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Got a scan and it's not good news how do I tell my 4 year old?

(8 Posts)
tinatsarina Thu 14-Feb-19 15:43:02

Had spotting on and off from Monday got a scan at epu today and there is no heart beat. I was supposed to be 10 weeks baby only measured 8 weeks. I have a 4 year old and my partner let it slip that we were having a baby. How do I tell him that it's not happening?

Icedlatte Thu 14-Feb-19 15:47:35

Oh Tina I'm so sorry.

You don't need to tell 4 year old right away, let yourself come to terms with it so you feel strong for any questions.

4 year olds are incredibly resilient, and don't attach the emotion to things that we do as adults. I think just saying something clear and simple such as 'the baby isn't coming after all. Unfortunately not all babies arrive, and until it comes you can never be 100% sure, but hopefully we'll be lucky and get one another year.'

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Thu 14-Feb-19 15:51:54

I think latte's suggestion is spot on.
I'm so sorry, please look after yourself x

FixTheBone Thu 14-Feb-19 15:58:02

We had a miscarriage and a term still birth, both times with children expecting a new sibling.

They managed it fine, I don't think they really know what death means at that age, not in the same deep way that older children and adults do.

When you tell them, be prepared for questions at inappropriate times or for them to say stuff that might seem very callous or hurtful, again they don't really know how to process it in an adult way, but it didn't really take away the shock factor of some of the things they say.

tinatsarina Thu 14-Feb-19 16:02:30

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I could handle the questions and talking about it later its telling them in the first place. I'm afraid I'll be to upset and that they'll be upset because I am. @icedlatte I might go with your suggestion as I do plan to try again as soon as we're both ready again so they will get a new sibling just unfortunately not this one

Icedlatte Thu 14-Feb-19 16:06:08

It's understandable that you might get upset when telling them, and all the more reason to give yourself a few days before you face it. There's no rush.

My own 4 year old doesn't really understand time, and definitely would understand how long a pregnancy might be. Perhaps you could also say something like 'if we did get another baby, it won't be until you are at least six' to shut down any daily questions of 'is there another baby coming yet?'
Of course if it happens sooner that'll be happy surprise for them!

Icedlatte Thu 14-Feb-19 16:06:53

Sorry, he wouldn't understand how long

tinatsarina Thu 14-Feb-19 16:28:31

I was considering that, waiting a few days before saying but I think if they were to talk about the baby in my tummy now I would just break knowing there won't be one.

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