Hi all, namechanged for this as a few people know my previous username.
I had what I think was a miscarriage last week but not 100% sure and don’t want to talk to anyone in real life about it, was hoping to shed some light on it. I don’t know how I feel about it
Should start off by saying I’m 25, recently married and was not TTC. My last period before this incident was in December, I didn’t have one in January but at the end of December I got back on the pill (Norethisterone) after some time off so put it down to this despite being very regular normally. I did a pregnancy test before starting the pill which was negative. At this point I was slowly putting on weight but thought this was just pizza weight and was a bit moody but nothing out of the ordinary. No morning sickness at all.
In February I had a 2 week holiday to my parents home country, was visiting rural villages so not amazing water or sanitation etc so I decided to delay my next period (assuming I would get one in Feb). I took Norethisterone 3 times a day to do this, I am in the medical field so just checked the BNF for doses etc and now I feel awful I didn’t do a pregnancy test before this as I assumed because I was on the pill it was fine.
A week later whilst on holiday I had awful cramping, more painful than anything I’ve had before and was really constipated and feeling nauseous. I thought it was just a heavy period so put a pad on and dealt with it with some paracetamol. Whilst walking I felt something slimy (sorry don’t know how to describe it that isn’t gross) so went to the loo and found a blood clot almost the length and rough size of my thumb, I was in shock because just from looking at it, it was curled up the way a fetus would be in the womb. It had little red lines where the eyes, nose and ears would be. I started at it for ages and eventually took a photo - I would post it here but don’t know if I should as I know it’s a bit TMI and gross??
As soon as this was out, the ‘period’ stopped (think it was 2 days in total of pain) and so did the nausea. I was staying with my parents and my IL’s and didn’t want anyone to know except DH so kept it quiet and haven’t dealt with how I feel until now.
Me and DH both want to TTC soon but I’m currently doing a masters degree so waiting for that to finish. If I knew I was pregnant then I definitely wouldn’t have taken the pill as I know it increases risk of ectopic pregnancy with just one pill a day never mind three. I feel so horrible and guilty that I caused this and we would have been over the moon to have a baby. I did some calculations and if I was pregnant (which I strongly think I was) the mc was at 6 weeks and I would have been due in September.
I’m 99% sure it was a miscarriage but the 1% I’m not sure about because I don’t feel as sad or even as guilty as I would have thought to feel. Surely you have a bond with a baby even if it is very early and unknown?? I didn’t feel much at the time, just shock and now I feel guilty but don’t feel an emotional connection, if that makes sense?
I don’t really know why I’m posting this really long essay, just need somewhere to say this all. I keep looking at the photo and feel sad that I could have still been pregnant now if I knew at the time.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Feeling so guilty :(
3 replies
makkmiss · 28/02/2019 15:22
OP posts:
Loti92 ·
01/03/2019 19:12
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