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2nd miscarriage feel like I have no one to talk to

(15 Posts)
Claire78564 Thu 03-Oct-19 23:44:16

Hi

I had a mc at 11 weeks kn my 30th birthday in August. We haveen trying been ttc since Oct 2018. First one I was 6 weeks. I was left devastated and have no confidence it will ever happen for us again. Recently my husband has been saying he doesn't want to talk to me about it anymore. He's moved on and doesn't want to wait for me to cat h up. I just don't know if I'm ever going to have a child or be happy again. We saw a private specialist and told me there was nothing wrong with us but that doesn't help my fear. X

OP’s posts: |
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Fri 04-Oct-19 08:00:33

I think men come to terms with it quicker because until a baby actually arrives it's just an idea to them whereas we women "feel" the pregnancy - from the moment we see those 2 lines it's real to us and of course we have to physically go through the loss
I have had 5 mc and 2 ruptured ectopics - my DH won't talk about any of them (not saying he isn't supportive because he is in other ways) but he wants to keep trying every month so I know that he wants this as desperately as I do

I have a notebook I write things in that I can't talk to someone about - having a miscarriage/ectopic/stillbirth is a very lonely experience and unless someone has actually been through it despite their best intentions they are never going to understand what we are going through

Maybe have a couple of months where you're not actively ttc and just enjoying being with each other again

Don't give up x

VenusStarr Fri 04-Oct-19 09:01:30

I'm really sorry for your losses @Claire78564 flowers I've just had my second too and it's devastating. I can totally relate to your fear of never having a baby, I think it's a totally normal part of the grieving process. Some days are better than others. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

With regards to your dh, mine has good and bad days, sometimes he will open up but he doesn't think its helpful to keep going over what ifs. He is much more confident that things will work out for us.

I've found a couple of groups on here that really help me and I offload there.

Xx

Sarahbabs Sun 06-Oct-19 12:45:47

Hey ladies am sorry you're in this boat too, I just had my second loss in 6 months a fortnight ago, whilst on holiday in Spain no less. I don't have any irl friends who have had this experience so it feels so lonely and my OH like many of yours don't seem to have the same feelings of loss so there feels like a gulf there where he goes on with life and I feel lost. These were my first pregnancies and am 37 in Dec so feeling this pressure. I hope we can help each other. I also wrote an article about my experience as I find writing so much easier than talking to people. Perhaps it will help others too it's on metro online metro.co.uk/2019/09/29/nobody-wants-to-hear-about-miscarriage-but-i-need-to-talk-about-mine-10817608/amp/?ito=article.mweb.share.bottom.twitter&__twitter_impression=true

VenusStarr Sun 06-Oct-19 16:06:51

I'm sorry you're in the same situation @Sarahbabs. I read your article earlier this week! It was shared on Instagram. It really helped me to read and I see a lot of myself in your experience. Thank you for sharing ❤️

Sarahbabs Sun 06-Oct-19 16:29:08

Ah thank you for your kind words that's nice to know it was shared and ppl in the same boat found the article helpful. Can I ask where it was shared on insta, was it the metro? Have you had any children before venus, or are you ttc your first? I find it so hard reading the stats I'm terrified this will just keep happening since I've never had a successful pregnancy

LoveRainbow02 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:53:43

Sorry for your loss ladies ❤. I have been through the same twice! Hoping my story will give a little bit of hope to you all but I understand the feeling that you think you may never become mummies. I was ttc my first for 2 years and had various fertility tests and surgery to check my tubes etc. All results came back fine with no underlying problems. I was scheduled to start iui and after 2 years ttc I got pregnant on my own. Shortly after I miscarried at 6 weeks and was utterly devastated and slipped into a depression. I became obsessed with tracking ovulation and tempting etc. 4 months later I got pregnant with my son and had a healthy successful pregnancy after feeling like I would never get pregnant again. It does get a little easier with time but dont give up hope. I just recently had my 2nd mc last week at 5.5 weeks and this has left me feeling a little deflated but I know I have had a successful pregnancy before so I'm going to keep trying and staying hopeful. Good luck ladies 😊 x

VenusStarr Sun 06-Oct-19 18:02:49

Hi @Sarahbabs, just checked and it was shared by the Fertility Network.

