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Does it get easier?

(5 Posts)
nespressowoo Fri 18-Oct-19 16:36:43

Missed miscarriage in July at 9 weeks. Absolutely devastating as a heart beat was seen two weeks before. Had one also last year.

Everyone around me is getting pregnant. It's so hard. My very good friend told me she was 14 weeks today - she was very sensitive about it but then told me it was an 'accident'.

I've cried the whole way home. I'm absolutely over the moon for her. I just miss the baby that could've been in my tummy so much, the heartbeat that should still be beating.

Do you think baby's suffer when their heart stops beating? I can't stop thinking about this.

OP’s posts: |
nespressowoo Fri 18-Oct-19 18:39:56


OP’s posts: |
tmc14 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:42:42

Hi, I can’t answer your question as I only miscarried last week. I was almost 11 weeks, heartbeat was seen at 8 weeks, stopped at 8.5 weeks.
I did look up pain at this age, and although the nervous system has started to develop, the brain connections aren’t made for the baby to feel pain. So I hope you can take some comfort from that. I think about my baby as just fading away while cosy and loved inside me.
Sending you hugs, I have no idea if it gets easier, but I hope it does. Do you have any counselling available to you? I’ve found friends who’ve miscarried to be a great source of comfort this last week as I know they understand. X

nespressowoo Sat 19-Oct-19 18:39:15

Thank you @tmc14 - so sorry to hear of yours. Its soul destroying isn't it.
Not looked into counselling - it may be worth looking at though.
Sending lots of love your way - hope you're ok x

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PersephoneP Sun 20-Oct-19 03:08:55

I had these same feelings. Also feelings of guilt that I had somehow 'killed' it with anxious thoughts etc etc. But that feeling I think goes away in time, as you are able to rationalise and process what has happened.

BTW IMO it is completely OK to feel upset by pregnant women and newborn babies when you are having a MC and/or struggling to conceive. Even friends with older children can be hard to be around. When I was TTC after two miscarriages, and one year of not getting pregnant at all, one of my best friends started TTC and she got pregnant after ONE sh*g. I was so angry with her. It was completely irrational, but it's also OK. Even pregnant strangers made me cry.

For now, just avoid all the pregnant people as much as possible. Good friends will understand, even if they are pregnant themselves, they can't expect you to expend any energy being happy on their behalf right now. Sounds like your friend is a good one, if she was sensitive when she told you. She will totally understand.

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