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1 Week Post Ectopic - can’t stop worrying about future

(61 Posts)
Bumble88 Mon 09-Dec-19 19:37:35

Hi, this is my first post. Tomorrow will be one week since my ectopic and op to remove right tube. It was my first pregnancy, I’m 31 and I was just coming up to 7 weeks. Ruptured, blood loss, blood transfusions etc. I realise I am lucky to be safe, but I just cannot stop thinking about the future and fertility.

I have trawled through all the forums looking for good news and stories of hope, of which I have found lots. But sitting here recovering, it is constantly on my mind. I can’t think of anything else but “will I be able to have another baby?”

I just don’t know how to stop worrying. My DH and Mum have looked after me, but I can’t share how worried I am because (perhaps rightly) they just say we have a good chance, not to worry excessively etc etc. Just feeling so down atm.

OP’s posts: |
Curlyfrizzball Mon 09-Dec-19 19:50:44

Hello. I’m so sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing about 12 years ago (except that I was fortunate enough not to need a blood transfusion). I was 32 and we had been trying for about 18 months for a baby, so I was really worried that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again. The hospital told me that it shouldn’t affect my fertility and chances of getting pregnant but I couldn’t quite see how that could be true and obviously it had taken a while to get pregnant anyway, so that didn’t really stop me worrying.

A few months after the ectopic I got pregnant again and my daughter is now 10.

Of course, there is no guarantee that this will happen for you but it really shouldn’t affect your chances.

You are a week on from a traumatic experience so your emotions will be all over the place and it’s entirely normal to just be really worried about everything. Focus on looking after yourself right now. There was an online support group that I found helpful at the time, but I can’t remember what it was called I’m afraid. Maybe have a google?

flowers for you - hope that worked, it’s the first time I’ve done it!

Bumble88 Mon 09-Dec-19 20:09:04

Thank you for sharing your story (and the flowers - they did work!) My surgeon said similar, that it certainly doesn’t reduce your chances by 50% and that he knew lots of women go on to have healthy pregnancies. I suppose in this time where I can’t do anything but google and worry, it’s hard to believe the hospital right - like you said. We had only been trying for 3 months luckily, so maybe this is a good sign that things may happens again soon...

OP’s posts: |
ClinkyMonkey Mon 09-Dec-19 22:02:41

I'm so very sorry you're going through this experience.

I had an ruptured ectopic 9 years ago when I was 43. I was given emergency surgery and had to have a tube removed.and was completely devastated. At that age, I really thought it was unlikely I would conceive again and initially adjusted my mindset to focus on the child I already had. After a while we decided to start trying again and finally, following 2 early miscarriages, I got pregnant about 16 months after my ectopic. I had a little boy, who is now 7.

I know it's really hard, but there is hope. It's all very new to you right now and those first few weeks are the worst, but allow yourself time to be sad. The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust has a wonderful forum full of lovely supportive women who have been through similar experiences to your own. I found it such a comfort to talk to others who had some idea how I was feeling.

Bananaloaf88 Sun 15-Dec-19 01:07:44

@Bumble88 Hey. Your story is so similar to mines. I had an ectopic & my right tube removed on Nov 20th. I am also 31. I am also terrified. I am still waiting for AF to reappear. Since the surgery me & DH have DTD once unprotected and I majorly reget it. I am so full of fear now that I could fall pregnant quickly again. How are you finding recovery? I had been signed off work for 3 weeks and returned on Friday. It has taken a major toll on my body as this weekend my muscles feel like they've ran a marathon!

Bumble88 Sun 15-Dec-19 11:35:04

@Bananaloaf88 Wow, very similar story then, even the same tube! :-( Do you not want to get pregnant again this soon? I am desperate to try again. I am scared of falling again, and I would be so nervous until we know it’s in the right place. My surgeon said to wait for first AF which may be unusual, then one normal one, then can start trying. Recovery is hard, just leaves you thinking and worrying I’ve found. I also have an infection in one of my incisions, so on antibiotics now and feel like I’ve taken a step back :-( How was it going back to work? I told my boss because I had to have a few days off for tests etc, I just don’t want people to look at me like they feel sorry, if you know what I mean?

