Desperation

[Megabustravelling]

Hello
I had a miscarriage back in April and I just feel awful inside. I am literally desperate to be pregnant again and all I can feel inside is genuine longing and sadness that I'm not. I just took a test and got a bfn, due af on Sunday. I have spent a bit of time every day for the last week just sobbing because of the situation. I am having trouble getting to sleep at night and I feel so much anger and despair. I just don't know what to do. 😭😭

[TakeMe2Insanity]

Just be kind to yourself. This is such a hard heart breaking process. Take each day as it comes. One step at a time.

[yellowgreenbluepurple]

Give yourself time, it's okay to not be okay! Give yourself time to grieve, I completely understand the desperate need to be pregnant again. I felt completely the same. Took me a couple of months but my next pregnancy went without a problem xxx

[cavapoobags]

Sorry for your loss. It's really hard and it's normal to feel that longing. I think it's worse as you got what you wanted, to get pregnant, then it's sadly taken away.

I found the first few months the worst and for me, my cycles were all messed up, so I think it takes a while for things to settle. Emotionally it takes even longer.

You will read stories of people getting pregnant immediately after a miscarriage, but that's not my experience or that for two other friends that I know have had miscarriages. Whilst there is no need to wait to try (as you know), I think 6 months is a good recovery time both physically and mentally, although I will always think about my loss.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I had a MC in January. I have felt that desperate emptiness ever since. It was made all the worse when someone at work announced her pregnancy yesterday.

Op, I have no words of wisdom but just the knowledge that you are not alone. I hope things get better for you soon.

[Dre3000]

Hi OP. I am sorry for your loss. I could have written your post. I had a miscarriage in May. I have been feeling so sad and frustrated ever since and I just want to be pregnant again. I've also been taking pregnancy tests and all are negative. I decided to get some counseling to help me through and I had my first session last week. Really I think I need it to cope with what may come, it may take us a while or a long time to conceive again or I may have another miscarriage. I feel I need help dealing with this. It's early days but I'm glad I decided to go speak to someone. Would you consider it? Your maternity hospital can put you in touch with the service if you want to go for it. Sending good vibes your way

[cheeseislife8]

So sorry you're suffering OP. I've been there too, and I know there's nothing that can be said to make it feel any better but I'm thinking of you

[JessyClaireS]

Hi sorry for everyone’s loss :( I sympathise. I had a miscarriage at just shy of 12 weeks, in March. It was my first pregnancy and had ripped me apart :( myself and my partner was so excited and it was brutally took away from us. We want to try again but I have had a stump in feelings towards getting intimate again. I don’t feel attractive anymore since it’s happened, I feel gross. All can keep thinking is how my partner seen everything come away, feel like I’ve lost my dignity. He is amazing and told me to not be silly and I’m beautiful but although he constantly reassures me, I don’t feel any better about myself. Anyone else feel like this ??

[sadtoday21]

@JessyClaireS me, I do! Also had an mmc at 12 weeks in February, also my first pregnancy. Also feeling desperate to get pregnant again and sad, as well as unattractive too. You are totally not alone in this. My best friend just had a baby and my other friend is due one month after I would have been due in August. I hate how sad that makes me feel and how angry that I've just been so unlucky and they are all so blissfully unaware of how cruel life can be and actually complain about pregnancy. Sorry. Just feeling a bit down about the whole thing from time to time still.

[MrsMGE]

@JessyClaireS Reading your post made me very sad. I'm so sorry you've been through this, and that you're feeling like this now. My first thought was that your partner must think that you are a very brave, strong woman after you've been through this and he's witnessed it. You need to realise that you've given birth, sadly not in the circumstances that we all wish for, but you've done it! You've gone through early labour. There is nothing, and I really stress this word, nothing about this, that should make you feel like you've lost your dignity. On the contrary, it's a huge, huge achievement and a testimony to your strength.

