I found out a couple of weeks before Christmas that I was pregnant with my second child. DH and I had been trying for a few months and I had a chemical pregnancy back in September, so we were elated to get that positive test. But I started having a bit of spotting at 6 weeks - very light and mostly brown so I tried not to panic. We went for a private scan at 7 weeks which showed a heartbeat but the baby was only measuring 6+1 when I should have been 7+2. The sonographer said not to worry - it was hard to get an accurate measurement at this size, seeing a heartbeat was really positive, and to come back in two weeks if I wanted reassurance, but I still had a feeling something wasn't right. The spotting continued but it stayed very light and brown. In the meantime though, my symptoms kept getting stronger and I was being sick multiple times a day.
I had my first midwife appointment on Thursday, at 8+6, and I told her everything that had been happening and she said it was worth going to the EPU for another scan, to be on the safe side. So I went to the EPU on Friday and that scan showed the baby is only measuring five weeks now and doesn't have a heartbeat. I think part of me knew so it wasn't a huge shock but DH and I are devastated.
I need to go for another scan this Friday to confirm and possibly discuss medical management if I don't start miscarrying naturally. Right now my body still thinks I'm pregnant and I'm still being sick and feeling exhausted. It's horrible. I feel like my body is betraying me. Pregnancy sickness is bad enough but knowing that my baby is dead and it's all for nothing is unbearable.
Luckily work have been brilliant and they've told me to take as much time off as I need. But I feel like I'm in limbo right now. I don't want to go too far away from home in case I start bleeding suddenly. I don't feel like I can properly grieve the loss of this pregnancy yet because it's not over and actually the worst could be yet to come. I'm scared about the process of miscarrying and how much it will hurt. I'm trying to stay strong for my 3 year old DS but I'm lacking the physical and emotional energy to give him everything he needs. I never thought I would be here and I don't know how I'm going to get through this.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
No heartbeat, waiting to miscarry
51 replies
Serenity05 · 21/01/2019 18:06
OP posts:
welshsoph ·
21/01/2019 18:43
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