OP’s posts: |
Bananaloaf88 Sun 15-Dec-19 11:58:58

@Bumble88 I am desperate to get pregnant again but atm the fear of another ectopic is stronger. I'm not going to try again until my first period is over, but waiting for that feels like i'm in limbo. I totally understand about going back to work. My situation was weird because I had my surgery on what was meant to be my last week at my current job, so I have went back to a new job where no one really knows me. I teach Primary 1s so it has been super tiring but also it has given me something else to think about. You should only go back when you are ready. Sorry to hear you got an infection, I had a horrible sinus infection straight after surgery so that also ended up with antibiotics and they can make you feel groggy enough!

moomin11 Mon 23-Dec-19 08:39:06

I had an ectopic pregnancy a couple of years ago and it was a really frightening experience, I was very lucky not to need surgery. My SIL had one that ruptured her tube but has gone on to have 2 children and has fallen pregnant pretty quickly both times. I hope you have a positive outcome too smile

Bumble88 Fri 17-Jan-20 17:49:11

Thanks for the positive posts.

@Bananaloaf88 - how are you feeling now?

I’m feeling a lot better, physically and emotionally. My worry has now moved from not being able to fall pregnant, to worrying about it being another ectopic - if I were to fall again. I sort of feel like I’ve had one of my two chances, if I have another ectopic and surgery - that’s my last chance. It’s not even the fear of the experience anymore, it’s just I feel like it’s my “last go” in case it happens and I’m left tubeless sad. I know that’s worst case scenario, but when you’ve been unlucky enough to be in the minority once, it’s difficult not to worry about it again.

OP’s posts: |
Bananaloaf88 Fri 17-Jan-20 17:56:04

@bumble88 I am feeling the same!

Physically I feel rubbish I have done something to my back, my mum who is a nurse thinks it is a backlash of surgery somehow. So that is getting me down.

I have had two periods now so going to stop ysinf contraception. This week was a bad week because my friend announced she was pregnant and due 3 weeks after I would have been. It cut deep.

Are you ready to try again?

Bumble88 Fri 17-Jan-20 18:04:33

Oh no that’s so annoying you’ve got that side effect from the surgery - not what you need at all sad I still have a bit of pain around the surgical sites sometimes, and do still feel a little bit swollen.

That’s good you’ve had your periods. I have had one and I’m ovulating now (I use an Ava bracelet to track my cycle) so hopefully my second period will come soon. I am so tempted to try on this cycle, but I keep hearing the surgeon say “two periods” and so I won’t try - just because I’d feel foolish not to listen.

Pregnancy news is so difficult. I’ve chosen not to go to a Hen in January because the bride had a baby at the end of last year and her bridesmaid is pregnant - I just can’t face it yet.

Are you worried about not getting pregnant? Or more what happens next time if it’s ectopic again? How long did you try when you were pregnant with the ectopic?

OP’s posts: |
JeffV Fri 17-Jan-20 19:37:21

Hi @Bumble88 and @Bananaloaf88 please can I join your chat? I'm sorry to hear you have both been through so much. I've just gone through at ectopic miscarriage with the watchful waiting management. I'm so scared about the future as well. I'm scared as it took ages to get pregnant so I'm worried it will again. Then it might be ectopic again if there is any damage to the tube left by this pregnancy. The unknown is so scary and lonely

Bananaloaf88 Fri 17-Jan-20 19:52:33

@jeffV I can imagine waiting management on its own was very stfessful. Are they going to check your tube at a later date?

JeffV Fri 17-Jan-20 20:10:43

They weren't going to but I went back to my GP and asked how I would know the tube has shrunk back? She said she will arrange an scan but I dont know if that will tell me if there is damage? Everything just feels very unanswered right now

Thanks its was incredibly stressful with all the blood tests and being in limbo.

