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This just seems so unfair? Has anyone else been through this?

(32 Posts)
mushroommayhem Mon 05-Aug-19 10:27:48

So I thought I was six and a half weeks pregnant.

Had an early scan about 5 weeks because of spotting - she could only see a 'cystic space' but said it was so early that's quite normal and to come back in a few days for a rescan to see the yolk sac.

Returned, and the sonographer could see what she thought was a faint yolk sac, but she couldn't confirm it. Had two blood tests and hcg was high and rising.

Just had a further scan (a week after the last one) and the cystic space has grown but there's no yolk sac still and no embryo at 6.5 weeks so basically no baby.

I'm devastated. I have horrible morning sickness. I want this thing gone but there's no sign of bleeding so they can't see it happening naturally at the moment.

I've been signed off work with a 'delayed miscarriage'.

The cruel thing is I have to go back for another scan in a week before they will give me a D&C or pessary to end this. I have to wait another week feeling sick before I can have help. Apparently the cystic space is 19mm and they have to wait for it to get to 25mm before they can proceed.

They haven't told me WHY this has happened - blighted ovum? I don't know.

I just want this over. This waiting feels so cruel. I refuse to cling to a tiny hope that in a week they'll see something - they know they won't - they've already said they wish they could give me the D&C or pessary but are not allowed.

Has anyone been in this situation? Or just a kind word.

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mushroommayhem Mon 05-Aug-19 14:15:48

Bump?

OP’s posts: |
mushroommayhem Mon 05-Aug-19 19:53:41

Sorry to bump again just hoping someone might come along

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AAHL Mon 05-Aug-19 20:21:47

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I didn't go through the same thing as you so cannot completely understand but I did have a long wait to finally have it all over. I had 4 different scans in the space of 6 weeks after some spotting early pregnancy. First three were all uncertain but one even saw a flutter of a heartbeat. Sadly the fourth was where I got the news that the baby was still there but no growth or heartbeat. But I have to say that waiting was what broke me. I then had my D&C 4 days after finding out. Even the wait for that was awful. I just couldn't do anything else but think about it and cry. Once the D&C was over I did feel relief. It was like my worst nightmare had come true, but I got through it so there was some hope for me. 3 weeks later and I am feeling more and more myself every day. You can then begin to move on and accept what has happened. I can only imagine this wait for you being even harder. It does seem very cruel and unfair. Just be open to all distractions that come your way, and hopefully this week will go quickly for you. Sorry again that you are having to go through it.

BirdsAndBlips Mon 05-Aug-19 20:29:39

Hi, going through exactly the same thing as you with exact same dates. I suggest you have a loot at Reddit miscarriage section.
Criteria I could gather are 25mm with no embryo / and or / if yolk sac seen but no embryo rescan in 11days / and or / bHCG 48hrs raising <35%
It's horrible to have to wait I'm right here with you, really unfair

BirdsAndBlips Mon 05-Aug-19 20:32:26

Oh and also it happens because of a fluke, chromosomal issue, it's not something you did

mushroommayhem Mon 05-Aug-19 21:25:03

@AAHL thank you so much for sharing your story and sorry for your loss too.

I agree, the waiting and knowing there's no hope is so cruel. I feel so angry with my stupid body for first doing this, then even more so not recognising the non viable pregnancy itself.

Can I ask whether you had the D&C under a local or general anaesthetic if you don't mind sharing?

God it's such a horrible thing thanks

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mushroommayhem Mon 05-Aug-19 21:29:15

@BirdsAndBlips thanks for replying and I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing - can't believe you're at the same stage too. thanks hope you have RL support.

I've been doing some research and came to the same conclusions - it seems that only in the last few years have they had the 25mm rule and in the US it's 16mm and then they will allow miscarriage management options.

Do you know how large your sac is measuring?

I'm so scared of going back on Monday and it hasn't reached 25mm and having to wait more - this is really fucking with my mental health and just desperate for it to be over now! Although I think she said it would be okay to have D&C as it will have been over two weeks from my initial scan.

Really hope my body recognises this soon and starts the process prior to next Monday!

