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What do you say to people who ask...

(11 Posts)
Zoey36 Sun 19-Jan-20 23:43:28

Had a miscarriage in October followed by chemical pregnancies and am not currently pregnant. DD1 is 1.5ish and today alone I was asked twice if I wanted another one.

How do you answer that? Honestly I wasnt to say 'yes but I've had miscarriages' but I feel like that is a bit...I dunno!
Is there a clever phrase anyone uses? I normally just say yes but I feel like I should say something that maybe makes the other person think.

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cheeseislife8 Sun 19-Jan-20 23:53:39

People really need to mind their own business.

I get this a lot. Married 5 years, with DH for 9, so people have been asking for a while. I can't say we spent years TTC then 1 MMC and 1 MC. I used to just say "ah, plenty of time for all that!" and act breezy but its getting harder.

So sorry you've found yourself here flowers

minipie Mon 20-Jan-20 00:02:19

I didn’t have losses but took a while to conceive DC1, meanwhile the world and his wife were getting pg around me. Used to get asked did I want DC, what was I waiting for etc. I started saying “yes I’d like to but waiting for my body to get with the program” or “yes when it happens” or similar words. A bit less stark but makes it clear what’s going on and hopefully makes them think twice about asking such things in future.

Best wishes to you both.

SE13Mummy Mon 20-Jan-20 00:02:35

After a few years of those sorts of questions, I answered them more honestly than most questioners probably wanted, by saying that yes, I'd love to have another but the last few pregnancies ended in miscarriages and the ruptured ectopic nearly killed me. They generally then realised it was none of their business and apologised for prying.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Mon 20-Jan-20 07:37:08

I'm honest - I can't be bothered lying anymore or sugar coating the uncomfortable truth for people.

I've lost 5 pregnancies since DC1 and get asked all the time but lost both tubes due to ruptured ectopics - I just tell them we can't have children naturally anymore - they soon change the subject pretty quickly!

honeybee1986 Tue 21-Jan-20 22:33:47

I get this quite a lot and I don't feel I can hide the truth as it hurt so much going through loss. I just say yes would love another but unfortunately it didn't work out this time and then they ask a leading question or look a bit puzzled so I tell them.

anotherypasswordtoremember Wed 22-Jan-20 15:44:18

I'm a fan of shaming people for asking this question. It's such a stupid and archaic thing to say and frankly they need to learn it's not acceptable!

"I'd love to but I've recently had a miscarriage" or "that's a very personal question what made you ask that?" Are my favourite responses.

Bear2014 Wed 22-Jan-20 15:46:38

We suffered similar between our two DC and I was very honest about it with anyone who asked. I think that miscarriage needs to be demystified and it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It's obviously none of anyone's business, but if they ask they will be told. Then as PP have said, maybe they will think twice about asking others.

Tessaraqt Wed 22-Jan-20 18:39:29

I always said "I'd love for it to happen, but sometimes that's not something that's in our control. Fingers crossed", which reminds them of the struggles some people can go through.

I don't think anyone means to be rude when they ask, they're just making polite conversation, but it doesn't help to gently remind them that there might be other people who struggle with that question even more.

Dozer Wed 22-Jan-20 18:41:46

Hated being asked this. I told the truth in the hope it might make people think twice next time.

Zoey36 Wed 22-Jan-20 21:37:29

Thanks so much for all the replies! So helpful. After it happened again today, I definitely will be upfront about it. So true about miscarriage not being a thing to be ashamed of. And very true, ...they asked! It's not like I'm bringing it up out of nowhere! Sorry for all your loses ladies. Xxx

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