KittenVsBox Fri 17-Jan-20 20:22:24

Hey Ladies, I'm sorry for your losses.
Another one here who had emergency surgery to remove a tube whilst carrying an ectopic pregnancy.
Both my subsequent pregnancies were conceived fairly quickly (2 cycles and 1 cycle). I've just tucked the youngest into bed, and the big one is in the shower.

Take it easy on yourselves. You body needs to heal, and your mind needs to grieve. flowers

AnyName1 Fri 17-Jan-20 20:31:08

My post ectopic baby is 19 now. Lost left tube. Best of luck.

Elieza Fri 17-Jan-20 20:38:37

My neighbour had one in her 30s and thought that was that. A couple of years later she went on to have a baby, and another baby a couple of years after that! No fertility treatment, happened naturally.

JeffV Fri 17-Jan-20 20:44:54

This is so positive to hear smile Has anyone got any success stories where the tube was kept? I worried mine has been damaged and it will affect my future chances/cause more ectopic pregnancies sad

Bumble88 Fri 17-Jan-20 22:39:05

Thank you for the kind words and positive stories ladies, it’s very reassuring when you’re in a darker place.

@JeffV - I hope you get some answers. Going through an ectopic pregnancy is very lonely (even if you have great friends and family) I found there is a lot of self-blame and feelings only those who have had an ectopic can appreciate. Hence why this is so nice to have - a thread to support each other.

It took my DH and I two cycles to fall pregnant the first time, I so hope it’s as quick this time. I know healing time is in order, but I feel ready - and I so want to be a Mummy.

Stay positive everyone smile

OP’s posts: |
Bananaloaf88 Sat 18-Jan-20 08:41:25

@JeffV I would have thought they would have offered an internal scan to check the tube.

My husbands cousin had an ectopic in 2018, which was treated by having the injection. She has just announced she is pregnant and due in July/Aug. It does happen. I think at the moment it just seems like it never will because I want it to happen now!

JeffV Sat 18-Jan-20 11:14:46

Thanks @Bananaloaf88 I thought they would as well but they haven't said I can have one. Apparently they dont do any investigations until you have 3 cases? I dont know how to move forward to ttc in the future whilst being unsure if there has been any damage done and I'll have another ectopic.

It's nice to hear about your husbands cousin. I'm completely understand how you feel. I just feel like it will never happen for us either. It took us ages to get pregnant and I'm scared this will happen again.

Bananaloaf88 Sat 18-Jan-20 14:41:45

@JeffV I think the only option is to try and stay positive. I share all your fears.

This week has been hard. I have had two close friends announce pregnancies this week. One today and one on Monday.

I've just spent 20 mins crying in a car park but I am trying to remind myself that life goes on and not to give up just yet.

JeffV Sat 18-Jan-20 18:11:58

I've got two friend who I'm sure are about to announce their pregancy and I know I will cry so much. I'm sorry @Bananaloaf88 that must have been so hard.

I know @Bumble88 the self blame is so strong. I'm worried I caused this some how. Like the way I was sat all scrunched up in a car for lots days/evening over the 2ww sad

Bumble88 Sun 19-Jan-20 09:52:21

@Bananaloaf88 pregnancy news is really difficult. I know we all still have a chance for that to be us, but it’s difficult to see that and believe it’s going to happen when you’re feeling like this.

Plus my best friend has a little one who is 8 months and so I spend a lot of time socialising with them, it’s so hard not to feel down when I get home, as I just want to be a family so desperately. Can’t wait for my period to come so we can start trying. The want for a baby outweighs the fear of an ectopic.

@JeffV I do the same. I’m just a little bit overweight, and I blame myself worrying that it’s because I’ve not got a perfect flat tummy that this happened! I also sleep on my right side now so I don’t squash my remaining tube - I know it’s SUPER crazy and irrational, but it’s how I feel!!

OP’s posts: |
JeffV Sun 19-Jan-20 11:54:44

I'm the same @Bumble88 I'm convinced I caused this some how and I'm being really irrational about things. Most things I've read online say its likely to be random and that's what my DH says but I just cant stop being crazy about it. What if! What if! What if! sad

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