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BirdsAndBlips Mon 05-Aug-19 21:34:02

My sac is 5mm but there's no embryo and my betas have gone from 600 to 1100 in 7 days so I'm discussing options with my dr tomorrow morning.
Hugs to you

mushroommayhem Mon 05-Aug-19 21:35:34

Thanks @BirdsAndBlips and to you too.
Fingers crossed you at least come away with some more knowledge and options tomorrow x

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AAHL Tue 06-Aug-19 06:42:06

@mushroommayhem I really think it does help hearing others stories of similar things doesn't it. I felt like that about my body too, I was just lightly spotting for so long, it was just heart breaking going to the toilet every time but not every really knowing what was going on, and I just felt like my body would never miscarry naturally. That's why I went for the D&C option. I went under general anaesthetic - it was the first time I had ever had a general so I was nervous about that but I'm so glad I did it. Just waking up from it and it all being done/over with was what I needed. I also had hardly any bleeding or pains after really, just the few day or two. So my recovery physically was really positive.

How are you feeling about it all today? When is your scan?

AAHL Tue 06-Aug-19 06:42:17

@mushroommayhem I really think it does help hearing others stories of similar things doesn't it. I felt like that about my body too, I was just lightly spotting for so long, it was just heart breaking going to the toilet every time but not every really knowing what was going on, and I just felt like my body would never miscarry naturally. That's why I went for the D&C option. I went under general anaesthetic - it was the first time I had ever had a general so I was nervous about that but I'm so glad I did it. Just waking up from it and it all being done/over with was what I needed. I also had hardly any bleeding or pains after really, just the few day or two. So my recovery physically was really positive.

How are you feeling about it all today? When is your scan?

Willowjasmine Thu 08-Aug-19 13:00:24

@mushroommayhem I could have written your post myself. I'm supposed to be 7+6 And had some spotting a few weeks ago. First ultrasound 10 days ago - gestational sac, no yolk sac, no fetal pole. Hcg taken 3x, rising each time, just under doubling. Went this morning for second ultrasound - sac was slightly bigger and still can't see anything inside it. They have asked me to come back in a week and if no significant process it's a missed miscarriage and been given the same options as you. Horrendous nausea and dizziness, constant reminder my body thinks I'm pregnant and obviously I'm not. Stupid me. It took 18 months, 5 rounds of Clomid and a hsg to get this pregnancy and it's over before it even began.

I too asked if I could get the management over and done with now, but they said no in case they terminate a viable pregnancy (even though they don't think it is, they have to be certain)

Currently have lost the will to live. Sorry for my extrmeley self-pitying post. I just wanted to you to know I know EXACTLY how you feel.

mushroommayhem Thu 08-Aug-19 14:44:54

@Willowjasmine I'm so sorry you're in the same shitty boat!

I agree it's awful - I'm so angry that my stupid body isn't recognising this as the farce it is.

My HCG was also rising, and I could tell they also thought mine was totally non-viable from the start but I still had hope until the last scan.

Now I know it's over I just want some sodding closure.

You're not alone. Have they given you some sort of idea as to when they may offer you the management options? For me they said about the sac growing to 25mm but also something about two weeks between scans. I think there are loads of criteria though.

I actually begged them to treat me. I was so bloody upset. I know rationally they can't but can't stand this waiting.

I don't think my body is going to do this naturally.

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Willowjasmine Thu 08-Aug-19 16:00:05

@mushroommayhem they've basically said if the sac doesn't grow more than a specific amount (can't remember how much they said they have a chart) then they will offer me management at the next scan appt which is Friday. I asked for d&c because I just want to get it over with, but they are recommending pessaries as she's worried a d&c may increase my risk of infertility. I too sobbed and said what's the point in waiting, please do it now. But I guess they have to be sure.

They also offered to do another HCG blood test today, but it wouldn't make a difference as to when they would do the next scan so I decided against it. It would be worse knowing for definite while waiting for treatment.

