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Missed miscarriage - what to expect?

(6 Posts)
Babydreams2019 Fri 08-Feb-19 11:22:18

Hi everyone,

I’m new to Mumsnet, but just wanted to get my experience off my chest and to see if anyone else is going through a similar thing or has any advice.

In November, my husband and I decided to start trying for our first baby. By some sort of miracle, we did a test after 1 month of trying and it came back positive. We were both over the moon.

The next few months have been very exciting. We told our parents, and the people who needed to know at our workplaces, but decided to wait until after the 12 week scan to tell the rest of our family and friends.

So far I have had what I would consider a normal pregnancy (this is my first, so I have nothing to compare it to). I have felt extremely tired, have gone off certain foods, and have felt nauseous throughout the day, although I haven’t actually been sick. I haven’t had any bleeding or spotting at all throughout the entire 12 weeks.

This Tuesday, we went for our 12 week scan. Very excited to see our little baby for the first time.

Things didn’t go as planned. The sonographer began the ultrasound but after only a few quick seconds she switched the screen off - I could see that there was nothing visible there. She asked if we were sure on the dates, and I said we were - it had been 12 weeks since my LMP, and 8 weeks since positive test. So she said she needed to perform an internal scan. We knew something was wrong then.

I couldn’t see the screen, but she was looking for quite a while. The room was entirely silent, and I just remember staring at the ceiling, knowing we were about to hear the worst. After what felt like ages, she eventually said that she was sorry but it looked like the baby had stopped developing very early on, and there was no detectable heartbeat.

She left us alone for a few minutes, and when she came back she said that I would have to come back for another scan in two weeks time. She told us that she had seen 2 yolk sacs inside 1 gestational sac. One of the yolk sacs was enlarged and contained a fetal pole measuring 5.7mm. She believed the scan showed ‘an early demise of a twin pregnancy’. I have since googled this, and from her description it sounds like it would have been identical twins.

She took us up to what was called the ‘jasmine unit’ at the hospital, where we had to wait quite a while to see someone. We had no idea what this was for, and we both just wanted to get out of there at this point. The lady we saw here wasn’t very sympathetic, and began by asking us some very matter of fact questions - all of which I had already answered at my booking appointment, which she had on the notes in front of her. Things like my DOB, family medical history, whether I smoke, drink alcohol, do drugs - I don’t of course.

She told us to come back on the 19th Feb for another scan, then chucked some leaflets about miscarriage our way and was rushing us out the door. I tried to ask some questions about what it all meant, and if there was a chance that things might be okay if I had to come back for another scan. She said the baby had been sized at 6 weeks, and the 2nd scan was to check on progress and confirm the miscarriage.

She said I might miscarry at some point over the next two weeks, before the scan. But didn’t tell me what to expect. It was 4:15 by this pint, and she finished at 4pm, so there was no doubt she wanted to hurry home.

My husband and I left feeling devastated and confused. I still don’t feel any different than before my scan. I don’t know whether to feel hope that there could be a tiny chance that things might work out, or reside myself to the fact that my baby hasdied. The thought of that is awful.

The not knowing is what hurts the most, and the shock of finding out. I’ve been walking around thinking everything is great, when that couldn’t have been further from the truth sad

Anyway, I just wanted to share my story so far and get everything out there. It might help me feel a tiny bit better, who knows!

I didn’t even know that a ‘missed miscarriage’ was a thing. No one talks about it do they sad I’m not sure what to expect now, and how long things could take to happen x

ColdCottage Fri 08-Feb-19 11:36:22

I had a missed miscarriage. There is a long thread of support on here for this. I will find the link.

I think the wait to just to confirm it is a miscarriage incase you had your dates mixed up and you were only 6 weeks along (when they might not see a heartbeat) - they would want to offer a tablet or suction option to remove the remains of a unsuccessful pregnancy if in fact your dates were just wrong hence the wait.

I'm sorry you were given such a brief and unsupportive session at such a difficult time.

Have you googled miscarriage support numbers as it would be good for you to have someone to talk to about it more and ask questions. Perhaps call your GP surgery and ask to speak to a GP with a specialism in this area - book a double appointment.

It's a hard time. I waited 4 weeks to see if my miscarriage would happen naturally but it didn't and in that time I still felt pregnant - morning sickness etc which was hard. In the end I took the tablet option. They gave me some good pain killers and after a bath then sitting on the loo at home (with lots of magazines and tv on my phone) it all passed. I went to bed with a hot water bottle and took a few days off to get over it all. More emotionally than physically.

ColdCottage Fri 08-Feb-19 11:38:26

Here is the link

Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

Huncamuncaa Fri 08-Feb-19 12:35:42

I'm so sorry that this has been so badly managed and you left without being clear of what was going on.

I've had missed MCs. My understanding is that you have lost the baby but your body is waiting to miscarry. Continuing to have pregnancy syptoms and positive pregnancy tests is common because your body is full of pregnancy hormones and it takes a while to get back to normal. It is a really hard way to find out youve lost a baby because you go on for longer beleiving you are having a healthy pregnancy, but it is unfortunately quite common.

After a miscarriage they scan you again to make sure it has all passed. If it hasnt then you might need some medical management.

Normally, after a bad news scan, they talk through your options which are either to wait to miscarry naturally or to book in to have it medically managed. I think you should clarify with them what this two weeks is for. I'm really shocked they've left you in the dark. If you are waiting to miscarry naturally you might want to stay closer to home or just make sure you've got spare pads and clothes with you just in case.

I should add im just going by personal experience here. I think as youve been left so unclear make an appointment a health professional. If you dont want to go back to the clinic, phone your midwife team or see your gp, who should get your notes forwarded. Or phone one of the miscarriage support charities as they will take the time to explain whats happened and what you should expect.

So sorry you've had such a shock and such poor care.

Huncamuncaa Fri 08-Feb-19 12:46:06

Also wanted to add, as the other poster has said, there is a small chance you got your dates wrong. Leaving it 2 weeks will allow them to see if it grows. At 8 weeks you would see a heart beat. This is the other reason they would wait to scan you. It is obviously only a very small percentage who would be that wrong with their dates but that is probably the reason why they didnt give the option of medical management at this stage. If the next scan is negative and you havent miscarried naturally then they will offer this. Really hope that helps.

floofkitty Fri 08-Feb-19 23:54:09

Hello, I'm so sorry you've had such a bad experience. I'm personally familiar with the Jasmine Unit at Kingston Hospital, having been there in 2 pregnancies (both losses).

My first was a missed miscarriage and very similar in the sense of sizing at 6 weeks with very slow heartbeat but dated at 8 so needed a follow-up to check.

Follow-up confirmed no heartbeat and while I opted for the surgical management, I miscarried naturally just before.

My advice would be to try and make a fuss to speak to a Consultant. Patricia at the Jasmine Unit (if it's the same hospital) was particularly kind at explaining the missed miscarriage scenario to me.

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