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Would be due date approaching. Not coping

(18 Posts)
Dramaqueen14 Fri 15-Mar-19 14:14:36

I’m struggling. I had a natural miscarriage at 11 weeks in September. My due date is fast approaching. Mother’s Day, so a out of a kick in the face and all is see are adverts and signs on shops for it so feels like. I escaping.

Since the mc I’ve been up and down. Feeling positive at tunes and happy again. But I’m still struggling at the moment. I can’t concentrate at work, I’m emotional and have burst into tears in the middle of work (I work in an office) at times.

I feel like such an idiot. I think people at work think I should be over it by now but my heart is still broken. I’m bitter when I see pregnant women, like why do they deserve a baby and not me? It’s horrible I hate that it’s brought out that side of me I feel like such a bitch!

We have been trying again since the mc and with every period or negative test I feel a bit more broken.

Anyway, not really sure what the point of my post is, just need a rant and a safe space to talk xx

OP’s posts: |
emmagrace96 Fri 15-Mar-19 14:22:49

I'm so sorry for your loss lovely. It is difficult and I feel for you, I don't have any experience with miscarriage but I didn't want to read and run. I have a very close friend who has had a miscarriage, I helped her through it and saw how difficult it can be to get through to the other side. I hope that you get the positive test you need soon, and don't feel bad about being bitter, you will feel like that, it feels unfair that everyone else is getting what you need and want in your life. It isn't for any one else to say when you should be over this as everyone processes different things at different speeds, if your work think you should be over it, ignore them. Realistically it's non of their business. You are definitely not a bitch, you are a human who is grieving and hurting.

Hugs to you x

northdownmummy Fri 15-Mar-19 14:48:35

Be kind to yourself and allow some time to grieve. I've just passed what would have been 4 years since my due date and the grief snuck up on me. It was such a physical pain that it shocked me.
Theres no right or wrong, find whatever helps. For me it was some bulbs that bloom around the due date every year.

hope you have someone to talk to in real life.

LillyLeaf Fri 15-Mar-19 22:21:28

I should be due in August, anytime i hear anyone say August or see it written down it feels me with dread. I'm sure I'll feel even worse nearer the time. Sorry you're going through this. Be kind to yourself.

sadtoday21 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:46:31

@Dramaqueen14 I feel exactly the same way as you and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've just found out that after having D&C for mmc in February at 12 weeks, I know have a partial molar and have to stop ttc for 6 months to a year. This means I can start trying again around the same time I fell pregnant last year with my first. It's terrible and I have no words, only hugs for you.

@Lillyleaf My due date was end of August too, with what I mentioned above, I'm not sure I will even be able to start trying again by then. I'm so devastated. Hope you get through this X.

sadtoday21 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:48:39

Also, @Dramaqueen14, I hate all pregnant women and even babies - which I see everywhere now. There were two different sets of twin babies in a cafe next to me yesterday when I found out the news about the partial molar. I was so angry I wanted to scream at them for rubbing it in my face with their normal, happy lives!! Yes, I have now become a horrible person.

Dramaqueen14 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:03:58

Thank you lovely ladies for replying to me. I really appreciate it. Loosing a baby is so hard and I’m sorry it happened to some of you too. I am lucky I have a lot of support, my husband is amazing and family good too. It just feels like a hard couple of weeks to go through and all I want to do is lie in my bed away from the world.

I found seeing babies and pregnant women hard at first but then it got easier now hard again as the date approaches. To top it off two girls I work with are due babies in may and July and it’s just killing me.

@sadtoday21 I’m sorry the docs are saying wait 6 months, that must be hard. I’m sorry.

It does make me feel better that I’m not the only
One that can’t look at babies and pregnant women. I feel like they follow me.

Thank you ladies for letting me rant x

OP’s posts: |
LillyLeaf Sun 17-Mar-19 22:30:53

I live and work in London, everyone has a those bloody 'baby on board' badges, why do they need to wear them all the time, even when they are not on public transport. I must see at least 10 by the time I get to work, which is a miserable way to start the day. Hopefully we'll get past this pain one day and it's good to rant.

NovaF Tue 26-Mar-19 17:31:05

The way you feel is normal. Please make sure you do something nice for yourself on the due date, have a friend that will listen round, go for a walk in a prk or forest in the evening when all the families have gone home, eat some really nice food. You could do something symbolic like release a balloon or plant a rose plant. You will likely be wobbly the day or two after too, so maybe take the day after off work.

Maybe speak to your GP and see if they can get you referred for CBT or counselling. When I lost my son I had an irrational hate of pregnant women, CBT really helped.

You will not always feel like this, and just because you do not have a baby now does not mean you will not have one in future x

Dramaqueen14 Tue 26-Mar-19 20:32:10

Thank you for the replies lily and nova. I really just want this weekend to be over with and the due date behind me. I’ve been off work sick for a week as I’ve been so emotional. I go back on Thursday. Xx

OP’s posts: |
Connieston Tue 26-Mar-19 20:38:13

I understand. I had a MC around the same stage, a while back now, to be honest, and the grief and tears can bite you on the arse when you don't expect it even without anniversaries. It's really hard. Big hug. Chin up. Xxx

shell2103 Wed 27-Mar-19 12:34:08

My due date would have been this Friday and I'm not coping at all. I've had to cope with that Brexit countdown clock as well sad

namechange1796 Thu 28-Mar-19 16:17:06

My due date would have been around April 17th. I’m currently bleeding with a new pregnancy and I most likely going to mc again. I really don’t know how I’m going to cope tbh. A new loss at the same time as the due date of my last loss. I’m already very depressed.

shell2103 Fri 29-Mar-19 08:44:24

I feel the same @namechange1796. My due date would have been today which is very emotional for me. Was hoping to take the day off work but I wasn't able to.

I'm also 5 weeks pregnant and can feel it going the same way :-(

Dramaqueen14 Sun 31-Mar-19 13:30:35

Sorry to hear some of you are struggling. Sending a virtual hug x

OP’s posts: |
sadtoday21 Sun 31-Mar-19 13:35:03

@namechange1796 and @shell2103 it's the same for me - not my due date, but lost first baby 7 weeks ago and about to lose another today.

@Dramaqueen14 sorry that you have to think about the due date today, that must be very hard. Sending hugs right back at you!

mellongoose Mon 01-Apr-19 15:27:16

I'm definitely still struggling. I had a tmfr at 20 weeks at the beginning of the year. I knew I'd really feel it when the weather changed.

I should be about to go on maternity leave. Baby would have been due in early May. It's harder than I expected. Blimmin school mums have their glowing bumps and babies. I can't stand it.

I miss my girl. thanks to all of you.

PJ67 Sat 06-Apr-19 22:28:51

Sorry to hear what you're all going through, a miscarriage is so distressing. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks when I was 37 and really thought that was my last chance and I wouldn't get pregnant again. It did take a year but I went on to have my son just before my 39th birthday and another when I was 41. I know the feeling of being so upset every month but give it time, it will happen.

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