I discovered I had a MMC two weeks ago, my baby measured at 11 and a half weeks at my dating scan. Hubby and I excitedly took along our two children aged 2 and 3 to introduce them to their little brother or sister...no other thought and I mean no other thought entered into our minds for even one second, so we never thought there would be anything wrong with them being there.
The sonography probed around furiously before switching off the monitor and telling me the words I had not expected to hear, “I’m so sorry but there’s no heartbeat”...time stopped and I felt as if in that moment I actually floated out of my body and thought this is a sick joke, I’m dreaming...but I wasn’t as a second sonographer confirmed the news.
We were taken out of the room, through a different exit, I instantly remember feeling like “this is the way all the women who lose their babies have to walk out of here, I don’t know why that sad thought stuck with me.
We then waited in this brightly coloured pink and purple room, where a nurse explained our 3 options and used the word ‘miscarriage’ that was where I heard it first and it echoed in the room loudly. She also offered me the option of having another scan in a weeks time if I preferred and I took the option...clutching with all my hope that this was all some terrible mistake.
The week of waiting was by far the hardest and longest week of my life, I did nothing but wait and hope.
Another scan in a rather different room this time and I was prepared, whist I held my husbands hand, it was the same news as before. I remember knowing exactly what I wanted to happen next, I wanted to manage my miscarriage surgically, I needed closure.
Due to a cancellation, my ERPC was booked in for two days time. I prayed for the lady who had cancelled her appointment and hoped she didn’t struggle whilst waiting for her surgery...though my husband reminded me that the lady may not have miscarried so stop worrying. The procedure was carried out quickly and I now feel like I can grieve the loss of my baby and begin to move forward with my life. I didn’t experience any pain or cramping, just having a normal flow period.
For all the ladies out there going through a miscarriage or missed miscarriage, my thoughts and prayers are with you, but you will get through this difficult time, stay strong.
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3 replies
Reen100 · 20/01/2020 16:14
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