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Tough days

(9 Posts)
Pop1234 Thu 24-Jan-19 21:35:43

I'm not sure on the purpose of this thread but I just feel like I need some positivity and a handhold. Tomorrow will be the due date of my first pregnancy and since then I have lost two more. We are awaiting results on some tests but in the meantime waiting to try again once I've had a cycle. I've not had any issues conceiving, all 3 times it's happened first time but miscarried between 5 and 9 weeks. So many of our close friends and family members are announcing pregnancies and I am happy for them, but I just want it myself so bad and I don't think my DH understands why some days I'm struggling. It's such a weird feeling being happy for others when you want it yourself so bad. Does that sound awful?

Sorry for the depressing post x

Daisywho Fri 25-Jan-19 10:33:28

I’m so sorry for your losses. Please, please hang in there. This was me 2 years ago, I remember the due date of my first pregnancy rolling round and not only was I not pregnant, in the intervening months we had lost our next baby in the second trimester of my subsequent pregnancy. It was just awful.

On top of that, my recurrent miscarriage tests started to throw back some batshit unnerving curveballs such as hormone levels suggesting I also had major fertility problems (I didn’t, but the results made me terrified that on top of everything else I wouldn’t conceive again when the time came). Bloody hell it was such a rough time. And like you there were babies and pregnancies everywhere I looked! I just couldn’t see a way forward.

You asked for some positivity - well the rest of my test results eventually came back, I was prescribed aspirin and blood thinning injections and less than a year later I was walking out of hospital with my gorgeous DD in my arms.

It was worth it. It will be worth it for you too. At my absolute rock bottom I was only weeks away from the pregnancy that brought our DD home safely, I just wish I had known at the time!!

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. flowers

InDreamland Sat 26-Jan-19 19:24:52

@Pop1234 I'm so sorry for your losses. We have the same due date. Our first baby/pregnancy was due yesterday. We've lost another one since the mc in July, second mc was in November. Heartbroken doesn't even come close to how I feel. All I I've been thinking about today is I should have a car seat in the back seat with our baby in it driving home from hospital. It's tough. It sounds like you're much nicer than me - I cannot bring myself or force myself to be happy for anyone with pregnancy or birth news, I'm trying as much as is possible to ignore/avoid it for self preservation. After 5 years TTC before my first pregnancy the losses have hit me really hard as in totally knocked me down.

How are you today? Did you did anything to mark the day?

Holding your hand with a shared due date x

cheeseislife8 Sat 26-Jan-19 19:31:56

@Pop1234 I'm so sorry for your losses. Wednesday would have been my due date and I'm dreading it. It's so hard to feel happy for others when it's not happening for you, don't be at yourself up for feeling something so natural. I hope you can get some answers from your tests. Handholding flowers

moonpeace Sun 27-Jan-19 09:49:28

Same situation as you @Pop1234. This time last year I was pregnant with the first of three miscarriages in a row. Absolutely horrendous year and I'm currently now having more thorough investigations. I was so hell bent on trying again straight after each time but have decided to give myself a bit of a break now, for my mental health, to get some answers and for protection. Hang in there.

Pop1234 Sun 27-Jan-19 20:54:54

Thank you all so much for your kind replies and I'm so sorry you've had/are going through the same thing. It really is rubbish and I don't think there is any other feeling like it.

We didn't really do anything to mark the day, just went out for some tea and spent some time together.

@moonpeace did the standard tests not find anything is that why you have gone more thorough? We are in two minds what to do next. The NHS have done the karyotyping but I've got to wait for my cycle to start again before I can have any of the others. We have been to see a private consultant too who wanted to be more thorough but said it would take 6 months for everything and we couldn't try in the meantime and we just maybe wanted to try one more time. But the problem with that is if it happens again we are put back right back again ☹️

Thanks again for all your replies xx

moonpeace Mon 28-Jan-19 09:38:43

@Pop1234 after my second mc, my GP arranged basic blood tests including checking progesterone, fsh, full blood count and thyroid. Only thing that came back was borderline overactive thyroid but after a second test that improved and as my T4 and T3 levels were normal I was told that I could try again. Since the third mc, I've recently had a blood test (never seen so many bottles) to check for thyroid antibodies, diabetes, blood clotting disorders. We haven't been offered any karotyping (genetic tests) because we already have a dc and the chances of an issue there is very small.... still in two minds whether to have those tests though privately, as well as NK cell testing and AMH levels checked. The Lesley Regan book doesn't recommended testing for any of those though.

I guess maybe I'm better off not knowing my AMH levels as what good would it really do? If they were bad it would cause even more anxiety and stress. My fsh levels are fine but I do worry as I'm soon to be 37, however, am making positive steps to eat healthier and take coenzyme Q10 supplements. The NK cell testing is interesting though as I've heard many stories of success with treatment....

Pop1234 Mon 04-Feb-19 14:02:26

@moonpeace sorry I didn't get back to you. I'm awaiting my results from the nhs tests but we have had the kareotyping done as we have no children.

We got a price for the NK cells which involves a biopsy after ovulation. Think it was around £400. Have you looked into it any further?

Mochiface Thu 07-Feb-19 10:27:29

Hi Pop,

Thank you for the post and sorry to hear about losses and same to everyone else..

I totally get where you're coming from. After my first two losses, I really struggled with the pregnancy announcements that were coming from every single corner of my life. Especially just after my losses. Sometimes, I'd struggled and I'd say to my husband another pregnancy announcement. He always replied with don't compare yourself to other people. But that's not my intention and it's not like I have I'll wishes for other people, it's the fact that it reminds me what I could have had or what I don't have.. I hear you when you said that trying again might out you right back.. but I believe that if it happens for us, then all will be worth it.

Now waiting for recurrent miscarriage clinic to be in touch as currently experiencing my third loss.

Handholding.

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