I'm ttc my first. We were initially struggling with infertility (or so it seemed) so actually had started tests with the GP. He referred us onto the fertility clinic and I got my first bfp that month (16 months in). We didn't cancel our appointment as the letter came when we were going through the mc. We saw the consultant and he noted the mc but kept us on. We then conceived fairly quickly the second time (within 3 months and I'd had the hsg, dye in tubes test) but had exactly the same type of mc - baby stopped growing around 5 weeks and I mc at 9 weeks. We've never seen a heartbeat. The consultant has referred us onto the recurrent miscarriage clinic and out appointment is in January.

I'm having a hysteroscopy soon to look in my uterus and remove a fibroid. It's our 2 years ttc next month and my first baby's due date.

Have you had any further testing? My GP won't do much, especially as we're under the fertility clinic now, if you haven't if recommend asking for a referral. I was asking him about whether to try baby aspirin next time. It is so awful, I have to not let myself think too much about it as I can't cope with the thought of never having a baby. I'm petried of another pregnancy and miscarriage but more scared of never being a mum. I really hope that we all do get our babies xx

VenusStarr Sun 06-Oct-19 18:27:46

Sorry to hear your experience too @LoveRainbow02, be kind to yourself xx

LoveRainbow02 Sun 06-Oct-19 18:31:13

@VenusStarr After my first mc I decided to try baby aspirin. Not saying it definitely helped me conceive but I took baby aspirin and used preseed the first month back at ttc and I got pregnant. It could just be coincidence but I dont think theres any harm in trying it. Do you track your temps also?

VenusStarr Sun 06-Oct-19 18:38:31

Thanks @LoveRainbow02, I said to dh I'm tempted to try the baby aspirin if we conceive before we see the rmc and he is supportive to try it.

I was temping and using opks for this recent pregnancy. We're on hold until I've had my operation and we said we would casually ttc once I'm recovered, so I won't track anything other than my cervical mucus. My cycles are short, in average 25 days so I can time things pretty well.

Did you take the aspirin from starting ttc or just when you had your bfp?

LoveRainbow02 Sun 06-Oct-19 18:45:10

@VenusStarr I started the aspirin after my first mc when I felt ready to start ttc again. I took this along with folic acid and used preseed throughout my fertile days. Also had my partner on multivitamins too. I dont think I continued the aspirin once I had conceived as I was a little scared. It's a horrible journey ttc when you struggle through it isnt it 😔

Eskelton Sun 13-Oct-19 15:10:15

Hello, wanting advise. Just had a 2nd miscarriage this year at 7.4 weeks. Was at toilet and baby just slipped out after being told at my scan to relax as baby had a strong hb and that the sac looked really healthy . Dr said chances of miscarriage had dropped after what she saw.
I'm numb can't believe it. Went to my GP who has suggested taking asprin if I become pregnant again as I'm 41 he said would take to long for investigations and usually they come back inconclusive, by which time something as simple as asprin could help me along ?

DSch Sun 08-Dec-19 22:53:02

@Sarahbabs I just read your article and it resonates so much with me.thank you for writing it.

I am 37 and started trying in May this year, fell pregnant straight away onky to have a missed miscariage beginning August at 11weeks (when I started to miscarry naturally) both featus stopped growing at around 4 weeks. My body pretended to be pregnant for 7 more weeks how crazy is that?!

After I was sad but picked myself quickly up. One is common its stated online so it was natural.
We fell pregnant in September again, this time had a early private scan to avoid my body playing with me again(somehow I do nit want to waste time) 6weeks plus heartbeat a glimmer of hope. Until I started miscarrying beginnibg november at 9 plus weeks but it looked like another missed miscarriage..

I feel weird, trying to think hey my body knows what it's doing - natural selection. Everyone(gyn/ob) is positive that it is like that. I am struggling to stay positive. I feel I wasted so much time and effort being pregnant without a positive outcome.

At 37 I always thought getting pregnant would be the issue, not staying.

I am unsure if I shall do private testing or not. Feeling I need to do something.

What are you doing?

Thank you again for your article!

Helensss Sat 14-Dec-19 10:14:22

Hi everyone, so sorry about your losses, sorry to jump in! Just wanted to provide a bit of a success story to hopefully help.
I had two miscarriages earlier on in the year and was devastated both times.
I am now 18 weeks pregnant and things are looking good,
I felt like giving up but I’m so glad I didn’t, best of luck to you all ❤️❤️

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