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I lost my baby today.

(14 Posts)
Whyhaveidonethis Tue 21-May-19 00:24:22

I only found out I was pregnant last week. It was super early. I was 4+5 today and I can't stop crying. I feel so alone, and stupid for feeling so overwhelmed by emotions. I know it was so early, I know that we can try again but it just hurts so much right now.

I knew something was wrong. Almost straight away. I just felt it. I knew it wasn't sticky. I've got 3 other children and somehow this felt different. I keep thinking that maybe it was me thinking this that made it happen, even though logically I know that is not true.

I know no one can say anything to make me feel better, but I kind of just wanted to post to acknowledge that I was pregnant. That this baby existed.

OP’s posts: |
DramaAlpaca Tue 21-May-19 00:26:29

I'm so very sorry about your baby flowers <<hugs>>

Mummaofmytribe Tue 21-May-19 00:26:31

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby flowers

AlunWynsKnee Tue 21-May-19 00:30:12

It's the loss of the life you believed in however briefly that was. Be kind to yourself flowers

Whyhaveidonethis Tue 21-May-19 00:31:57

Thank you everyone. I just can't seem to settle. I'm having quite bad cramps and feel so alone. I really appreciate all your kind words.

OP’s posts: |
madroid Tue 21-May-19 00:36:32

It's funny when you know things aren't right. I've heard a few friends say that and felt it myself. I had a 'missed' mc at 11 weeks. I had actually had two other mc and not been very affected by them. But the third one floored me for some reason. It's a very lonely experience even though up to a quarter of pregnancies are thought to end with mc

I think you have to allow yourself to grieve. Give in to it. Take time off and treat yourself as if you're recovering. I took a month in the end. Felt very guilty about it at the time but looking back I think it did allow me to to properly come to terms with it. You will feel better with time. I'm sure the medical professionals will have told you it's not your fault. Most mc are for no known reason.

It's not your fault. Just something was wrong this time.

Look after yourself flowers

Whyhaveidonethis Tue 21-May-19 00:42:10

Thank you for your kind words @madroid it's strange isn't it. I just knew something was wrong. I can't explain it. I saw my director at work today and burst into tears. She snwt me home thank goodness as I started bleeding heavily as soon as I got in the door.

I can't believe I feel this bereft.

OP’s posts: |
Apileofballyhoo Tue 21-May-19 00:43:03

I'm sorry, OP. Whatever feelings you have, they are real and valid. He or she was your little tiny baby. I lost a baby at 11.5 weeks. It's a few years ago now but I am still sad when I think of it and the sadness remains even though life goes on. Allow yourself to grieve. flowers

AnneTwackie Tue 21-May-19 12:00:42

How are you feeling today OP? I think I am having a miscarriage, started bleeding yesterday and a scan today to confirm. I was 8 weeks. Feel the same as you, like because I didn’t have faith in this one it gave up on me. I have other children and count my blessings but god this is hard.

Whyhaveidonethis Tue 21-May-19 13:12:21

@AnneTwackie I think I feel a bit better since this morning. I cried until 1am and finally spoke to my sister who was amazing.

It's hard because I keep going over everything I felt and did and trying to see hearer it went wrong which I know is an exercise in futility

OP’s posts: |
Whyhaveidonethis Tue 21-May-19 13:14:59

@AnneTwackie apologies I posted too soon. I'm so sorry you are going through this too. It's just so hard when you are so excited to see that BFP. It's like you are losing your future in some way. Found this quote which kind of made sense.

OP’s posts: |
stucknoue Tue 21-May-19 13:20:05

thanks hugs

AnneTwackie Tue 21-May-19 13:30:42

I also keep trying to count my blessings. I’d take this pain any day over anything happening to the children I have. I wish I knew why but then they say at this stage it’s more often than not something not right with the baby, so I’m glad neither we or the baby had to go through any pain further down the line.

CookieBlue Tue 21-May-19 14:05:56

So sorry OP. I went through the same thing in January this year and was quite shocked at how much it absolutely floored me. All I can say is that it does get easier, those first few days/weeks are the worst but the pain does start to ease. I also found talking to people and being open about what had happened was a huge weight off my chest. Take care of yourself flowers

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