Empty sac at 10 weeks

ovener · 2019-12-18 09:29:15

Hi everyone, I thought I would share my experience so far in the hope it will help others and to also help me process everything. I'm so sorry to everyone experiencing a loss. This is really long but I just want to write it all down. I found out I was pregnant the day after my brother and his wife told me I am to become an auntie for the first time. I decided to keep my pregnancy quiet for the first trimester, in part to allow SIL to enjoy that special feeling of being spoilt by everyone in her first pregnancy. I am lucky enough to have a 2 year old DS. I was SO excited my baby was due just three weeks after SIL, and in the summer too, exactly as planned. We had conceived after literally having unprotected sex once! Fast forward to last Saturday, I was 9+4 weeks and noticed pale pink blood when I went to the loo. We had a really busy weekend so I didn't have time to stop, but felt sick with worry at the sight of blood. I phoned the midwife that evening and she recommended I go to the EPAU first thing on Monday for a scan. We had a family reunion on the Sunday, with lots of driving, and I was horrified to experience a small gush of blood half way though the day. I kept a brave face in front of family but feared the worst. Monday arrived and I went to the hospital for a scan. I had to take DS as DP was working. After some form-filling and an initial consultation, I was eventually called in for the internal ultrasound. The (male) sonographer was kind and gentle, but the procedure was still embarrassing and nerve-wracking. After scanning in silence, he told me there was just an empty sac. I couldn't take this information in - I was expecting him to tell me if there was a heartbeat or not.. but no baby at all? I felt pregnant, I had the usual fatigue and some fairly strong food aversions. How could there be no baby? I keep replaying my words in my head, I just said "There's no baby?" and I sounded so pathetic, like a little child. I immediately teared up and they gave me a couple of minutes alone to get dressed, then I had to walk out in tears, in front of all the pregnant women in the waiting room. They sat me in an empty room so I could cry alone (with DS) while I waited for the doctor to see me again. The doctor (male again, but also kind) didn't give me much information, just that they wanted to scan me again in one week to make sure I hadn't just got my dates wrong. I told him it would be impossible for that to happen as we only has sex the one time. Still, the policy is not to take action without two scans spaced apart. He said I should go to a&e if the bleeding filled a pad in one hour or I felt unwell I left the hospital in tears and phoned DP in the carpark. He was already apprehensive about the pregnancy after feeling helpless at the (fairly traumatic) birth of DS, so there was a flicker of conflicting sadness and relief in his reaction. I felt so alone. I went home and cried a lot. Later in the day, it occurred to me that my next scan would be two days before Christmas. The thought of miscarrying over Christmas is just awful. I usually try to avoid hospitals and medical intervention as much as possible, as the whole system frightens me. However, after reading some accounts of other people's experiences of natural and medically managed miscarriages I decided, to my surprise, that the surgical option was appealing. I liked the thought of not having to go through seeing the sac come out of me, and avoiding the terrible contractions that would remind me of childbirth. I was finding out all this information myself at home, as the doctor did not talk to me about my options. I assume I will be given more information after my second scan, but I really needed it sooner. There was no midwife to talk things through with either, I was just sent on my way, knowing there is no way they will find a baby at my next scan. By now it was evening so I decided to phone the hospital in the morning to discuss having surgery this week, before Christmas. This brings us to yesterday. I couldn't get through to the EPAU so left a message. Then I phone my local midwives, and spoke to a secretary who was sympathetic and told me a midwife would call back in an hour or so. No one got back to me. I've never felt so lonely. I tried the EPAU a few more times with no luck. Then I phoned the number for the overall gynaecology department and spoke to a lady who recommended I return to the EPAU the next day (today) to try and talk to someone. Eventually I phoned my GP surgery as I found some info on the hospital website saying a GP could make a direct referral for me. I made an emergency telephone appointment with the GP and waited some more. By the afternoon there was still no call. I tried the EPAU again and got through! Finally! The lady said they don't like to go against the two scans policy - and I understand the reasoning. It would be beyond terrible if they ever accidentally terminated a viable pregnancy. She said I should still attend the second scan on Monday and she kindly pencilled me in for surgery the day after - on Christmas eve. What timing. I hope I am well enough to travel to my parents' after surgery so I can enjoy a relaxing family Christmas without the fear of miscarrying at any point. I haven't decided if I will tell DB and SIL about my loss. I don't want them to feel bad about their happiness. DS has been misbehaving since seeing me upset on Monday. He is vocal enough to confirm to us he feels sad about seeing mum cry. I feel bad for him and am trying to focus on how lucky we are to have him. I am 34 so don't want to hang around too long before trying again, after having a chat with DP about his feelings. My bleeding has increased overnight and I'm worried I may miscarry before the surgery. I don't want to go through that. I'm taking it easy this week but still feel so lonely and cycling through different emotions - sadness/denial/anger and back to sadness again. I'll update the thread when anything happens. Thanks for reading.

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Hi all, and thanks to those who offered help and support. The OP has had second thoughts about this thread - it's a bit identifying - so we've agreed to take it down now.