilate my cervix - not sure why.
Afterwards, they gave me details of the bereavement midwife who has arranged for us to take our baby home once testing has been done.

I hope this helps you, but please keep talking if you need to and ask if you have any more questions x

[mamansnet]

So sorry for your loss. I also had an MMC at 8 weeks, no symptoms at all. My doctor said it often happens because there's something not quite right with the foetus, perhaps some sort of genetic problem, and it's nature's way of letting the baby go gently. You've done absolutely nothing wrong and it won't stop you getting pregnant in future.

I also had the GA and surgery, I felt very emotional and cried when they brought me round. It is a bereavement after all, and you need to allow yourself to grieve. Physically I felt tired and a bit like when I have a period. When my period finally did come, 12 days later, it was very heavy and painful - it's the uterus wall shedding after several weeks of growth to support the pregnancy. Get yourself plenty of paracetamol, a hot water bottle, chocolate and boxsets and allow yourself and your dp time, and above all allow yourself to get upset, for you both.

[Frazzlerock]

I forgot to add about bleeding. Mine were all different. 2 of them I bled for about 2 weeks. My most recent one I bled for a good 4 weeks. I didn't experience any pain whatsoever with any of them. But the bleeding was relentless. Some days you think it's cleared up then it all starts again.
And you can't use tampons which I struggled with as I hate pads.

[temogemo]

Thank you all. I currently feel okay, feels like nothing has changed - it's very odd. But I am sure once nature takes its course or when I go in for the ERPC that I will feel truly devastated. My DH is in pieces and we are just giving our DD(4) plenty of cuddles and feel so thankful to have her.

[FruitTwistFanta]

I just want to say I know how you’re feeling as the exact same thing happened to me today. I went for my 12 week scan only to be told the baby hadn’t developed past 7 weeks. It’s such a horrendous feeling as I naively thought it would be fine if I had got to 12 weeks.

I need to advise tomorrow what route I want to go down-I was thinking the tablet as I can be at home for it but the operation is tempting as then it’s just done?

I’m very sorry for your loss x

[Frazzlerock]

@FruitTwistFanta I am so sorry. It is truly horrendous

With the op, most of it is just done, but you still bleed for weeks afterwards. The only 'blessing' is that you don't go through the agony of doing it naturally. It's also advised if you are having karyotyping done which we have done twice now.

[Dlow]

Earlier this week, I was told that I had a mmc. I don’t think anything can prepare you for that news that there is no heartbeat 😞 I am thinking of you as it’s an awful experience to go through.
I went for the medical management option and passed the sac and baby around 4 hours after having the tablets inserted.
I chose not to look and asked my partner to check however it had sunk to the bottom of the loo and there was so much blood it was difficult to see anything.
I’m also quite glad of this as I think it’s something that would have never left my mind.
Big hugs x

[bananamonkey]

So sorry for your loss, this happened to me a year ago and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever felt. I did have a really positive surgery experience though and asked for experiences on here so my old thread might be helpful to you
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/3504239-Missed-Miscarriage-Surgery-Experience

Take it easy, talking helps if you can manage it and be kind to yourself x x

[temogemo]

Again just thank you all, I know miscarriage is common but it's just the shock that it's happened to you and all of a sudden it's like your part of a secret club.

My maternity exemption certificate arrived in the post today does anyone know what I do with that now? Do I need to contact them to cancel it or anything like that?

[bananamonkey]

You don’t need to do anything with it @temogemo, in fact I think you’re entitled to use it still, if you wish.

You are so right, it’s like a secret club that so many people you know are members of but no one talks about it

[Char2020]

I found out the same way as you that I had a MMC at our 12 week scan. I asked why my body hadn’t picked up on it as the baby had stopped growing at 8+2, she showed me on the scan that the placenta still had an active blood supply and was still growing as it should but the baby’s heart had stopped. Because of this our bodies still produce all of the pregnancy hormones that makes our bodies believe our pregnancy is progressing normally. It’s so cruel when this happens but just know that you and your body did nothing wrong, it’s not your fault this happened, don’t blame yourself for not realising (I know I did for a long time) but there is nothing you could have done differently or to prevent it.

I was due to go into hospital to discuss options but my miscarriage happened naturally the night before. I have to be honest I preferred that it happened like that. I was in the comfort of my own home and didn’t have to face anyone, it was just me and my partner. If this does happen to you before your appointment..... don’t panic, it’s not a nice experience but for me there was very little pain and was over within a few hours of starting.