I've been through it a week and a half ago. My husband said he has never felt so helpless watching me and that the fact that he couldn't do anything has traumatised him. He was also angry at how poorly I was treated by the hospital. But I can reassure you, no man in this world would find you less attractive after something like this. Talk to your partner and I'm sure you'll find out that he probably felt the same and perhaps he doesn't know how to approach you about this. It's such a sensitive time, we are feeling fragile, shocked, upset, we're grieving, our bodies and hormones are all over the place. It's not easy for anyone around us either.

But please, please, give yourself credit that you massively deserve after what you've been through. You're a beautiful lady and a beautiful person

On a personal note, I'm trying to be cheery all the time, but I'm having a bad day today. I am full of sadness and grief. Just not in a mood for anything, dreading going to work tomorrow. But it is a bad day, it will pass.

For days after my MC I felt awful, I was crying my eyes out that I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life (progesterone kicked in big time during my pregnancy and also I literally lived off carbs as could not stomach anything else). I never felt good about my body in my life, even when I was a size 8 (I'm a fat 12 or a 14 now). I thought because of this I would end up having another MC cause I won't shed it fast enough before TTC again. I was devastated that I couldn't exercise cause I felt so poorly. I thought I may not even succeed in conceiving when all I heard was that you "should go for it within 6 mths after MC" . Vicious circle. Honestly, the things that go through your mind are horrible sometimes. But they simply aren't true. We need to reign those horrible thoughts in, in every possible way, otherwise we'll stay in this very dark place which doesn't help us in any way. I keep distracting myself and now I'm slowly back to exercising and eating better. I chose not to put pressure on myself and I do little things every day, walk more, go for a short run, do some gardening. Every little helps. The weight is dropping, surprisingly quicker than I thought.

I think we should have massive respect towards our bodies after what we've been through, I am pretty amazed we did this and bounced back afterwards. So please don't feel bad about yourself, you really are amazing ❤️ xxx

[MrsMGE]

And much love to all the posters on here, I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️🙏 Keep strong ladies ❤️

[JessyClaireS]

@sadtoday21 @MrsMGS I’m so so sorry to hear what you have been through. It’s suchs awful thing. Thank you so much girls for getting back to me, it’s comforting to hear your not alone and it’s normal what you are feeling. It’s really appreciated it really is. It must be so hard to talk about your stories. Your both so right! And I can proper relate. It’s sucha taboo subject it needs speaking about more. You both given good advice. Exactly my partner might be feeling the same as me, we need to sit and talk. He said what happened hasn’t and wouldn’t change how he feels about me it’s only made us stronger but I need to start realising it in my own head. Aww thank you lady’s means so much. I wish you both and your hubbies well. Keep chins up! Us women are amazing!! Thanks you so much for the advice it’s put a smile on my face xx

[JessyClaireS]

@MrsMGE (my apologies I put S instead of E) x

[JessyClaireS]

Both of you are so strong 💪🏼 keep going girlies. All of you in-fact. @MrsMGE you sound so level headed and focused, very brave. @sadtoday21 I felt the same too, my best friend was pregnant at same time as me, she was due just 3 weeks before me. And I’m sooooo jealous! I shouldn’t be cuz she my best mate!! I feel so bad but argh. But I feel your pain. Our time will come to be mommy’s just now wasn’t the right time. But like you’s said we have to give ourselves a break!! We are beautiful and did a magnificent thing. This is what we have to keep telling ourselves xxx

[MrsMGE]

@JessyClaireS You're already a mummy, and forever will be, even if your baby is not next to you right now ❤️ That is true, I am level-headed mostly because my job requires me to be. I'm a lawyer and often have to be the voice of reason for my clients. But that made it a lot worse for me when it comes to miscarriage as no one understands the reason, no one even investigates it until it happens to you three times in a row and generally speaking, I have had a massive feeling of unfairness. I wanted my baby more than anything, we both did, and yet it is what happened. It's an emotional event, a tragedy, and being a strongly rational person doesn't make it easier to process, believe me. I had to dig deep.