I agree, the waiting is literal torture. The time between each appt feels like 5 years. The time spent in the waiting area feels like 15 hours each time. Today was the worst, seeing other women at the EPU coming out of scans with huge smiles on their faces.

When is your next scan? To top it all off, just been to the toilet and had some light bleeding. Don't know if it's from the internal scan or maybe a mc is starting?? What to do.

Ohyesiam Thu 08-Aug-19 16:02:30

So sorry opflowersflowersflowers
Yes it’s s horrible horrible time. My heart goes out to you x

mushroommayhem Thu 08-Aug-19 16:13:04

@Willowjasmine God it's horrible in the EPU. I must've frightened the rest of the women when I came out of my last scan with mascara down my face!

My next scan is on Monday which is when they'll discuss my options with me - and I'm also very lightly bleeding. I did also have bleeding or spotting after the vaginal scans though so could be that for you?

I've had a couple of tiny tiny clots in it today, which is new, and just continuing spotting/light bleeding. But I've had the spotting throughout so not getting my hopes up that I'll have a natural mc (ha! Imagine getting our hopes up for a MC! Never thought I'd be in that position!!)

I haven't decided what I'm going to have yet but I was also thinking the pessaries just because I hate the idea of a general anaesthetic. Am considering the D&C too but I have no idea. I didn't know it was said to affect fertility?

They haven't fully discussed it with me though and won't until Monday I don't think. I actually will feel suicidal if they make me wait past Monday.

To make things worse I've got a baby shower coming up and visiting a relatives new baby tonight.

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mushroommayhem Thu 08-Aug-19 16:13:24

@Ohyesiam thank you thanksthanks

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Willowjasmine Thu 08-Aug-19 16:54:30

@mushroommayhem I'm so sorry you're going through this too sad but I feel so much less alone knowing someone knows what this is like.

It could be from the scan? I didn't have any last time though so I don't know. I too have had spotting pretty much since my period was due but always very light and pinky. This was definitely red. Had to laugh at your hope for a mc lol I had said exactly the same thing to my DH. What has it come to. Is this your first pregnancy?

I feel your pain. One family member has just had a baby last week and another has just had ivf so no doubt will announce her pregnancy soon. I may just jump off a bridge. Be kind to yourself. If it will be too hard attending both things, just make an excuse and say you have a fever and don't want to pass it on to baby/expectant mother.

Regarding the d&c she said there was a risk of perforating the uterus or damaging the endometrium. I think for a normal person the risk is minimal but because I have "subfertility" she doesn't want to do anything that could make things worse in future. Plus like you said the general anaesthetic would be awful.

Did you say you've been signed off work? They haven't said anything to me about not going to work. If the bleeding carries on I'll just have to call in.

Sami121 Thu 08-Aug-19 19:07:28

I'm sorry for your loss x
This is my experience.
I started to have brown discharge/blood on the 13th of last month. I went in for a scan, I would of been going on for 10 weeks. They told me the baby was only measuring 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat.
I opted to pass it naturally at home,which is something I don't think I would do again if I had to I am still bleeding now. Almost 3 weeks since the miscarriage, 4 weeks of bleeding. It has slowed down a bit but I feel like its really beginning to drive me crackers
I really just want the bleeding to stop so can start ttc again.

mushroommayhem Fri 09-Aug-19 19:42:33

@Willowjasmine

Same to you - it's horrible that you're in the same situation but it's so bloody soul destroying it's good to know we're not alone in going through it 💓

Has anything happened for you yet? No bleeding or anything for me. Losing hope that it'll happen. I rang EPU today as I want all the info ahead of my scan on Monday so I can make the decision and move forward quickly.

I wanted the D&C with local anaesthetic which they do offer but the surgeon who does it is on annual leave for two weeks and I can't wait that long!

So I think I'm going to have to go with general as at least then I can plan to not be alone and hopefully have a faster recovery. But I'm shit scared of general anaesthetic a so that's fun!

I actually feel suicidal today. I've suffered with well managed depression for years but the last few I've been so happy. This has brought so much to the surface. I'm going to have to insist they book me in ASAP on Monday as I'm scared for my MH at the moment. This lonely wait is killing me. I'm sure you can relate.