I’m so sorry you are having to go through this and wish you the best at your appointment. X

[elc19]

So so sorry for your loss.

I've had 2 surgical managements for miscarriage, both times I was given a bed straight away. Dr came with forms to fill in, anaesthetist then took me with nurse to prepare.

Given some oxygen through a mask then a cannular in hand which didn't hurt either times then before I knew it I was in recovery. ERPC/D&C takes less than half hour.

I was in recovery for half hour then back on the ward, cup of tea and some biscuits, had to pass urine before I was allowed to go and then home.

Both times had light bleeding for 2 days after, minimal cramping, hot water bottle and paracetamol.

Good luck, you'll be fine. Both of my experiences were good with our hospital, as good as the situation can be, all of the drs and nurses were friendly and DH was allowed to wait at bed for me to come back.

Good luck xxx

[elc19]

Forgot to say, nurse put a tablet inside near my cervix to help it dilate before surgery which wasn't uncomfortable at all xz

[Britannah]

@temogemo Im so sorry for your loss! I could have written this exact post in December. We also found out at the 12 week scan that our baby had died at 7+4 and after a healthy pregnancy (which I’m so very grateful for!) it hit me like something I’ve never felt before. I felt exactly the same way and still grieve for the fact I should be 22 weeks pregnant right now.

I opted for the surgical route too and I don’t regret it at all, the lead up (& panic as I have a complete phobia of being put to sleep!) was far worse than the procedure itself although of course everyone’s experiences are different. As you are feeling so anxious ask whether they will push you to the ‘front’ so you don’t have to wait around - they did for me and it really helped!!

I will say this, even though you don’t feel like it now you are stronger than you think and you will get through this somehow - be kind to yourself!!

Sending a huge hug from one grieving mamma to another

[Shamoo]

Hope you are ok OP. I have had two MMC now, and I know how hard it is. The second time I was more prepared for it (although I had had a scan with a heartbeat and so thought it was ok, but apparently it stopped growing two days after). The first was just awful as I didnt expect it. I booked surgery for the second one but nature took its course. I wasnt in any pain with either (both were 6+5 in terms of size), a lot of blood but no pain. Be kind to yourself, and gentle. I hope things go ok. Thinking of you.

[temogemo]

I suspect that I may end up passing naturally before my surgical appointment on Tuesday as I've noticed some brown discharge so not sure if this is the start of things.

And also FB ads, like arghhh! Inescapable reminders everywhere!

I know it's way too soon but all I want to do it's to get pregnant again, it took us 8 months to conceive and timings were working out well in terms of expected due date. My OH is in the Navy and sometimes trying to work around deployments can be a nightmare and honestly I am so so so anxious of trying again and having to go through the panic of if he'll be available for the next scan or heck even the birth. Whilst my anxiety has been silent throughout this I know it's just feeding on the experience and arming it's self for a next time.

[Frazzlerock]

I know how you feel @temogemo I'm desperate to try again. It's all consuming and feel like such a deep innate biological response to losing a baby. Unfortunately my DP refuses to try again, ever. He's decided he never wants a child of his own. I literally have no idea what to do with all this pain.

I really hope you get to try again. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

[Char2020]

@temogemo I had all the same feelings as you when we lost ours. It’s such a strong feeling of needing to be pregnant again at any cost. It’s all I could think about for weeks, it was on my mind constantly and really getting me down knowing the wait to get pregnant again and being back at 12 weeks would be a long one. Those feelings do ease up somewhat once the hormones relax a bit. At the moment they are raging and you are grieving, once everything settles and (if and when) you start trying again, it does get easier. We are trying again now and are treating this as a new journey rather than a continuation of the last one, but I still feel like the only thing that can fix me is to be pregnant again. It’s awful how cruel things can be. I’m sorry you are going through this but just know that it will become easier to deal with. Keep strong

[temogemo]

Sorry to hear that @Frazzlerock it's so tough. I'm not even sure where my DH stands yet on the topic yet.

And thank you @Char2020 I hope everything works out.

I thought things might have started this morning but still nothing. This is the strangest part, I never thought miscarriages could be like this - the knowing of it and yet still carrying.
Work sent some flowers today which was lovely, so feel lucky to have a supportive workplace to return to.

I'm struggling to sleep at night and eating has gone out the window so feel completely drained but these forums and many like it are keeping me busy reading about everyone else's experiences and being able to feel a connection with so many others x