My story of MMC after a MC, help me keep the faith

[Topsy15]

I found out yesterday that my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and 5 days, the day after I had an early 'reassurance' scan and nearly 4 weeks ago. I had been counting down the days to my 12 week scan, slowly allowing myself to get excited and thinking about how we were going to tell our family and friends. I did have a loss of certain symptoms but the first scan gave me false hope that things were okay, and my morning sickness had continued. Still, a speck of brown discharge worried me enough to organise a private scan. Waiting for the scan in a room full of happy families with their 4D photos and heartbeat bears was tough while I was feeling so nervous but I really hoped things would still be okay. It's not good news... the Sonographer said. There was no heartbeat.

I felt numb most of yesterday, just wanted to get myself to the Early Pregnancy unit to sort out the 'admin' involved with having a miscarriage. I was sent into a waiting room to wait with 3 prospective mums sharing ideas for their new baby's names, and details about their scans and how everything was fine. When I was called through, I had to have both an abdominal and a TV scan to confirm the missed miscarriage, followed by another TV scan for a second opinion. This all really hammered the message home.

After the scans I was sent to wait for the midwife who explained it was unfortunately very common, and talked me through the different options. Waiting for it to happen naturally ( which doesn't seem to be happening), medical management which is a series of tablets to force the uterus to contract and expel the pregnancy or a surgical procedure called a d&c under general anaesthetic to remove everything. The surgery comes with risks including womb puncture and the tablets risk needing surgery anyway if everything doesn't come away. All options sound equally horrifying. I think I've opted for the medical management - I want it to be over and would like to avoid having to see everything as it comes away but don't want to go risk making it even more difficult for me to conceive in future through surgery complications.

I don't really know what would have made me feel better and there is probably nothing anyone could say but I couldn't help feeling like the approach in this situation is too clinical and not sensitive enough of the grief that someone in this situation can be feeling, the hopelessness and feeling of failure, anger and confusion, and being let down by your own body over something so painfully important to you. Being asked about previous pregnancies I said yes I've had a miscarriage already. She said ok, any live pregnancies? No? Ok...

I'm also struggling with what to tell work, I don't want to go in until things have progressed and I'm feeling better, but don't want to have to own up and know we are TTC.

If anyone has any advice about the process in general, how best you coped with the physical and the emotional side, letting go of the dream temporarily or even just to hear from anyone going through the same thing right now I'd love to hear. Positive stories post miscarriage too.

Sorry it's been a long one I just really needed to get all of this off of my chest x
Well done if you've read all of this... 🙂

[mommato3]

I’m so so sorry for your loss. If it was me, personally I’d opt for the d&c simply to reduce the whole time frame. It’s a difficult process full stop and imho the quicker the process can be made the better. A natural mc can take so long to complete it can almost feel like it’s never going to end. I certainly found the d&c process a whole load quicker than the natural mc I’ve just encountered. However, that said it has to be your choice.

As for positive post mc stories. I had my 1st mmc in April 2000 and my dd1 was conceived just 6 weeks later and born the following March.

Good luck and big hugs at the truly terrible time xxx

[Topsy15]

@mommato3 thanks for your message, I am so sorry to hear you have just gone through a second miscarriage but glad to hear you have managed to have dc (I assume more than one 2? ☺️). That's interesting about the d&c, maybe I will consider it, it just sounds a bit scary (but then so does a long drawn out bleeding process...). I have another appointment tomorrow so will think about it some more overnight.

Looking forward to this being over so I can move on x

[mommato3]

@Topsy15, you’re welcome. I had a d&c in 2000 and had a natural mc just under 3 weeks ago. All told I’ve had 3 d&c’s and never had any problems after. I found the recovery process (bleeding etc) to be a lot quicker by d&c. Everything comes with it’s own risk, mc carries the risk of haemorrhage. It’s personal preference really. Had I needed d&c this time I’d have gone ahead but the remains were cervix region so would have been pretty pointless really. All in with this mc I bled for 2 weeks and 2 days which felt like a lifetime. I just wanted it over too so I could just look forward. It just felt like a constant reminder which was painful. Not that it still isn’t but the constant reminder is not there now, as in the blood loss xxx

[Topsy15]

@mommato3 I just wanted to say thankyou so much for your advice - I reconsidered my plan and went in for the d&c yesterday and although it was scary and emotional it went really well, so glad it's all over and I can focus on healing emotionally rather than dealing with lots of gore and pain. Hopefully neither of us have to go through this again but if I did I would 100% take this route again and would recommend to anyone else unfortunate enough to find themselves in this horrific situation. One thing that did make me laugh - I had a sandwich bag left on my bed, had a look inside to find a pair of blue primark pants, they were not mine!!! They'd got mixed up with someone else 🙈. I really hope you're doing well and coping with things xx

[mommato3]

@Topsy15
I’m glad things worked out well for you under the circumstances and that my offerings helped somehow. Hopefully things will settle quickly and you can move forward. I hope neither of us do either but sadly no one can make that guarantee
I had to chuckle at the pants however. Can’t say I’ve ever had anything like that happen!!! Thankfully!!
I’m doing ok. It’s been rough! One day at a time. Times like this days are unpredictable as I never know how I’ll feel from one minute to the next! As with these things it will take time but I’ll get there as will you.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and all the very best of luck with your future plans. Look after yourself and take it easy for a week or two. Hugs xxx

[flowersaremyfave]

Hi @Topsy15 I'm from the October thread. So sorry you've had to go through all this it's utterly heartbreaking. I had an early scan yesterday and an empty sac was measuring 6+3 I've got to go back to be re scanned next week,and I'm having awful cramps atm so I don't think I'm even going to make that scan unfortunately. I too was thinking about what route I was going to go down but this thread has reassured me about having a d&c if I do have to make that choice. Best of luck for the future 💐

[Skybooks]

If I can any support I had medical management of a MMC in Dec and bled for 6 weeks the off for a week then back on so if the d&c reduced that time is definitely opt for that if I had to go through that again.

[Topsy15]

@mommato3 yes it definitely did and I am so grateful. I agree with you! I thought I was okay this morning and had decided to go back to work on Monday however had a really bad turn again this afternoon, it really is a very hard and lonely time, definitely comes in waves. I'm thankful to be able to speak to others who understand, it has really helped. Especially with the insensitive comments that people think will help and make you want to scream at them!! I'll get there.

If you need to chat at all I am always happy to listen!

Also wish you all the best, loves xx 💕

@flowersaremyfave I am so so sorry you've ended up here as well... it's more awful that you've got this horrific in between phase waiting to know for certain. I guess the cramps starting is a sign that your body has recognised there is an issue unlike mine did and started to act on it. I really hope you don't suffer too much with pain, yes i would definitely go for the surgical management as soon as it is offered to you, I have not been in any pain and have had the tiniest bit of blood it's almost a bit eerie! It's tough moving away from a thread where everyone else is getting more and more excited and we are having to accept our dreams are on hold for a while, at the very least. I hope the next couple of weeks are as bearable as possible for you and that things are different for us next time. Make sure you take lots of time out to heal xxx

[mommato3]

@Topsy15 I can’t stress enough the importance of taking some time out for yourself. See your dr and grab a sick note. Honestly, you’ll feel so much better for it. For that time to grieve how you want or simply loll about and do nothing without having to worry about people catching you or whatever. It definitely is a hard and lonely time. I have exceptional support from my partner and eldest and other family members and friends if I want it but that’s often not the case. It’s lovely to be able to come here and share the pain we’re feeling with people who understand and I find it helps loads.
That’s very kind of you hun and the same applies to you also.

Please be kind to yourself xxx