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Missed miscarriage and work

(7 Posts)
Mochiface Thu 07-Feb-19 10:00:15

Hi all,

Just wanted a bit of advice. I am currently off work since Monday after finding out that my baby had died at six weeks at my nine weeks private scan.

It is a missed miscarriage and the pregnancy hadn't started to breakdown on its own yet. I gave it some thought and had called the hospital for medical management and the earliest appointment is next week. I've been through two natural miscarriages before so I know physically and mentally it'll be another rollercoaster and I probably won't be feeling okay. Although at the start of the week, I'd start crying out of no where, I've not been like that today and because the miscarriage process hasnt started, I almost feel like a cheat not being in work.

Last time with my second miscarriage, I was off for two days and went back in but broke down at work.. it's rather unpredictable so I've given myself more time this time round. Does anyone feel the same and am I being a cheat here?

lmason17 Thu 07-Feb-19 11:22:53

Hi!

I went through exactly the same thing very recently. I had two weeks off work after finding out the news that I was having a missed miscarriage. Throughout those entire two weeks nothing happened whatsoever (I had opted for natural management), and I felt a total fraud not being at work as I felt pretty well.

However, I was very emotional and it was pretty uncontrollable, so there was no way I could have been in work. The actual miscarriage happened the night before I was due to go back and I ended up having another two weeks in total (a whole month off).

I felt so guilty about this but my OH kept reminding me that I was going through something tough physically and emotionally. One month in the grand scheme of things is absolutely nothing at all, and I would be no use to anyone in a massive state.

Health and happiness is always number one.

Sorry you are going through this and sending all my love and hugs.

Pearlg Thu 07-Feb-19 15:40:02

Hi,

I felt same being off work and I am due to go back this Monday, dreading it but I know I just could not have been in work feeling so emotional. I will have been off a total of 2wks3days.

I had my 12wk scan on 22nd Jan where they found no heartbeat, baby died 9wks4days- I got an appointment at EPC for that Fri but they sent me home as during internal scan I started to bleed slightly. They made me another scan appointment for Monday 28th Jan to ‘see what happened over the weekend’ but I never made it to that appointment as I finally miscarried at home on the Monday morning. I’m trying to stay positive & think this was some sort of blessing as deep down I was dreading the D&C but also didn’t want to wait for natural management either.

My point is that if going natural or waiting for an appointment we shouldn’t feel like a cheat for being off work, lmason17 is so right that a few weeks off work is nothing in the grand scheme of things, I’ve slowly come round to the fact that work will go on without me & I’m not as bothered about where people think I am (also I am a mess & cant stop crying randomly) I’m glad I did take some time to come to terms with it all. This was my first pregnancy & I’m devastated, I’ve waited so long for it. (Sorry I’m going on a bit now!)

My heart goes out to you & I’m sorry for your loss.

LillyLeaf Fri 08-Feb-19 10:10:43

I worked from home for 2 days after I found out at a scan it had stopped growing and the heartbeat had stopped. I didn't really do much work. It was then the weekend. The miscarriage hadn't started by Monday so I went to work. I probably shouldn't have, I felt awful and couldn't concentrate. I then went to the hospital on Wednesday to get the medical management pills. I took Wednesday to Friday off and took the pills Friday then went back to work the Monday (this week) as I only had period type bleeding, again I shouldn't have gone to work, at times it was a good distraction but this week I haven't slept well and I've had really bad headaches but felt I couldn't miss work. I can't wait for the weekend to just chill and recharge, I'm at breaking point, no one at work knows. Take it from me if you can stay off work do it. I've not helped myself this week. So sorry you're going through this too.

Mochiface Wed 13-Feb-19 10:31:34

Hi all,

Thank you for your replies, support and sorry to hear about your experiences. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who gets concerned about things like this and I especially wouldn't want to be breaking down in the middle of an open office surrounded by glass windows. So I have been off work for the past week and also this week as I am currently lying in the hospital bed waiting for the pills to kick in. I chose to have medical management and hoping it will all go well.. I might be back in work next week.

zoomies1 Wed 13-Feb-19 17:55:59

Hi,

I'm in the same boat. I had the confirmation scan on Monday and opted for medical management which started the same day. I was advised not to go to work whilst it was happening so planned to work from home but I just can't concentrate and I feel exhausted!

So far nothing has happened. They have now said it can take up to six days and I feel bad taking that time off work. Hopefully I'll be able to get my head in the game and work from here but my team are having to cover for me and none of them knows why. I keep telling myself that I never take time off and I work hard and although I've been pretty detached, I have the odd emotional moment and I really don't want to be at work when I start bleeding heavily.

Take care of yourself and just this once, put yourself first. xx

SARmum14 Sun 17-Feb-19 13:45:43

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I found about about my MMC 2 weeks ago. Had my ERPC this week and have been signed off for this entire time as well as a further two weeks. I might go back to work early in a week but I’m really going to see how I feel. I’m so emotional and have lost a lot of members of my immediate family over the last few years so death and loss are both really triggering for me and I find it hard. My GP has been incredibly supportive - in stark contrast to everyone at the EPU at hospital who were so cold and clinical. I say take the time you need. Just because miscarriage is a sadly common thing it doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you deeply.

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