Returning back to normal life after miscarriage

[susso]

Hi everyone,

We lost our little one almost 2 weeks ago now, I had medical management on Monday and everything went as well as it could have done. I am still bleeding quite a bit and still have moderate-quite painful cramps sometimes in the day. I am due to return back to university on Tuesday. I am concerned about managing with pain but this is getting better so this isn't my main worry.

A select few of my friends at uni are aware of why has happened. My anxiety seems to be getting so much worse, it's a struggle to leave he house without DP. I feel so helpless, this is killing me as before all of this I was an outgoing person who wasn't really feared of much- it has made me feel like a shell of myself. I am really pleased of the progress I've made, I've channeled my grief into positive things such as starting up my old hobby of doing nails and drawing. I feel like I need to give myself some credit as I have been so terribly hard on myself lately.

Part of me feels like I should give it a few weeks before I go back as at the minute, if anyone talks about me I get a lump in my throat and cry. I am scared of appearing this way to people, I know I shouldn't care what people think but I do. I don't want them to see this new weakness in me, I don't want to look like I'm rolling in self pity. But another sort of me thinks that I should just get myself back into the game- possibly just go in for my lessons and avoid the conversation, because I don't want to become behind on my work. I am at a total loss for what do. I am totally doubting myself and my ability to get through this.

I just miss my little one, I'm struggling and I needed to get it out... if anyone has any advice on what they did in my situation or what they would do it's be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much xxx

[sweethoney111]

So sorry for your loss OP! Grief from loosing a baby is such a hard thing, I’ve been there with a miscarriage a few years ago.

The only advice I can offer is to just give yourself time and if you need to take a few more weeks off then maybe you should do that. Self care is the most important thing right now but it may also help you to try and get back to some normality. How about trying a day (or just a class) to see how you feel? If you feel better then continue if not then take some more time out for yourself to heal. It’s ok to be vulnerable around others (although hard I know) as we all face our difficult times in life and that is unfortunately part of life but that doesn’t make you weak it makes you human. You sound very strong actually and I’m sure you will get through this and eventually heal and become even stronger from this.

Sending my thoughts and love

[madroid]

I stayed off for a month after a miscarriage. I was really weepy and lost a lot of confidence. It was a year before I drove more than locally too. Even at the time I was surprised by my own reaction. But, like other forms of grief, I think you just have to allow yourself to go through what you need to go through to recover.

We're all different and react differently but I think you should do what feels manageable to you. It's only two weeks!

Look after yourself

[susso]

Thank you to you both @sweethoney111 @madroid honestly both of your words have given me strength tonight and made me feel less alone. I'm actually having an okay night and feel a bit more positive, I think I might take off another week or so then go in for a few of my lessons. Thank you both for helping me realise that it's normal to feel this way xxx

[Littlegoth]

I had 2 miscarriages last year and each time I found that around where you are now I had an overwhelming crash of hormones, along with panic attacks and anxiety with breathlessness. After the first one I went back to work after 2 days, far too early looking back and I really struggled with anxiety and depression for months after. I wish I had realised that I needed time for my mind to heal better. The second time round, I saw no one except my partner for 2 weeks as I just wanted to hide on the sofa eating biscuits and watching tv box sets. I went back to work after 2 weeks but if I had not felt ready to then I would have spoken to my doctor and extended my sick note. If you don’t feel ready then take some more time, it’s an awful thing to go though. Thinking of you x

[BluebadgenPIP]

Are you teaching or student?

If a student, sorry to be blunt but how near exams are you? What’s the situation with coursework?

[BluebadgenPIP]

Sympathies for your loss 💐 (posted too soon)

[susso]

Thank you @Littlegoth that's a big help. I'm feeling quite anxious about going back so think I might just take your advice and go back when I'm completely ready. My mindset changes every day! So confusing!! Thanks so much for getting back to me and I'm so sorry you've had to experience it too x

@BluebadgenPIP thank you, and I'm a student (teaching) so I have my exams which is perfect in times like these. I only have 1 assignment left to do then an assessed talk in May so I'm not too worried about that, but still don't want to get behind. It's a hard one really, unsure what to do for the best. X