I had some red after one of my ultrasounds too - just various types of bleeding throughout the whole thing just none when I bloody want it!! How are you doing today? Any sign of a natural MC? Hope you're feeling okay and keeping on keeping on.

Yes. She insisted on signing me off but I almost wish I hadn't been as it hasn't helped being at home! Although had a lovely walk with the dog earlier that brightened my mood. Think they only did it because of how distraught I was to be honest!! I must've seemed like a crazy woman!!

The woman I spoke to on the phone at EPU did explain all the options to me really well so maybe try ringing them as well to see if there's anything else they can offer surgically? I know there's an aspiration type of D&C? With the pessaries I'd take some time off work and just try and relax at home.

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mushroommayhem Fri 09-Aug-19 19:45:07

So sorry this happened to you @Sami121 thanks

I really hope your bleeding stops and fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy soon!

I'm thinking I will have the D&C just to get this over and done with even though the idea of the general anaesthetic is scary.

How long did it take for you to MC naturally if you don't mind me asking?

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Willowjasmine Fri 09-Aug-19 20:13:01

@mushroommayhem still nothing for me yet either. A few random cramps but nothing coming of it. I decided against going to work and have asked the hospital for a sicknote, hopefully I'll be able to collect it tomorrow.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. How is your partner taking it? I'm similar, I have generally well managed anxiety but the past few years have just been brutal with deaths in the family and now this. Genuinely wondering what the point even is. Maybe life is just telling me to give up. I said this to my husband and now he's worried. I feel like I'm being so dramatic. I guess the hormones don't help. Feel fraudulant for being so upset when it was only a few weeks into the pregnancy.

I really hope you get to have it on Monday. waiting 2 weeks would just be cruel. The GA will be scary but the blessing will be that you're asleep and won't know what's going on.

Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life? Past few days I've had a few friends I've spoken to a lot but since I found out yesterday I don't want to speak to anyone. It honestly is the loneliest time ever. I'm glad you've got your dog, they're great therapy. My cat has been uncharacteristically nice and cuddly to me, so things must be bad 🙄

Roxy8203 Mon 12-Aug-19 09:56:05

Sorry for what you're going through. I had a missed miscarriage last month and got sent away twice to wait another week. It felt so cruel just being house bound not knowing what to expect.

I was sent away the second time as they said the measurements had got bigger even though there was no heartbeat and the sac was shrinking. She suggested it was probably breaking down but couldn't give me treatment until waiting another week.

I understand the reason she wouldn't declare it but it was a tough thing to go through.

I hope you get some help soon x

APinkMouse Mon 12-Aug-19 18:15:50

Back to update - I'm mushroom, just a different name!

@Willowjasmine Sorry to hear you're feeling just as shitty. Did you manage to get your doctor's note? I hope so!

I also have anxiety and it's been bloody hell going through this and that's without suffering other bereavements - keep on keeping on, you're very strong  and you're right that the hormones certainly don't help.

Any news with you? 🤞

@Roxy8203 thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry you've experienced this too thanks the wait is definitely the worst bit I think. Did you have treatment or did it happen naturally for you? Hope you're recovering well now.

So I had ANOTHER scan today. Sac has grown to 26mm and they finally gave me my management options. Had a really nice nurse this time which made things easier. She moved things around and got me an appointment early tomorrow morning for the MVA treatment which is under local anaesthetic and she will be there at the head end to help me through. That's the treatment I wanted but initially was worried I wouldn't get as the usual surgeon is on leave, but she fixed it with someone else and really tried hard to get me what I wanted.

I have to have some pre meds and then go through to surgery and they'll inject my cervix before completing it. She warned me it's a very stark and clinical environment and my legs will be in high stirrups which will be uncomfortable. But only half an hour. I consented to another surgeon being present who's training in this procedure. The more they have the better for other women I suppose, although I don't imagine it'll be pleasant. DP can also come in with me and hold my hand - another reason I wanted local.

I am nervous as hell. But it'll be all over and I'll be in recovery by tomorrow morning.

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