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Will anyone understand?

(11 Posts)
pregancy123 Mon 25-Mar-19 20:39:52

Hi,

This is my first time posting on anything like this, but tonight I found myself feeling like really know one understands. Of course everyone try's but I'm particularly struggling with my partners family.

I've had 2 miscarriages and now a ectopic pregnancy.

Has anyone else had the same and ever had a positive outcome?

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Mon 25-Mar-19 21:02:15

pregancy123 I am afraid I cannot say from experience but I think you may be better offlooking for medical evidence rather than just asking for experiences.

www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/trying-to-conceive/

"This is an emotional time and some women are desperate to try to conceive again after an ectopic pregnancy whereas others are frightened and feel they need more time to emotionally and physically recover. Everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong decision when choosing to wait or try again quickly for another baby.
It is likely you have been advised to wait for three months or two full menstrual cycles (periods), whichever is the soonest, before trying to conceive. The bleed that occurs in the first week or so of treatment for an ectopic pregnancy is not your first period. It is the bleed that occurs in response to falling hormones associated with the lost pregnancy.

Statistically, the chances of having a future successful pregnancy are very good and 65% of women are healthily pregnant within 18 months of an ectopic pregnancy. Some studies suggest this figure rises to around 85% over 2 years. Your chance of conceiving depends very much on the health of your tubes."

May be a support group would be a good place to find out medical advice as well.

Italiangreyhound Mon 25-Mar-19 21:02:47

Re "I'm particularly struggling with my partners family." What's the issue with the in-laws?

pregancy123 Mon 25-Mar-19 21:23:48

Thank you for replying.

Bare with me it's a long one.

It's such a long story but so many digs have been thrown in my direction regarding how I've coped with things.

I went through a little stage of wanting to hide away from the world, this is with my first miscarriage. It was such a awful experience as I left it really late to get to the hospital and ended up being admitted due to the amount of blood I lost. I became very poorly very quickly. Everyone tried their best to support us but they admitted they just couldn't understand what we was going through. I appreciated the effort though.

After this I was so heartbroken and locked myself away. I did return to work a week later and tried to get on with my life.

I then had a second miscarriage, during this time. my sister in law told everyone she was 12 weeks pregnant ( the whole family knew but they all decided it wasn't a good idea to tell me)

So everyone kept this huge secret for 3 months, I eventually got told and was happy for her of course. However her reaction towards me was " I've not been able to enjoy my pregnancy because your misscarriages, no one wants to be happy for me etc"

I felt awful for her that she couldn't enjoy her pregnancy because my losses so went to see my in laws. They told me that they basically they couldn't enjoy it because they was concerned about me, that only they knew about the pregnancy and her and her husband.

It was a really hard time, they all lied to me a lot and eventually we had a big family falling out, I was heartbroken as never fell out with my partners family before.

I end up finding out that the whole family knew including my young nieces. Who at any given time could of mentioned it. Everyone knew and everyone hid it. I just felt really upset. They explained that they was just trying to protect me and I accepted that.

Then this evening my partners mum has now come at me for sending a text message, she seems to interfere with a lot and I simply asked her lot to.

She basically was trying to organise a family holiday for her birthday.

I said I would message my work due to being off currently ( I've just had a ectopic 4 days ago) I messaged my manager and let her know in the morning.

She then went and messaged a manger who works at my employment ( her niece) the thing is - I've really been trying to keep my work life and home life separate for so many different reasons. I asked her not to do this in future as it wasn't fair on my work place to feel pressure of my mother in law to let me have time off work.

My work said I couldn't have it off as too many people was already off which I understood, my mother in law was upset because she thinks I should be aloud it off and Really doesn't understand the whole job situation.

She blew it out of proportion saying I needed to always be careful round her. That I'm always saying wrong things.

Also she really had an opinion on mine and my partners reaction towards our misscarriage and how we coped with it as a couple.

I feel like everyone's on at me and I can't do anything right. I've only just come out of surgery 4 days ago for an ectopic pregnancy. I've not been feeling well and my partner only seems to care about how his mum is feeling.

There so much more to this all but it's just such a long story.

Am I in the wrong here?