@sadtoday21 I feel resentful towards those who have never had a miscarriage and popped out their beautiful perfect baby, or several babies, without any issues (and who often brag about this). In fact I feel my blood pressure raises so much that I have to avoid them. It is part of our own grieving process and we shouldn't feel bad about this. This feeling will pass, it's only because we've recently been through a huge trauma. Lots of love xxx

[MrsMGE]

Plus, I tell myself that everyone goes through something really hard in their life, or they will do so if they haven't yet. It's the way life goes unfortunately. And I know no one would look at me from the outside and guess I've just been to hell and back. Equally I look at people around me and may not always know what they've actually been through or what's around the corner for them. I think eventually this thought is going to overcome the feeling of resentment.

[JessyClaireS]

@MrsMGE awwww that’s a beautiful way to think of it ❤️ Our baby’s are in heaven playing with the angels now. all respect to you, in a high profile job people expect you to be strong because that’s what your job entails. And I completely get this as I in military. But we are human and have human emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel! Much love x

[MrsMGE]

@JessyClaireS I completely agree, you gotta let the emotional side take over at times like this and do what you need to do. We're not machines, we have feelings, and we are allowed to show them. Lots of love to you too x

[JessyClaireS]

Thank you ladies for all the advice it’s made me breath a sign of relief. It’s sucha terrible thing to have to go through. I hope sharing stories has helped you too. X

[MrsMGE]

It definitely helps me, I have a lot more faith and take more comfort in talking to people who have been through it than to professionals (therapists etc.). It just doesn't sit right with me personally.

Glad you're feeling calmer now @JessyClaireS, and hope you have a good night sleep. This also helps big time, we need a lot of energy now. Take care lovely xx

[JessyClaireS]

Ah definitely 100% agree! Much calmer thank you. Brill glad you feel good too. Well as good as you can be of course. You too have a nice evening. Take care look after yourself x

[MrsMGE]

Feeling rubbish today, there's no two ways of putting it! And nothing specific has happened, I wish I could pin it down to an event, a comment or a person, but no. I'm just terribly sad and not comfortable with it cause I don't know what to do and it's not like me. Grief is so, so powerful.

I hope you're all having a better day than me today ❤️

[LillyLeaf]

Mind if I join? I'm really struggling today. I had my first MC in February then another 2 weeks ago, both IVF. My work is annoying me and I just want to quit and cry today. I think I'm just aware I should be heavily pregnant now and thinking about going on maternity leave in August, but no, I'm no further along. I really hope it's just hormones making me feel this shit today. Sorry for the miserable rant.

[MrsMGE]

Aw @LillyLeaf. I'm so sorry you're not feeling great today either. I really sympathise, my baby was due straight after Christmas and I kept lots of my annual leave to ensure I'm off till the New Years and then go on Mat Leave. Now I'm stuck with lots of it, absolutely zero appetite for planning anything (plus we will be TTC again as soon as we can, so a total limbo anyway) and the thought I'll be working Christmas and then for many months after is really bringing me down. To make it worse I saw my work colleague who is now 14 wks and she looks SO pregnant it's unbelievable. I only know how far along she is because she announced it on Instagram the day after I posted that I've lost my baby. Must have missed my post 🙄😖 Anyway, that's enough for me to take a huge dislike towards her at the moment.

I really wish I could bounce back to my usual self, but everyone who has been through it told me it takes time and there will be good and bad days. So here is my second bad day and counting.

All I will say is that you're definitely not alone. And we got to have faith that things will be more positive, eventually. Sending yoh lots of love and strength 😘

[JessyClaireS]

Aw ladies so sorry for how you are feeling today. I feel the same id be considering when to take maternity leave too as would be due September. And yea Christmas is a sad thought too isn’t it cuz it would of been baby’s first Xmas 😢 try not to be too down ladies. Easier said than done. Try look to the future. X

[MrsMGE]

I wish I could recharge my batteries, but I'm having terrible nights sleep which probably doesn't help. I think I might get some Kalms or something just to take the edge off. The miscarriage trauma has also translated itself into an unreasonable fear that my husband/loved ones/pets will die soon. I can't explain this, it makes no sense, but apparently it does happen after a traumatic experience. It's bloody awful to feel this way.

I'm taking a few days off soon and working from home for part of the week this week. I'm definitely putting myself first, I just can't and don't want to be feeling like this all the time. X