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Tue 26-Mar-19 01:08:34

Of course you are not in the wrong! You are being wronged.

"I've not been feeling well and my partner only seems to care about how his mum is feeling. "

Do you love your partner and does he love you? How committed to you is he? Is he a good, kind and loving man?

If not, I would seriously think whether you want to be tied to this man.

If he is a good man he needs to know his FIRST responsibility is to you! He needs to cut the air in strings and grow the fuck up.

Can I ask if you are in the UK? Are you both British? It sounds like his family are stiffling you.

Sorry OP your sister in law is an utter bitch too for saying that. I would distance myself from her. angry sad

"I felt awful for her that she couldn't enjoy her pregnancy because my losses..." Don't feel bad for her, whatever she feels is her business. Knowing about your losses should have made her have a more generous spirit, not a spiteful one!

I believe they probably were trying to protect you. Having had fertility issues myself I do know people tend to tip toe around you to avoid upsetting you. It's their choice how they handle it. It is not your fault.

Your mother in law sounds like a totally inappropriate interfering person to speak to someone at your work place. That is ridiculous!

"She blew it out of proportion saying I needed to always be careful round her. That I'm always saying wrong things. "

Sounds like she is the one saying the wrong things to the wrong people - ie your work. I would definitely not want to go on holiday with her and I would tell her never to contact my work again.

"Also she really had an opinion on mine and my partners reaction towards our misscarriage and how we coped with it as a couple."

Not her place to say. I just would not listen. Walk away any time she says anything you don't want to hear. Go to the loo. Go to get something from the car etc. If at your house get up and make a cuppa. Do not be in ear shot of her if she is saying harmful things.

How long have you and your partner been together?

He is failing you miserably by putting his mum first. I am so sorry you are dealing with this shit.

Italiangreyhound Tue 26-Mar-19 01:10:46

cut the apron strings.

My son is only tiny now but if he behaved like your partner, when older, I would feel so ashamed.

Do you have friends, family, supporters?

andbreatheagain Tue 26-Mar-19 08:22:38

Hey hun did you doctor not sign you off work following your ectopic? I too had 2 miscarriages and then a ruptured ectopic last year - I was signed off for 6 weeks but did go back after a couple of weeks as felt like I was going crazy at home on my own

pregancy123 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:35:26

Thank you for confirming how I've been feeling. I didn't think I was but started to doubt myself when everyone seems to be disagreeing with me.

Yes me and my partner love each other so much. He's been brilliant, but he's just really struggling with holding his family together too. It doesn't help he works with them so it's never an escape with all this.

My sister in law and I fell out massively but since this she has been supportive. It's just the mother in law I'm struggling with. I've never heard her once say sorry to anyone however everyone else seems to always be apologising.

She used to be like this with my sister in law and I used to think my sister in law was over reacting but now I can see what she means. It's like she chooses someone to have a target on their back and then she can't stop seeing wrong in us all.

I'm defo going to take your advice and keep my distance. I'm glad you have confirmed I'm not being a daughter in law from hell after all!!

Yes, I've been signed off for two weeks now. I've been to the doctors today and they said I have a temp and I'm looking abit pale and hands and feet look purple. They are running some emergency bloods and going to call me back this afternoon. ( I've been feeling like the rooms been spinning) xx

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Tue 26-Mar-19 16:27:04

"Yes me and my partner love each other so much. He's been brilliant" I'm really glad to hear that.

"... he's just really struggling with holding his family together too. It doesn't help he works with them so it's never an escape with all this."

Why does he need to hold his family together? What's 'threatening' his family?

pregancy123 Tue 26-Mar-19 16:59:46

@Italiangreyhound to be honest. I don't really know.

His mum really does go on at him at work, she finds all different faults in me, him, his siblings, his brother and his wife. It's abit constant.

Everyone is afraid to really stand up to her though because she cry's and gets really upset and none of us want to upset her.xx

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Tue 26-Mar-19 17:06:42

"...she cry's and gets really upset and none of us want to upset her"

I think you should all Just stop playing along with her. Don't listen to her. She sounds like very hard work.

I'd just suggest your partner considers whether he could find s better job away from the family business.

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